Holiday reading

I had a pretty busy Christmas holiday with my family, but I managed to finish three books while I was there, before the end of 2019!

I started reading "It's Even Worse Than You Think: What the Trump Administration is Doing to America"
by David Cay Johnston a few days before we headed west.  Published in January 2018, one year after Trump took office, it's a meticulous look at the political "termites" (as Johnston calls them) who have infested the U.S. government under Trump administration, and are hollowing it out from the inside, and the profound negative impact they are having on America and Americans. (And that was after just one year... how much worse have things gotten since then??)  Each chapter deals with a different aspect of Trump's impact on the U.S. government and public policy, including the infamous wall on the U.S./Mexico border, climate change, education, kleptocracy, and much more.

Johnston is an investigative journalist who has been writing about Trump since 1988.  The book is well organized and well documented, clearly written and easy to follow.  I gave it four stars on Goodreads. (Your opinion will likely differ if you are a fan of the current president.)

*** *** ***

I enjoy Amanda Carpenter's commentary as a talking head on CNN.  Her politics are very different than mine -- she's a Republican who worked for both Jim DeMint and Ted Cruz (!) -- but when it comes to Donald Trump, we are in total agreement.

Thus I was compelled to find & read her book "Gaslighting America: Why We Love It When Trump Lies to Us."

Carpenter demonstrates that, while some of his opponents continue to expect Trump's outrageous lies, fabrications and conspiracy theories to bring him down, they are instead propelling his success. She's not the first to describe Trump's strategy as "gaslighting" -- a type of psychological manipulation commonly used by sociopaths and narcissists, designed to confuse and destabilize, which leads victims to question their own perceptions of reality. (Do you feel like Trump is driving you crazy?  That's the point, Carpenter says.)

Impressively, however, Carpenter has analyzed Trump's gaslighting and identified the five steps he consistently uses to do it.  She then provides ample examples of how he's successfully used this formula, both as a candidate and as president, to sideline his opponents, control the narrative and advance his agenda. Trump isn't the first president to use gaslighting as a strategy -- both Richard Nixon & Bill Clinton employed it, Carpenter says -- but Trump has taken it to a whole new level.

The steps are:

1.  Stake a claim:  Trump stakes out political territory -- an issue or action -- that no one else is willing to occupy (and that will ensure a media frenzy), and takes over the news cycle. (Example:  "President Obama was not born in the United States.")

2. Advance and deny:  Trump casts the issue into the public realm and advances the story, but denies responsibility for doing so. He does this by talking about what other people are (supposedly) saying or thinking. If pressed for sources, he'll point to YouTube videos, tabloids, tweets and unverifiable Internet news stories. ("People are saying...").

3.  Create suspense:  Trump creates suspense by announcing to the media that more information is coming soon. (It never does.)  ("We'll see..." and "In two weeks" are frequent Trump catchphrases.)

4. Discredit the opponent:  Trump attacks the motives and/or personal character of anyone who challenges him, often by using demeaning nicknames ("Lyin' Ted,"  "Little Marco,"  etc.).

5.  Declare victory -- under any circumstances, whether or not he's actually successful.  By doing this, he effectively buries the issue.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Depressingly (but realistically), Carpenter says we're stuck with Trump and his gaslighting.

Doesn't matter if he's impeached, if he's censured, or if he loses his 2020 re-election in a landslide;  he's not going to go away. 

Don't believe me? Close your eyes and try picturing Donald Trump going gently into retired life to spend the rest of his days quietly playing golf and enjoying his two scoops of ice cream after dinner at the country club each night. Ha! I couldn't even write that without laughing. Trump has never been content to fade into the background. There is no way, short of a straitjacket, ball gag, and padded room, that Trump is giving up the power and influence he has gained since becoming president. (pp. 185-186) 

But she concludes with some welcome advice and tips on what we can do to cope (and stay sane).  Just recognizing what Trump is doing (by reading this book, of course...!) is a good start.

The book is less impressive/more annoying when Carpenter's partisan colours are on display -- when she's singing the praises of Ted Cruz, for example (!), or showing her disdain for Hillary Clinton & the Democrats.

Nevertheless, this is still a worthwhile read. I gave it four stars on Goodreads.

*** *** ***

I remember reading a very positive newspaper article about
"Out of Grief, Singing: A Memoir of Motherhood and Loss" by Charlene Diehl. It seemed to me like it wasn't that long ago, but when I checked, this book was published back in 2010! -- parts of it appeared earlier in the journal Prairie Fire.  I had forgotten about it until it popped up on a list of suggestions for my Kobo e-reader recently, at a very reasonable price.

It's not a long book. I started reading it shortly after buckling my seatbelt on the plane that was taking me back to Toronto after spending Christmas in Manitoba with my family.  I read 90% of it on the 2+ hour flight, and finished it later that evening back at our condo.

A bit of Googling revealed that Diehl is the same age I am, and a fellow Manitoban. (I wonder whether we have any friends in common...!) The place names laced through her story -- Winnipeg, Brandon, Boissevain (as well as Waterloo and McMaster Hospital in Hamilton, in Ontario) -- and her evocative descriptions of the Prairie landscapes I know & love so well -- connected me further to her story -- which is, of course, similar to mine in many ways (albeit different in others).

The book (as the subtitle suggests) is about how Diehl came to terms with the loss (in November 1995) of her daughter, Chloe, who was born by emergency C-section at 28 weeks after Diehl was diagnosed with pre-ecclampsia, and died six days later in a NICU.  Diehl continued to struggle with high blood pressure and after effects of her epidural for some time afterward, and then had to have surgery for gallstones (!), all while mourning the loss of her daughter.

It is absolutely beautifully written. There is something about Diehl's lyrical prose (the use of the present tense, possibly? or perhaps the strong sense of place?) that reminded me of Jackie Shannon Hollis's book, "This Particular Happiness" (read & reviewed here).  And, of course, the subject matter was all too familiar to me, bringing back many memories, as well as NICU stories from the parents who attended our pregnancy & infant loss support group. Reading about how Diehl's mother flew to her side in the Ontario hospital -- just as mine did, less than three years later (and having just left her & my father behind, earlier that morning) -- had me quietly sobbing and wiping tears away, and the tears continued to roll down my face as I read further into the book. (I'm sure the woman sitting beside me thought I was nuts.)

It's a beautiful book, and I recommend it highly for anyone who has experienced such a loss, or who wants to understand more about it. Five stars on Goodreads.

These were books #48, #49 and #50 that I read in 2019, bringing me to 208% (!!) of my 2019 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 24 books.  I completed my challenge for the year in July, read 26 books beyond my goal (more than double) -- and surpassed my reading total for 2018 by 23 books.  :)  On to 2020!!  My new Goodreads Challenge goal for this year will be 30 books (2.5 per month).  

2019 Year in Review

Time for another Year in Review post for 2019! 

I started doing this year-end meme 9 (!) years ago -- and, although many of the answers don't change much from year to year (and I can't always think of answers, lol), it's still a great way to look back and keep track. (All of my New Year's/Year in Review posts have now been tagged with the label "Year in Review.")  Feel free to use the questions on your own blog (& let me know if you do!).

1. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't really make new year's resolutions anymore -- they tend to be pretty much the same ones, year after year (although I have modified some over time, and even deleted ones that no longer apply). Here are the perennials, and the progress I made (or didn't) in 2019: 

• Lose weight.  Alas, I am (once again) more or less the same weight as I was this time last year... I go up a few pounds, I go down, I go up again... :p  I did reach my highest weight ever during the past year... I am slightly below that right now.  I would need to lose a good 40 pounds to get back within my Weight Watchers goal range. Sigh. 
• Exercise more. (And hopefully lose more weight...!)  Massive fail on this one. :(  Still haven't gotten into a regular walking routine since we moved here (& probably won't even try now until the weather improves)  or found a yoga class, as I keep saying I'm going to do...!  For the past 3.5 years, I had the excuse of all the roadwork & construction going on around our condo building. That work is now mostly done, so come spring, I am resolving to put on my walking shoes again & start exploring the side streets in the neighbourhood near our condo. 
• Write more in my journal &/or blog. I haven't written in my paper journal in years. As for blogging, I recently marked my 12th (!!) year in this space. And I actually did wind up writing more in my blog this year (164 posts to date, including this one -- an average of about 14 posts per month) than I did last year (158 posts).  In fact, 2019 has been one of my most productive blogging years since I first hit "publish," coming second in terms of numbers of posts only to my all-time high of 172 posts in 2008, which was my first full year of blogging. Go figure!  (A "Blogging year in review" post will be coming up shortly.) 
• Read more of the books that have piled up around the house. Once again, I set myself a goal of 24 books read in 2019 via the Goodreads reading challenge -- the same as 2016, 2017 & 2018. (I read exactly 24 books in 2016, did not meet my target in 2017 with just 17 books, and wound up with 27 books in 2018).  I'm not sure what did the trick -- although I think having three book clubs to keep up with must have helped some (library, Gateway Women and D.E. Stevenson) -- but I reached my goal in July, and will finish out the year with 50 (!) books to my credit, 208% of my goal. (All books read were -- or soon will be -- reviewed on this blog under the tag "2019 books.") 
• Since 24 books is obviously quite do-able, I've decided to increase my goal modestly for 2020 to 30 books for 2020... and if I blow past that one again, I'll consider revising it to something slightly more ambitious in 2021. 
• Once again this year, non-fiction choices outnumbered fiction (26 to 24), although I did read a lot more fiction, thanks to my book clubs (7 for the library book club, 6 for GW and 6 for DES).
• Keep the clutter at bay.  (Goal slightly reworded from previous years.) As I've said before -- having downsized in 2016 from a 1,200 square foot, three-bedroom house (not including basement, garage & garden shed) to an 875-square-foot condo (plus one not-very-big storage locker), there's a LOT less clutter than there used to be -- and a lot less space for it to accumulate. I've tried to establish good habits & a place for everything right from the start, & so far, I think I've been pretty successful at doing that. Whenever the piles of books start to overwhelm my existing shelves, and/or I run out of spare hangers in the closet, I know it's time to do some weeding again...!  
• Return to scrapbooking & complete unfinished projects. (Goal reworded from previous years.)  Sadly, I have not done any scrapbooking in 10 years. And I donated the bulk of my scrapbooking supplies, including most of my substantial collection of pretty patterned paper, to the thrift store before we moved (sob!). I did keep all my unfinished projects, tools & a few other things, though. (They are sitting in a couple of plastic bins down in the storage locker.) So who knows, I may pick it up again at some point in the future & complete some of those unfinished albums...

2. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before?

Joined a (real-life) book club. Saw Elton John in concert (after listening to his music for the past 45-50 years!). Became a great-aunt!  

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

YES!  :)  Older Nephew & his wife became the proud parents of a baby boy just a few weeks ago.  If you read this blog regularly, you'll know that the timing of her pregnancy and her due date exactly mirrored my own from 21 years ago, almost to the day. It made for some difficult moments, but I am very, very glad that her pregnancy ended much more happily than mine did. (See #8.) 

4. Did anyone close to you die?

This is not close, but it broke my heart. The daughter of one of my best friends from high school died after being in a serious car accident this fall. She would have turned 30 this coming February. I never knew the daughter, but her mom continues to be in my thoughts. 

5. What countries did you visit?

While I (like many Canadians) have been reluctant to cross the border as long as the Orange One is President, I will never say never, particularly since my mother is American & I have a lot of family & friends in the States. My mother, sister & I took a quick day trip to Mom's hometown in Minnesota, just across the border, when I was "home" in October. We had lunch with a couple of cousins, including one visiting from Iowa, and talked about the family reunion they are planning for next summer. Other than that, I did not leave the country in 2019.  

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?

More travel, even just day trips to get out of the house & out of our own little community. More new experiences. I am very much a creature of habit, I will admit, but I do like getting out & exploring too, and whenever I do push myself to do it, I come back exhausted but also exhilarated. I know I keep saying this, but maybe if I say/write it enough, I'll actually do it...!  ;)  

7. What date(s) from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

November 17th:  the birth of our first great-nephew. :) 

July 20th: My dad's 80th birthday. 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting through Older Nephew's wife's pregnancy, which progressed in exactly the same time frame as mine, 21 years ago (her due date was one day apart from my own).  This included attending my first gender reveal party in June (!) & her baby shower in September. And not only did I attend these events, for the most part, I actually enjoyed them. :)  

9. What was your biggest failure?

Over the past several years, I've said, "Not speaking my mind enough, and drifting instead of taking the initiative to get things done that I wanted to do." Unfortunately, I think that still applies. :p  

Also, I really do need to get more active and try to get those numbers on the scale to edge downwards, even just a little. I know my knees and my blood pressure will thank me. 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No -- but in March I was diagnosed with a “complete PVD (posterior vitreous detachment)” in my right eye (followed by one in the left eye later in the summer!). (I posted about it here.)  Dh & I made multiple trips to our longtime optometrist's office in midtown Toronto (a looonnnggggg, slow drive in heavy traffic down Yonge Street...!) over the spring & summer to monitor the situation. The symptoms remain, albeit they're not quite as intrusive as they were (or maybe I've just gotten used to them?).  

I'm definitely feeling older these days, with parts of me (my knees in particular, and especially the left one!) getting creakier and not working quite as well as they used to...!  :p 

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Tickets to see Elton John with my sister (after seeing Paul McCartney together in 2018). :)  And then tickets to see him again in 2020 here in Toronto with my sister-in-law, as well as tickets to see "Hamilton" with dh in 2020 too.    

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

The first answer that came to mind was the American civil servants who stood up to the president, did the right thing, and testified before the House of Representatives committee about what they knew. 

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? 

Politicians of many stripes, both in the U.S. (Donald Trump & his cronies, obviously) & on this side of the border, both provincially and federally.  (We had a federal election in October!)  

14. Where did most of your money go?

Beyond the usual bills -- and books, lol -- our condo board levied (another) special assessment (the second one since we moved here) to replenish the reserve fund that was poorly managed/depleted by the original property management company.  Hopefully that will be the last one for quite a while...! 

We've also bought a lot of stuff for our new great-nephew -- a rocking chair and crib mattress for his nursery, lots of cute outfits :) diapers & formula.  We know that anything we do for this little guy, we'll also need to do for any future brothers or sisters or cousins, to be fair... so we're trying (with great difficulty!) not to go TOO overboard...!! ;)  

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The impending arrival & birth of our first great-nephew. 

Seeing Elton John with my sister. :)  

Getting tickets to see "Hamilton" when it comes to Toronto next year. 

16. What song will always remind you of 2019?

I'm not sure. I Googled "top songs of 2019" and I barely knew any of them, which shows you how current my listening is, lol.  And I can't think of an older song that especially connects with this year. Maybe "Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting," which featured in both "Rocketman" the movie, and was a rousing finale to the Elton John concert I attended (even though it was written & recorded in, what, 1973, 1975?). 


17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

More or less the same, on all three fronts.     

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? 

Travelling. Trying new things. Reading more books (even though I did much better on that front than I've done in many years!)  But hey, there's always next year... 

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Sitting around the house. :p  

20. How did you spend Christmas? 

With my family on the Canadian Prairies (as usual).  There was some snow on the ground, albeit not as much as some years, and it was not quite as cold as it sometimes is at Christmas. Ham dinner & presents on Christmas Eve with PND & the Little Princesses, stockings and turkey on Christmas Day. Much more of the prep work, cooking & cleanup has been falling to me & my sister in recent years, so we were kept busy! 

21. Did you fall in love in 2019?

With my new great-nephew, yes. :)  

22. What was your favorite TV program?

I don't have as many regular TV shows that I watch as I once did. I love watching "Bob's Burgers" (both current episodes and reruns) and still enjoy "Mom." I enjoyed the latest seasons of "Victoria" & "Poldark" on PBS, and "The Handmaid's Tale" on Bravo. We both enjoyed watching Ken Burns's series on "Country Music" on PBS.  And I was thrilled that CBC brought back "Battle of the Blades" this fall (even if my favourite team wound up placing third)!  

I haven't yet watched season 3 of "The Crown" on Netflix, but look forward to tackling that again soon. 

23. Do you hate anyone now that you did not hate this time last year? 

No.  Hate is a strong word. But I am definitely not a fan of the President of the United States and his cronies. :p  

24. What was the best book you read? 

(See #1)   It's always very hard for me to pick a single book as "the best," and this year, there were quite a few that would contend for that title -- lots of four and five-star reviews on Goodreads!  The list would definitely include: 

• "Say Nothing" by Patrick Radden Keefe 
• "Beartown" by Fredrik Backman 
• "Little Fires Everywhere" and "Everything I Never Told You" by Celeste Ng 
• "The Testaments" by Margaret Atwood 

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

See #16 -- as in the past, I must admit, I don't listen to a lot of new music. 

26. What did you want and get?

Hamilton tickets!!  lol  So looking forward to seeing it in May! 

27. What did you want and not get?

Still waiting on that sunspot vacation. ;)  (Or any kind of major vacation that doesn't involve visiting family, lol.)   A new (quieter) humidifier for our condo. 

28. What was your favourite film of this year? 

We saw 14 movies in the theatres in 2019 (compared to 15 in 2018, 16 in 2016 and 2017, and 23 in 2015)(listed here in the order we saw them in):  On the Basis of Sex, The Favourite, Apollo 11, Avengers: Endgame, Long Shot, Booksmart, Rocketman, Late Night, Yesterday, Blinded by the Light, Downton Abbey, Judy, Western Stars, and Ford vs Ferrari. 

As with books, it's hard to pick a favourite. I'm not sure there was one movie that completely blew me away, although every one of these was good/enjoyable on its own merits. 

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 58.  My birthday fell on a Saturday. I had a manicure & pedicure in the morning, followed by lunch and a bookstore visit with dh.  We went out for dinner at my favourite local steakhouse, but the lineups were ridiculous, so we went to another favourite restaurant instead. BIL, SIL, our nephews, their wives AND the dog came over, later, bringing a cake & presents with them.  

59 (gulp) coming up shortly (!).

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A little more travel beyond the limits of the Greater Toronto Area. 

Less politics in my social media feeds. :p  More politicians who are willing to do the right thing and not just worry about their own political futures. 

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019? 

It hasn't changed much in recent years. I tend to value comfort more than style these days!  Since retirement, I spend most of my days in yoga pants (or shorts, in the summer) & T-shirts, lol.  Jeans when I'm out & about. Lots of Old Navy, and Lucky Brand (which I love!).   

32. What kept you sane?

(This question assumes sanity on my part, lol.  ;)  ) Once again this year, I would credit a good mixture of downtime at home, and getting out of the house. Also, turning off the news channels on TV & (especially whenever the Orange One comes on to speak!) and listening to music instead!  

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I had to think about this one. One contender that came to mind was Dr. Jen Gunter, author of "The Vagina Bible," and fellow Manitoban.  She's made it her mission to debunk myths and empower women with facts about their own bodies, and she does it with a lot of humour (and no apologies). 

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

In recent years, I've expounded on the issue of freedom of the press and media bashing, and this remains near & dear to my heart, as well the whole issue of equality and women's rights, which are (once again) under threat. 

I'm also increasingly convinced that we're screwed as a planet.  Unbelievably, I have several friends on social media who don't believe in climate change or the need to wean ourselves from fossil fuels. I think they must have their heads in the oilsands, because the evidence is all around us. Yes, China & India are a big problem and need to get their acts together too, but every little bit helps. Sometimes I am glad I don't have children for this reason. 

35. Who did you miss? 

FIL. It's hard to believe he's been gone more than a year now. He would have loved this new great-grandchild!   

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I actually did meet a few new people this year, albeit none of them have become close friends (yet?). I had a nice long chat over coffee with another childless-not-by-choice woman last spring (we were introduced by a mutual online friend). Unfortunately, she lives about an hour away from me -- I don't drive, and public transit is not really an option in this case -- but we are hoping to meet up again soon, perhaps at a halfway point between our two locations!  

I also met a lot of fellow book lovers through my library book club (and, after several meetings, I'm even starting to remember some of their names!  lol).  

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019. 

This year brought home to me, once again, that while the days & weeks sometimes drag, the months & years go by far too quickly. Life, youth & health are precious, and disappear far too quickly sometimes. Enjoy it all while you can! 

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

See #16... I will have to think of this one.... 

"Women & Power" by Mary Beard

In "Women & Power: A Manifesto," Mary Beard ponders "just how deeply embedded in Western culture are the mechanisms that silence women, that refuse to take them seriously, and that sever them (sometimes quite literally, as we shall see) from the centres of power." (Preface, pp. x-xi)

Answer: very. "When it comes to silencing women, Western culture has had thousands of years of practice," Beard says. (3,000-plus, in fact, with the first recorded example found in Homer's Odyssey.)

Beard should know:  she is a classics professor at the University of Cambridge and a well-known television personality in the United Kingdom (whom I recognize from watching various programs on PBS and TVOntario). And, sadly, she's had her own experiences with men trying to silence and mansplain her, on Twitter and elsewhere. 

This is a small, slim little book -- a little more than 100 well-spaced pages (including a preface, afterword, references, acknowledgments, index -- and full-page illustrations!). It's really more of a long essay in two parts than a book, and it's actually based on two lectures Beard gave in 2014 and 2017.  (And yes, I will admit to deliberately going for a short book in an effort to reach my revised 2019 reading goal, lol.)

But Beard packs a lot into those pages, and provides much food for thought and further discussion. She shares examples from her extensive knowledge of ancient Greek and Roman history and literature, with connections to current events and personalities.

I found it interesting and thought-provoking -- a quick read, and worth the brief time it takes to read it. :)  I have only two quibbles (hence, my not-quite-perfect rating below): 

First (mild spoiler alert here): near the end, Beard asks, "Should we be optimistic about change when we think about what power is and what it can do, and women's engagement with it?"  She continues, "Maybe, we should a little."  (p. 87) But on the next page, she admits, "the picture overall is rather more gloomy."  Well, she's honest. I just wish she had reason to feel differently.

And,  in the afterword, Beard explains that she only did some "very light updating" to the two lectures she delivered.  "...I have resisted the temptation to make drastic changes, to introduce new themes or to develop at length some of the ideas that are merely floated here. I would like in the future to think harder about how exactly we might go about re-configuring those notions of  'power' that now exclude all but a very few women;  and I would like to try to pull apart the very idea of 'leadership' (usually male) that is now assumed to be the key to successful institutions, from schools and universities to businesses and government. But that is for another day." (pp. 93-94)  There's a part of me that wishes Beard hadn't resisted temptation and had tackled those ideas in a longer and more expansive book. I really hope she does so in the future! 

Four (4) stars on Goodreads.

This was book #47 that I have read in 2019 to date, bringing me to 196% (!) of my 2019 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 24 books.  I have completed my challenge for the year -- currently 23 books beyond my  goal -- and I have surpassed my reading total for 2018 by 20 books.  :) 

(Can I double my original goal and read one more book -- for a total of 48 -- in the two weeks before the end of the year??  How about going for 50??  Stay tuned...!) 

"The Baker's Daughter" by D.E. Stevenson

"The Baker's Daughter" is the D.E. Stevenson novel that has stuck most prominently in my memory since the first time I read it as a teenager in the 1970s. I read it several times back then, and was delighted when it was reissued in 2016. I gobbled it up then (my review from then here) and found it just as charming as I remembered.

I recently offered to organize a discussion of "The Baker's Daughter" if my online Stevenson fan group agreed to take it on as our next group read (following "Mrs. Tim Flies Home," reviewed here).  They agreed :)  and while we haven't even started our discussion of Mrs. Tim yet ;) I couldn't resist getting a head start on this favourite DES novel.  :) 

Time & multiple readings have not diminished its charm for me.

"The Baker's Daughter" of the title is Sue Pringle, who has kept house for her father since her mother's death, but has been supplanted in that role by her new stepmother.  On an impulse, she offers to cook & keep house for for an eccentric artist and his glamorous wife who have just moved into an old mill outside of town. It isn't long before the bored wife high-tails it back to London -- and then files for divorce (gasp!) -- but Sue opts to stay on -- and, of course, winds up falling in love with her employer.

This book was first published in 1938 and, as with most DES novels, there are a few references that might make the modern reader cringe (Sue's admiration of General Franco, Darnay's musings on beauty and "purity of race" (!), etc.).  Still, these minor points don't diminish my overall enjoyment of the book.  As with most of Stevenson's novels, the writing is lovely, and the characters are wonderfully drawn.

(Still) Four stars on Goodreads.

This was book #46 that I have read in 2019 to date, bringing me to 192% (!) of my 2019 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 24 books.  I have completed my challenge for the year -- currently 22 books beyond my  goal -- and I have surpassed my reading total for 2018 by 19 books.  :) 

(Can I double my original goal and read 2 more books -- total 48 -- in the 2.5 weeks before the end of the year??  Stay tuned...!) 

Right now

Right now... (an occasional meme, alternating from time to time with "The Current")

Reading:  I read four (5) books in November (all reviewed on this blog):

• This Particular Happiness: A Childless Love Story by Jackie Shannon Hollis (she & Jody Day discussed the book in a Zoom call for the private Gateway Women community yesterday).
• The Home for Unwanted Girls by Joanna Goodman (discussed at my November library book club meeting earlier this week -- most people liked it & would recommend it).
• Me by Elton John 
• Mrs. Tim Flies Home by D.E. Stevenson
• Notes to Self by Emilie Pine 

With one month to go, my Goodreads 2019 Reading Challenge YTD total now stands at 45 books -- 21 more than my goal of 24 (188%).  :)  Jess challenged me in a previous comment to double my original challenge goal ( = 48 books), which would mean reading three more books by the end of December. Even if I don't get anything read between now & Christmas, I usually read a couple of books while I'm at my parents' house over the holidays, so it just might be do-able...!)

Current read(s): Deciding on the next one! 

Coming up:

• No library book club meeting in December. Our January discussion will be about "The Alice Network" by Kate Quinn, which I read & reviewed earlier this year here. It was supposed to be discussed at our meeting LAST January (2019) -- the first meeting I was planning to attend. Alas, there was a heavy snowstorm and all library programs that evening were cancelled. :(  A few people were complaining about revisiting a book they'd read last year, but I'm glad we're finally getting another chance to talk about it!  (Which reminds me, Quinn's "The Huntress" is also in my TBR pile...!) 
• My D.E. Stevenson group will be waiting until the New Year to begin our online discussion of "Mrs. Tim Flies Home," which I recently read & reviewed here. After that, at my suggestion :)  we're going to tackle my personal DES favourite, "The Baker's Daughter," which the group last read & discussed some 20 (!) years ago. I read & reviewed that one here back in early 2016, but may do a re-read, especially since it's one I love. :)  

(Some) recent purchases/additions to the TBR pile (that I haven't read yet):

• The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead
• The Mitford Murders by Jessica Fellowes
• The Whisper Network by Chandler Baker 

Watching:  We didn't see any movies in the theatre in November. :( 

On television:

• The fifth and final season of "Poldark" on PBS wrapped up with a slightly ridiculous finale episode. This season departed from the source material (the books by Winston Graham), and as a result, I found it much less satisfying... but I do still love the characters & actors. Hoping they will be able to reunite the cast in another 10 years or so to film the final 5 books in the series (which take place 10 years after the original 7 novels)!  
• Still haven't had time to get into Season 3 of "The Crown"... hoping to watch it all before we head west for Christmas!  
• Anyone know if "Victoria" will be returning soon?? 

Listening:  To a few episodes of the podcast "Kidless" with Ashley & Eric, who are childfree by choice. They recently had a great conversation with Katy of Chasing Creation, who is childless-not-by-choice. Check it out!

Following: Weather reports... lots of warnings/advisories. It was raining this morning, which turned to freezing rain, and is now a snowstorm. Glad to stay safe & warm at home today! 

Drinking/Eating:  For lunch:  leftover fast-fired pizza from dinner at the mall last night:  cream sauce, mozzarella, onion & garlic, spinach leaves, chicken & sausage. Yum!  For dinner:  trying a new Pinterest recipe for crockpot chicken & dumplings, using a can of cut-up Pillsbury biscuits for the dumplings. We'll see how it turns out, but it IS starting to smell good...! 

Buying (besides books, lol):  Christmas presents (of course). (Time is rapidly running out, yikes!!) Baby clothes & diapers (when they're on sale), for Great-Nephew. :)

Wearing: My Christmas-themed long-sleeved waffle-weave shirts from Old Navy, around the house. :)

Wanting: To see our little great-nephew.  :) 

Enjoying: The lights of our Christmas tree, which we put up on Wednesday & decorated on Thursday.

Loving: Spending time with our new little great-nephew. (And the dog!  lol) 

Feeling:  Relieved (incredibly so), that our little great-nephew arrived safely and is doing well. Happy that it's Christmastime. :) 

"Notes to Self" by Emilie Pine

I am not sure where I first heard about "Notes to Self" by Emilie Pine, but when I saw it on the bookstore shelf, I knew it was something I had to pick up. It's a slim volume of six personal essays from a definite female/feminist perspective. I enjoy books like this that I can dip in & out of without losing track of plot or characters.

In this case, I found the book hard to put down -- but I also appreciated the ability to read one essay & then take a break to absorb what I had just read. Pine's writing is amazing, simply stunning at times, and breathtaking in its honesty.

Here's one passage (of many) that I marked with a post-it note, from the "Author's Note."  Let's just say, I can relate...! : 

There are many valid reasons why people keep difficult experiences private. Talking about them can feel like exposing a raw nerve. It can make us afraid of others' judgments. It can make us feel more, not less, alone. And so we keep quiet. But it's not just the risk of public exposure that that silences us;  our self-censorship is so often due to that disapproving inner critic, whose voice tells us that our lives are too small, or too messy, or too painful to share. I didn't want to listen to that critical, belittling voice any longer...

This passage (also from the author's note) may strike a chord with bloggers: 

Though I have written solely about my personal experience, readers have seen their own lives reflected in these pages. The emotions I kept in the dark for so long, it turns out, are not mine alone. The things we are afraid to say, the things we are ashamed of, or embarrassed by, these are not, after all, the things that isolate us. These are the things that connect us. And this realization leads me to another: In writing my life, I thought I was writing about pain. But I have also, accidentally, written about love. 

If, like me, you are childless-not-by-choice, you might like to know that Pine is "one of us," and writes movingly about her journey through infertility, miscarriage and, finally, acceptance (as well as her sister's pregnancy loss) in an essay called "The Baby Years." There's also an essay titled "Notes on Bleeding and Other Crimes" that covers menstruation, menopause and body image that had me nodding along as I turned the pages.

Other topics Pine covers in this book include her father's alcoholism, her parents' failed marriage, her wild teenage years (including eating disorders, drug abuse and rape), and workplace sexism and workaholism.

Read it. It's amazing.

Five stars.

*** *** ***

Pine also had an essay in British Vogue recently. The title alone makes me want to stand up & cheer:  "A Childless Woman Is Not A Tragic Figure."  Sample passage: 

For a long time, during what I think of as "the baby years", I felt as if I were on the sidelines, as if the centre of life were moving on without me. And all through those years, the feeling I struggled most with was failure. I felt that if I tried harder, or took more hormones, or did more tests, I could find the cure for my failure to conceive, or to hold onto a pregnancy... 

I am allergic to the idea that failure is something we have to go through in order to reach success. But I am also done with failure, with marking my body and my life as something that has failed. Because the problem with failure is not just the dead-end of it, but the shame it comes wrapped in. 

In 2017 I wrote an essay about infertility. The first draft ended with the word "barren". That word expressed how bereft I felt, and how angry, and how shamed. And it is a powerful thing to claim grief and pain as your own. But it was a terrible word, a terrible conclusion. Re-reading the essay, I decided the most feminist thing I could do would be to write myself a happy ending. And so I wrote about the great life I saw ahead for me and my partner. A life without children. It felt speculative. And it felt hopeful. And, most of all, it felt like a giant "f**k you" to the persistent expectation that a childless woman is a tragic figure.

This was book #45 that I have read in 2019 to date, bringing me to 188% (!) of my 2019 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 24 books.  I have completed my challenge for the year -- currently 21 books beyond my  goal -- and I have surpassed my reading total for 2018 by 18 books.  :)

"Mrs. Tim Flies Home" by D.E. Stevenson

My D.E. Stevenson online fan group will be reading and discussing "Mrs. Tim Flies Home" together shortly, and I got a head start on the book.  :)  We've been reading all the "Mrs. Tim" books over the past two years, alternating them with other World War 2-era DES books for variety. 

"Mrs. Tim Flies Home" is the fourth and final book in the "Mrs. Tim" series, which began with "Mrs. Tim of the Regiment" (pre-war), followed by "Mrs. Tim Carries On" (set during the war) and "Mrs. Tim Gets a Job" (the immediate post-war era).

This book was first published in 1952, and was recently reissued in a new edition for the first time in many years. Like the others, it takes the form of a diary kept by Hester (Mrs. Tim) Christie, while her husband (Major Tim Christie of the British Army) is posted abroad.  Hester and Tim have been living in Kenya for the past 18 months, but Hester is longing to see their children, Bryan and Betty (now teenagers/young adults, attending boarding school & college back in England), and arranges to rent a house in the village of Old Quinings for the summer. 

Part of the fun of reading DES's books is how characters & settings from one book tend to pop up in another.  Old Quinings was the setting of our group's previous read, "Kate Hardy", and several characters from that book are present in this one too (plus there's a cameo appearance by Mr. Grace of "The Four Graces").  Several other characters we've come to know from previous Mrs. Tim books make an appearance -- including (surprise!)(NOT!)  Hester and Tim's friend Tony Morley (now a general).  That Tony carries a torch for Hester has been obvious to readers all through last three books (but not, however, to the completely oblivious Hester). Early in this volume, Tony meets up with Hester while she's on a stopover in Rome, which winds up becoming the subject of local gossip in Old Quinings -- and a potential wedge in Hester's marriage. 

This book very much reflects its time and setting.  Like most of DES's books, there's not a whole lot going on in the way of plot, but the writing is warm and wonderful, with memorable characters & witty dialogue. It's a pleasant way to spend a few hours (preferably with a cup of tea in hand).  :)  Some early passages where Hester describes life in Kenya are pretty cringeworthy from a modern, post-colonial perspective, but didn't detract from my overall enjoyment of the book.

Three stars on Goodreads (it would have been 3.5, if half-stars were possible!).

(Our next group read once this one is completed will be my personal DES favourite, "The Baker's Daughter." :)  )

This was book #44 that I have read in 2019 to date, bringing me to 183% (!) of my 2019 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 24 books.  I have completed my challenge for the year -- currently 20 books beyond my  goal -- and I have surpassed my reading total for 2018 by 17 books.  :)

"Me" by Elton John

I posted this book cover on Facebook
with the caption: "Saw the movie... Went to
the concert.. Now reading the book.  Did NOT buy
the T-shirt... Those suckers were $65 each!!" 

When I think about the music that forms the soundtrack of my life, Elton John makes up a big part of it.  He was the biggest rock star in the world when I was growing up in the 1970s, and he & his music have continued to be part of my life in the almost 50 (!) years since then. I was 9 when "Your Song" became a huge hit (albeit my first exposure to it was a 14-year-old Donny Osmond singing it to an audience of screaming girls on the "Osmonds Live" LP, lol). "Daniel" was on a K-Tel record of hits that was played endlessly at the skating rink I frequented (also another Elton song, "Bad Side of the Moon," as sung by Canadian band April Wine). My Grade 8 classmates acted out "Crocodile Rock" as a Language Arts project.  And oh, the angst of watching the boys I liked slow dancing with other girls at our junior high dances to "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" or "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me"...!

Later, as an adult, I was thrilled (after years of listening to Van Morrison warbling about his "Brown-Eyed Girl") that Elton wrote a song called "Blue Eyes." ;)  (Apparently it was written for his boyfriend of the time, lol.)  And I challenge anyone going through infertility to listen to "Blessed" and not feel like it was written just for us. 

(I could go on & on, but you get the drift.)

Having seen "Rocketman" earlier this year and attended one of his farewell tour concerts last month, I was happy to snap up a copy of Elton's memoir, "Me," the day it came out (but had to postpone reading it in order to get my various book club selections read first).

The movie was billed as a "musical fantasy" and it was interesting to read the book & figure out what was fact & what was cinematic embellishment. (No, he didn't stalk offstage at Madison Square Gardens & head straight to rehab in costume... although he did go to rehab & kicked drugs and alcohol after 16 years of abuse. Yes, his parents really were that awful.)

This book was frank, moving, insightful, witty, gossipy, occasionally catty -- and frequently hilarious. (I was reading it in bed & woke up dh -- I was trying not to laugh out loud, but I was shaking so much with suppressed laughter, I woke him up anyway, lol.) As one of my girlfriends (who also read the book) commented, "What a life he has had!" 

(ALI note: Elton's sons Zachary & Elijah were conceived using donor eggs and sperm from both him and his husband David -- they don't know which one of them is the biological parent -- and carried by a surrogate.).

If you're not an Elton John fan, or a fan of celebrity memoirs generally, you might not be quite as enthralled with this book as I was... but I absolutely loved it. It was SUCH a great read. I gave it 5 stars on Goodreads.

This was book #43 that I have read in 2019 to date, bringing me to 179% (!) of my 2019 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 24 books.  I have completed my challenge for the year -- currently 19 books beyond my  goal -- and I have surpassed my reading total for 2018 by 16 books.  :)

"The Home for Unwanted Girls" by Joanna Goodman

"Another tragic one??" one of the women at the last meeting of my library book club commented, as we flipped through our copies of the next month's selection.

Yep.

Most of our book club's picks over the past year have dealt with some pretty heavy (even depressing) material.  "The Home for Unwanted Girls" by Joanna Goodman fits this description. It could be categorized as an ALI (adoption/loss/infertility) read, in part -- adoption, grief and loss (including pregnancy loss) are among its themes. It is also based on a true and shameful chapter in Quebecois/Canadian history -- one I knew nothing about before reading this book.

The title of Hugh MacLennan's 1945 novel, "Two Solitudes,"  has become a metaphor for the historically troubled relationship between English and French Canadians, and their social and cultural isolation from each other.  This tension forms the backdrop for "The Home for Unwanted Girls." The story is set in 1950s Quebec, which was ruled, iron hand in iron hand, by longtime Premier Maurice Duplessis and the Catholic church.

Our heroine, Maggie Hughes, is the oldest daughter of a mixed marriage between her French-Catholic mother and Anglo-Protestant father. As a teenager, she raises the ire of her parents when she falls in love with Gabriel Phenix -- a poor French boy who lives and works on the neighbouring farm -- and then becomes pregnant.  Maggie is ordered to never see Gabriel again.  When their daughter Elodie is born, the baby is whisked away to be adopted, and Maggie is told to forget about her.

But she can't. She and Gabriel marry other people, but Maggie never gives up hope that she will find her daughter someday. Meanwhile, Elodie grows up in a church-run orphanage, hoping that someday her mother will come to find her. The story shifts back & forth between Maggie & Elodie's stories.

I knew about some of the abuses that have been uncovered in church-run institutions, but I'd never heard of the particular brand of horror that little Elodie endures. Because of a new law that provides more funding to psychiatric hospitals than to orphanages, Quebec's orphanages are converted into psychiatric hospitals -- a move that enriches both the provincial government and the Catholic church. Elodie and thousands of other young "orphans" are declared mentally ill. Their education abruptly ends, and they are forced to help the nuns care for the other residents.

This is one of those books I'm not sure I would have picked up without the book club.  It was sad and sometimes downright grim, detailing the abuse these children suffered. There were a couple of subplots (one involving Maggie's father and Gabriel's sister, and another involving Maggie's uncle) that felt superfluous & didn't really contribute much to the book overall.  But it did keep me turning the pages (particularly once Elodie's story started unfolding) to find out what happened next and how it would all turn out. I shed tears in the final few chapters.

Three (3) stars on Goodreads -- 3.5, if I could assign half-stars.

*** *** ***

Sample ALI-related passage (marked with a post-it note):  Maggie -- who recently had her third miscarriage, post-Elodie -- is having coffee with her old school friend, Audrey, currently pregnant with her third child.

"Listen," [Audrey] says, "Before we get into things, how are you coping, Mags?"  

Maggie tips her head. "Coping?"  

"I know you're having a hell of a time getting pregnant," Audrey says, her voice turning sympathetic. She lowers her voice and whispers, "The miscarriages."  

Maggie flicks her ashes into the ashtray. "Where did you hear that?" she asks.  

"Oh, you know Dunham," she says. "Violet, I think."  

"I've had a tubal washing," Maggie tells her. "The prognosis is good."  

Audrey is obviously rooting for Maggie to get on the baby bandwagon. People seem to have so much invested in a married woman getting pregnant within the accepted timeline. It troubles them when it doesn't happen, as though some universally agreed upon contract has been tampered with or disturbed. Maggie can actually feel the unspoken championing of her success at fertility, the simultaneous panic if she were to fail. (pp. 163-164) 

This was book #42 that I have read in 2019 to date, bringing me to 175% (!) of my 2019 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 24 books.  I have completed my challenge for the year -- currently 18 books beyond my  goal -- and I have surpassed my reading total for 2018 by 15 books.  :)