Odds & ends: Canadian edition

• I had to change the title of a recent post ("Dodged that...")(although the original is still evident in the post's URL...!). (Admittedly, I could have chosen a better title to begin with...!  But headline-writing was never my forte in journalism school or at work, lol.)  I was horrified to check my comments the morning after I posted, only to find a spam comment offering guns for sale (!!).  It was written in Spanish (!), but I got the gist of it (and deleted it immediately). (For one thing -- handguns are illegal in Canada.)  
• I got a letter in the mail from Service Canada recently. Wasn't sure why, until I opened it and started reading -- and got the giggles. I recently celebrated my 64th (!) birthday, and the letter was informing me that my Old Age Security payments will begin in February 2026, one year from now, i.e., the month following my 65th (gulp!) birthday. I guess that makes me officially old??  (Almost, anyway...!)  
• I WAS expecting to get a letter/notification -- dh got one before HE turned 65, a few years ago -- but I thought it would come later in the year.  
• I have ZERO interest in the Super Bowl, and I wasn't really paying attention while dh watched. But I did catch a few of the ads. ;)   We don't get to see many of the (in)famous U.S. ads here, because of Canadian content regulations -- the broadcasters substitute ads for Canadian companies instead, even if you're watching a channel/network from the U.S. (Although we can view most of the U.S. ads on YouTube and elsewhere online, of course.)  I must say Canadian companies have really stepped up their game -- there were some really good ads from them this year (and a few questionable ones...!).  A few notables: 
• Doritos (which is, of course, an American product, by an American company) did an ad obviously specifically produced for the Canadian market, poking fun at the Canadian penchant for saying "sorry."  (Personally, I'm not sure whether I like it -- but, nice try!)   
• There was an ad for Rogers (telecomm company) starring Keanu Reeves (! -- he is, of course, a Toronto boy!).  (Couldn't find a clip for that one, though.) 
• There was a hilarious Crown Royal ad starring Dave Grohl. (I think that's an old one, though?) 
• And there was an ad for Tim Hortons (coffee/doughnut shop chain, founded by and named for a hockey player -- how Canadian can you get, right? --although it's now owned by a Brazilian conglomerate)(!!), set to the tune of Stompin' Tom Connors's much-beloved anthem "The Hockey Song" -- but instead of "oh, the good old hockey game," they were singing "oh, the good old football game." 
• I was HORRIFIED:  "For an AMERICAN FOOTBALL GAME?? WTAF, Timmies?? (Where was this ad when the Grey Cup was on??)"  
• Then I saw the ad a second time -- and realized:  instead of "Oh, the good old hockey game/It's the best game you can name/And the best game you can name/Is the good old hockey game" the words were now "Oh, the good old football game/It's the second-best game you can name..."  The frame at the end reads "Sorry not sorry. (We're Canadian.)" (Inside Canadian joke there.)  
• I did have to chuckle at that. (Although I do think you could have made it third-best -- there  IS the Grey Cup, after all...!)  
• Needless to say, we Canadians are just a LITTLE sensitive when it comes to Americans co-opting our culture at the moment...!  
• The YouTube clip of the song I linked to is a live performance Stompin' Tom gave, near the end of his life, on a 2012 episode of the Conan O'Brien show shot here in Toronto in front of a cheering, standing crowd. (I have to admit, I got a little misty-eyed!)  
• Here's another great clip of Tom performing the song at the 1999 closing game at Maple Leaf Gardens (before the Leafs moved to the new Air Canada Centre, now called the Scotiabank Arena).  The song gets played at every Leafs home game. 
• In a slight twist, the province of Ontario (where I live) ran an ad on U.S. networks during the game, touting our longstanding relationship, which Yahoo News Canada described as the "most politely aggressive Super Bowl ad."  (This ad/Similar ads have already been playing frequently on network TV, including CNN, for the past few weeks.) 
• In a similar vein -- I was amused, earlier in the month -- following certain-- ahem -- statements about my country from the new U.S. president -- to open the Kobo.com/ca/en home page (for ebooks) and discover a raft of new featured categories that include: 
• eBooks made in Canada: The True North strong and well-read – show your true patriot love and dive into a homegrown read.
• Finished Onyx Storm? Try these Canadian authors next:  Find your next Canadian read full of romance, magic, and fantastical creatures.
• Top Canadian eBook Pick (there were several of these) 
• Best Canadian eBooks of the Month
• Homegrown stories with glowing hearts: Learn about the experiences of being Black and Canadian.
• New Canadian authors we can't wait to read
• Made in Canada: Audiobooks by Canadian authors.

You might expect to find something like this in/around early July, i.e., Canada Day -- but February??  My reaction ranged from amused -- people think Canadians aren't patriotic?? -- to slightly annoyed at this blatant corporate attempt to cash in on the current surge of patriotism.  Although I guess if people are looking for more Canadian authors to read...! 

Pre-Christmas annoying things & small pleasures

REALLY annoying thing:  I took a tumble today (no stairs involved this time, though) & banged up my face.  :(  :(  :(    Just before Christmas, of course...! (Just call me Klutz Kringle.)  It could have been worse, I guess, but combined with my rosacea/redness (see "Other annoying things," below), let's just say I've looked better. 

 

We had dentist appointments in the city today -- got there early and parked in a lot near both our dentist & optometrist. I left dh in the car to head to the optometrist's office (right across the street from the lot) to get some lid/lash wipes for my eyes. Most of the lot is surrounded by a low fence, but I headed for the street through a narrow gap between a parked truck and a concrete planter. 

 

And tripped, went flying, and fell. Bit my lip and banged my left cheekbone. (Big red bruise/abrasion. A few small cuts/abrasions on both my palms, too, and I later discovered a mildly skinned left knee under my jeans.)  Can't remember if I knocked off my glasses, but the lens on the left side got all scratched up with gravel (fortunately, on the outside edge, side, so I can still see OK, but...!) -- and I could see the lens had come a little loose from the frame.  

 

I picked myself up, dusted myself off and went back to the car to inspect the damage. (Poor dh! He felt so guilty that he hadn't come with me!)  I was a pretty pathetic sight, and needless to say, I was pretty shaken up. I had some wet wipes in my purse, so I wiped off my face with them (dirt, bits of gravel & some blood -- almost entirely from where I bit my upper left lip). Felt my teeth with my tongue and they were all still there and all seemed intact, thank goodness. I thought, well, at least I can get the dentist to check them out!  Put on a mask (thank goodness I had one with me; it hid just about all the damage) and headed for the dentist. 

 

I told the woman at the desk what happened and asked if she had a cold pack I could use. Took off my mask to show them and boy, they jumped into action. She got me a cold pack and asked the dentist to come see me right away. My hygienist took me into her little cubicle and had me lay down in the chair with the cold pack on my face. The dentist came in & poked around my teeth, and he got me some Advil. He said he didn't see any damage (thank goodness!);  a couple of the bottom teeth were maybe just a LITTLE loose, but he felt they'll be OK over time. He did say sometimes when you take a blow to the face like that, teeth can sometimes discolour or die (!) but we'll keep an eye on it and cross that bridge if/when we get there.  

Both he & the hygienist said they didn't think they could (or should) do the full exam & cleaning today;  my lip was already swelling up. I told him it felt like when he puts freezing in for a filling!  So now I have to go back next week! (so long as I'm feeling better & the swelling has gone down). They will probably do some X-rays then, just to make sure all is well. They just let me lay there, holding the cold pack on my face, while dh had his appointment. (His dentist -- a super nice man who has also done work on me -- came in to say hello and ask how I was before we left.) 

After we were done, we headed over to the optometrist's office. I kept my mask on and got my wipes, and then asked if he had a couple of minutes to look at my glasses. I explained to him what happened and showed him my glasses (while keeping my mask on!). He fiddled with them, had me try them on three times until he was satisfied with the fit. He said to come back & see him if I want to replace them. The lenses ARE 10 years old;  I broke the frames about 6 years ago and luckily was able to replace those and use the same lenses -- but I've been thinking that even if my prescription hasn't changed, it's probably time for a new pair (don't you think??).  Dh's glasses are almost that old too, and he's been itching for new ones.  So I may make appointments for us when we get back from Christmas. (They'll be fine for now.) 

 

We stopped at a drugstore on the way back to the car and I bought a cold bottle of water -- I drank some but  mostly held the bottle to my face, like an ice pack. When we finally got home, I washed my face and put some witch hazel and polysporin on my bruises, and I've been using an ice pack, on & off. It looks a little better than it did, but still not great. Hopefully I'll be mostly better before we head west to see my parents! (I suppose I could always use some makeup to cover up or at least minimize the bruising.)   

 

Dh told me it was on the news that U.S. Senator Mitch McConnell tripped and fell today too. I said, "Yeah, but he's 82!"   

We have haircuts on Friday. I told dh that I'm going to tell our stylist that my fat lip is the result of a filler injection gone bad, lol.  

*** *** *** 

Other annoying things: 

• Hitting "mark all as read" (as in ALL the unread emails in my inbox -- and there were a LOT) instead of marking one particular email as UNread. Grrrr.....
• The Canada Post strike (now in its 4th week -- going on since Nov. 15th! -- and not looking like it will be resolved anytime soon...) -- which means I probably won't be sending out Christmas cards for the first time I can remember since I started doing it as a kid (probably ever??). Or receiving any either -- one of my great pleasures at Christmastime (although, granted, there have been fewer and fewer every year in recent years...).  
• My rosacea has been acting up again, especially since it turned colder. I think the lack of humidity in our condo has a lot to do with it (although we've been running the humidifier constantly). I don't mind the fine lines and grey hair that comes from aging, but people used to rave about my beautiful skin, and I took pride and comfort in that -- so this is a real blow to my ego! 
• In the latest installment of "Adventures with my Kobo E-reader,"  lately, when I try to sync my reader and download my latest purchases, the sync progress seems "stuck" on "Updating books."  
• I've waited up to half an hour or 45 minutes before cancelling the sync -- and then tried again, two or three minutes later. Weirdly, I've found that often does the trick -- it almost immediately starts downloading my books and completes the sync! (Knocking wood...!) Definitely better than signing out of my account and then back in again -- and then having to download all the books I want downloaded all over again, so they're ready to read when I want them! -- but still annoying...! 

Small pleasures: 

• A photo on Instagram of Little Great-Nephew with Santa!  :)  
• Stopping to take a peek at Santa myself whenever I'm at the mall. Always a day brightener!  
• Having our Christmas tree up and decorated, and the extra light it gives off at a dark & gloomy time of year. 

#MicroblogMondays: Books, bargains and bots

This story began when I got my weekly Sunday email of ebook deals from my ereader/ebooks provider (which I'm not going to name here, this time around -- but I have named it often in the past. Hint:  it's NOT Amazon Kindle!).  

When I clicked over to look at the deals, I was hugely annoyed to see that many of the books listed were not, in fact, on sale. They were listed at full price. 

(Which is often ridiculous -- $15, $20 (Canadian) or more -- for an e-book??! I mean, I realize, writers don't get paid a lot of money, and there are editors and designers, etc., who also need to be paid -- but you're not paying for paper or printing costs -- and I'm sure the publisher is taking a nice chunk of profit for themselves too..!)  

Dh & I have both noticed this happening a couple of times lately.  We've also been annoyed that the deals being offered lately -- both weekly and daily (under $5) -- haven't been that plentiful (e.g., usually well over 100 or 200 books offered in all categories;  recently just 30 or 40 in bargain fiction!) -- or all that enticing/interesting to us. AND, all this past week, a good chunk of the books listed under daily deals in the non-fiction category were actually fiction books! WTF?  

I was annoyed enough on Sunday morning to start hunting for a way to voice my displeasure to the company. Of course, there was no email address. Just a chat box on the website, and accounts on all the usual social media channels. I decided to leave a comment on the most recent post on Facebook.  Here's what I said:  

Is there a reason why so many of the books in your "today only deals" email are listed at full price?? And why a whole lot of books in the "nonfiction books on sale "section are actually fiction books? 

Not too long afterward, I got a response:  

Hi! We are truly sorry that you are experiencing issue, please send us a direct message and we would be more than happy to try and troubleshoot any problems you may be having. Thanks!

Obviously a bot. But a response. 

Okay. I decided to bite. I sent them a DM (via Facebook Messenger) at around 3:10 PM, repeating my original comment and adding:  

This has happened more than once lately (re: the "today only deals"), and the fiction books have been in the nonfiction sale books all week.  Very annoying! 

Then I added links to the pages to show them what I was seeing, and mentioned that I was in Canada.   

Around 3:50 PM, this response:  

Hi! Thanks so much for getting in touch with us. If it’s not too much trouble, could you share the email address linked to your Kobo account and the last awesome book you purchased? We’re excited to help and will get back to you very soon!

(Well, the bot has certainly been trained to be polite & enthusiastic, at least??) 

I was busy and left it for the time being, intending to get back to them the next day. When I woke up this morning, I had this message, sent just before midnight the night before:  

Hi there!

Thank you for reaching out to...

We're delighted to hear from you. We wanted to check in and see if you require any additional assistance. If you do, please don't hesitate to reply to this message. We're always eager to lend a helping hand.

​For any inquiries, big or small, please feel free to visit us at... [help desk link -- another bot, I assume...!] We're here for you!

​Best regards...

I hesitated, but decided to respond, at around 10:15 AM. I gave them my email address and name of the last book I'd purchased, and added: 

My husband is also a Kobo customer and has noticed the same things.  Yesterday's so-called bargains are now expired, but this wasn't the first time we've noticed this, and I'm sure others have also seen the same things.  It's just irritating to open an email, expecting to see bargains and so many of the books are still full priced (and the non-fiction under $5 section is full of fiction!).  We just wanted to make our feelings known, in the hope this can be fixed going forward.  Thank you. 

Responded the bot: 

I'm sorry if you are experiencing this. I understand your frustration regarding this issue. Rest assured that I will help you with your concern. Please send us screenshot of the offers that you want to purchase so that we can review it in our end. We appreciate your cooperation and patience during this process.

Me (getting annoyed now...):  

The offers have now expired. And I wasn't interested in many of them anyway -- it's the principle of the thing. Thanks anyway. I just hope that in the future, an email listing "deals" really does contain all deals. 

Bot: 

I apologize for any inconvenience and frustration this may have caused you. In the future, please feel free to reach out to us immediately so we can make any necessary adjustments for you.

Below that was this message:  

Your exclusive one-time use promo code is: 75% off  (Promo code xxxx reserved for user)

​Promo codes are discounts that can be applied to specific books in the xxxx Store. Due to publisher restrictions and territorial limitations, promo codes cannot be applied to all books.

​To apply your promo code... [list of detailed instructions] 

Well, okay. It's nice to get offered some sort of compensation for my time and irritation, and 75% is nothing to sniff at. I spent some time this afternoon going through my wish list, selecting a few of the most expensive books on it and filtering to check whether they were eligible for the promo code. (Happily, most of them were.)  I narrowed down my choices, finally made my selection, went through the steps to purchase and apply the promo code... and this message popped up on the screen:  

This promo code has already been used the maximum number of times.

(Seriously?)  

The kicker:  while I was scrolling through my wish list to pick out which books might be candidates for my 75% discount, I noticed that one of the books listed as a "deal" yesterday -- at full price--  was now listed for $1.99!! (Yes, I bought it.)  

I suppose I could have gone back to chat/argue with the bot some more, but I feel like I've spent enough time on it. This is when you really wish for a human on the other end of the chat/email. I feel like it would have been a much faster and more satisfying process -- certainly for me. And I wonder if a human will ever see and consider what I had to say? 

(I'm hoping for better things from the Black Friday sales...!) 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

#MicroblogMondays: A few odds & ends

Some personal notes:  

• Saturday was our wedding anniversary: #39!!  
• Because it was Saturday, we knew that anywhere we went would be nuts (eyeroll), so we mostly stayed close to home. Got invited to BIL's for lunch (barbecued chicken burgers and hot dogs), and SIL gave me a bouquet of sunflowers and a lovely photo frame. :)  Little Great-Nephew was there too (Dad working, Mom at a pool party with her friends).  
• If we weren't heading west soon to visit my elderly parents, I would have been receptive to having dinner out at a restaurant (something we've rarely done since the pandemic began). Instead, we ordered takeout from a favourite restaurant, and went out for gelato later. (It was nuts there, as expected...!)  
• Hoping we can go somewhere nice to mark the milestone anniversary next year!   
• Little Great-Nephew had an ear infection and mild temperature all last week, and missed his first week of summer day camp as a result. :(  
• His mom took a few days off work to be with him, but had an appointment with her ob-gyn one day -- so dh & I met her & LGN at BIL & SIL's house (while BIL & SIL were at work) and stayed there with the little guy for a few hours while she went for her appointment.  
• Two days later, she needed to get back to work. BIL & SIL were both working, so dh & I met the two of them at her workplace at 8 a.m. (!), transferred the kiddie car seat to our car and took LGN to his grandparents' house. (He's comfortable there and has a ton of toys there to play with, so it's better than bringing him to our place!)  BIL got off work around noon (he's only working part-time at the moment), brought LGN a McDonalds Happy Meal for lunch and took over from that point.  
• It's been increasingly warmer and more humid this past few days -- again (and going to get warmer still over the next few days). Unfortunately, the "chiller" unit for our building -- which chills the air for air conditioning to the common areas and individual units -- hasn't been working properly.  As a result, our a/c unit has been periodically blowing cool but not cold air. As a further result, the temperature and humidity levels started creeping up -- peaking mid-afternoon yesterday at 25C+ (about 77-78F) and 67%, respectively. :p  (Our thermostat/a/c is set at 74F in the summer months.) Thankfully, they must have called in the HVAC techs, because it started blowing cold air again later in the afternoon.  It wasn't BAD, but it wasn't great either...!   
• My Kobo e-reader has not been syncing... AGAIN.  :p  Last time I successfully synced/downloaded a book was March 18th = almost 4 months ago. There are a few books I've bought recently that I wanted to download to have on hand for my trip west... so Friday night, I bit the bullet, signed out of my account on my e-reader and then back in again. This has worked in the past, and it worked again this time (whew!).  But it's such a pain in the a**, because it only downloads the last five books you've bought or most recently accessed -- and it wipes out all of your bookmarks, highlights, etc.  I had to re-download all the books I want to have on hand. And every time I go to sync again now, I hold my breath...! Sigh. 

A couple of  recent good reads: 

• From Clodagh Finn in the Irish Examiner: "Women without children face the brunt of bias." 
• From Salon:  "Grief is brutal, but there is value in it, experts say. So why do we try to "cure" it?" I've added this author's book to my wishlist! 
• I loved Soraya Chemaly's book "Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger" (reviewed here), and her new book "The Resilience Myth" is (also!) on my wishlist. Nora McInerny calls "resilience" "A Word I Hate" in her Substack "She Tried."  I haven't listened to the podcast or watched the YouTube video yet, but Nora is always great on these subjects.  :)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Odds & ends on THAT weekend...

• What are you all up to?  We're having a quiet weekend. (Not that most of our weekends aren't quiet...!)  Catching up on reading emails and books.  
• I'll be hanging out at the Childless Collective private online community tomorrow, where there are several Zoom events and an online (text) chat planned. :)  
• From the New York Times on MDay weekend: "An Ode to Those Who Mother Us." (Gift link.)  "Those who love and care for us are not always our parents. For Mother’s Day, The Times asked readers to tell us about the mother figures in their lives."  (Some of the examples cited, albeit not all of them, are childless.)  
• Marsha Lederman in The Globe & Mail had an opinion piece this weekend with a headline that gladdened my heart: "A Mother’s Day plea: Be mindful of those around you." (Gift link.) 
• It starts out very promisingly, citing many of the reasons why Mother's Day can be difficult for so many people. ("I hate to be a bummer, but we should be mindful that this is not a day of brunches and roses for all families.")  
• Then it shifts to the story of Anna Jarvis, who created Mother's Day -- and lived to regret it. 
• Alas, the ending undercuts the message, with a shoutout to the power of mothers. Sigh...
• Jennie Agg at Life, Almost, interviews Jenni Calcraft, a physiotherapist (based in Liverpool, England) who helps women in their physical recovery, postpartum, after pregnancy loss.  Check out the interview, and Jenni's website, the PABL Project. Hopefully this is something that will catch on more widely!  
•  I wish I'd seen this article in time to include in my last "odds & ends" roundup, since there were several (other) articles there that were critical of the fertility industry. This one is from The Atlantic: "America’s IVF Failure." (Gift link, available for 14 days from today.)  Subheader: "One out of every 50 babies born in the U.S. was conceived via IVF. Why is the industry so poorly regulated?" 
• (I don't think Canada is a whole lot better...! -- the legislation regulating the fertility industry is 20 years old -- the result of a royal commission on reproductive technologies created in 1989 (!!) -- and was already considered out of date when it was finally enacted in 2004.) 
• Annoying thing:  My (relatively new) Kobo e-reader has not been synching or downloading new books for almost two months now (AGAIN -- it's been doing this almost since I bought it last fall...!).  I haven't especially needed or wanted a book that's not already been downloaded for a while, but I will soon, and it's annoying. 
• Signing in & out of my account has worked as a fix in the past (and I've usually been able to sync regularly for a while afterwards)  -- but it's like setting up my e-reader all over again from scratch:  I can see all the titles I've purchased, and it keeps my collections intact -- but anything I've downloaded from outside sources gets wiped (I keep all those on my old reader);  all my bookmarks and highlights, etc., disappear;  and it only downloads the most recent 5 books I've purchased -- I have to re-download all the other titles I want to keep ready to go. (Right now, I have more than 600 downloaded.)  Sigh....  
• I created a new blog label/tag, "e-readers," so that I (if not you! lol) can find relevant posts faster! 
• (Very) annoying thing:  I just saw a TV ad for Ragu pasta sauce with the tagline "Cook like a Mother."  ARGGGHHH...  (Apparently it's been around for a few years now.)  
• I Googled "Ragu" and the tagline, and it looks like I'm not the only one who finds it offensive...! (for a variety of reasons that I never would have guessed...!).  
• Non-ALI related:  I've enjoyed reading several of Nick Hornby's novels (and the movies adapted from them), and recently learned he has a Substack newsletter (who doesn't these days??). In a recent post,  he wrote about a new television adaptation of Tom Wolfe's 1998 novel "A Man in Full." (Disclaimer:  I have neither read the book nor seen the TV show.) The show is set in present day, but Hornby points out that Charlie is still very much a man of the time when he was created, and the times he would have lived through to that point:      

He belongs exactly where and when we first met him, at the end of the 1990s. If you start to fiddle around with him so that he at least pretends to understand what’s going on now, he falls apart. The novel was written to reflect that kind of ‘90s man; that was Wolfe’s schtick, the journalistic eye. Wall Street. Property. No women in any boardroom. Swinging dicks. There are assholes running big business now, of course, but it’s a different kind of asshole, one that reflects the times they have lived through.

Moreover, Hornby explains (and I love, love, loved this paragraph -- maybe because he's not that much older than I am....! -- and because he offers some sound advice to writers and others, along with a plug for the importance of considering history):  

No character can exist outside of history; history is a part of what makes us who we are. Working out what has happened during a character’s lifetime is an important step on the way to that character becoming real. Young writers attempting to imagine someone of my age, 67, often tend to attribute a cliched version of ‘elderliness’ to them: retired, walking the dog, doing the crossword, voting for Trump and Brexit, shouting at the television. Well, kid: I was nineteen when the Sex Pistols released their first single, and twenty-five when I heard hip-hop - ‘The Message’ by Grandmaster Flash - for the first time. (And I voted Remain twice, in 1975 and 2016.) Haight-Asbury was pop-culture history to me, something I learned about from my elders. The drugs were mostly the same, although you couldn’t order them from your phone. People had a lot of pre-marital sex. I’m not saying that I’m not ageing. I’m just saying that it’s happening differently for my generation. No pipes, not so many slippers. (Lots of dogs, and probably even more shouting at the TV.) We’re living longer, and we are fitter. Old age doesn’t have a permanent character.

"My Effin' Life" by Geddy Lee

I was never an especially huge fan of the band Rush. I never saw them in concert, never owned one of their albums. My musical tastes ran/run more to straight-up rock & roll and the New Wave sounds of my youth than prog-rock.  

But I didn't DISlike them either. Growing up Canadian in the 1970s and 80s, it was impossible to ignore them. Their music was all over the airwaves, and lead singer Geddy Lee's distinctive nasal, high-pitched yelp of a voice was immediately identifiable. ("How did the band decide that HE should be the lead singer?? Did he have the best voice??"  dh has often laughed.)  

So many of their songs are instantly recognizable to me (even if I don't always know the exact title!). I remember one of their early hits, "In the Mood,"  being played at my junior high sock hops, and I did like that song, as well as "Closer to the Heart."  "Tom Sawyer" is, of course, a drumming tour de force by the late, great Neil Peart (who tragically lost both his young adult daughter in a car accident in 1997, and then his wife/her mother to cancer, less than a year later, right around the same time I was dealing with the loss of my own daughter).

One of my very favourite Rush songs is "Lakeside Park," which Peart wrote about a lakeside park in his hometown of St. Catharines. I especially love the song's wistful second half (which kicks in around the 2:25 mark) -- the lyrics always remind me of trips to the beach (in my case, Delta Beach, Lake Manitoba) with my high school friends:  

Everyone would gather on the 24th of May*

Sitting in the sand to watch the fireworks display

Dancing fires on the beach, singing songs together

Though it's just a memory, some memories last forever

*"24th of May" = the traditional date for our Victoria Day holiday, which apparently is only celebrated in Canada. These days, it's celebrated on the third Monday of May, to give us all a long weekend.  

As I said, I never owned a Rush album -- but I DID have the album containing Geddy Lee's highest-charting song ever (with or without Rush) -- "Take Off" from the iconic 1981 Canadian comedy album "Great White North" by Bob & Doug McKenzie (aka  Rick Moranis -- Lee's elementary school classmate! -- and Dave Thomas, from SCTV. ("Ten bucks is ten bucks," lol.)(You had to be there...!)

(Lee also went to junior high school with future NHL hockey player Steve Shutt who, he says, "saved my kosher bacon" from bullies  -- and introduced him to a guy named Aleksandar Živojinović -- better known these days as Alex Lifeson. Another friend from high school:  Oscar Peterson Jr., son of the famous pianist, who served as best man at Lee's wedding.)

So -- long story short -- I've developed a certain affection for these guys over the years -- and when I heard that Lee was writing a memoir, I was interested in reading it. Titled "My Effin' Life" (lol), it was written with the help of Daniel Richler (journalist and stepson of famous Canadian novelist Mordecai Richler) and released last fall. 

Lee, now a 70-year-old grandfather (!), was born Gershon Eliezer Weinrib, named for HIS grandfather, who died in the Holocaust. His Anglicized name was Gary, but his mother's Yiddish accent made it sound like "Geddy" -- a friend overheard her, and the nickname stuck.  

Both of Lee's parents were Polish Jews and Holocaust survivors, who met in Auschwitz (!), reunited after the war, married (in what had been the officers' mess hall at Bergen-Belsen) and came to Canada in 1948.  There's a long chapter detailing their harrowing wartime experiences, as well as the trip that Lee, his mother Mary (Manya) and his siblings took, years later, to Auschwitz and other places in Poland connected to their family. He calls himself a proud cultural Jew, although an atheist in terms of religious beliefs.  

The sudden death of his father Morris (Moishe) in 1965, when Lee was just 12, was a turning point in his life. His mother went to work to keep the family business afloat (a variety store in Newmarket, north of Toronto), leaving Lee at loose ends as he entered his teen years. Music became his refuge. He grew his hair long, dropped out of high school, started Rush with a couple of school friends, including Alex Lifeson, and hooked up with a non-Jewish girlfriend, Nancy Young (whose brother Lindy was in an early incarnation of the band, and who later became a fashion designer and Yorkville boutique owner).  They've been married since 1976 (albeit the relationship has not been without its ups and downs, which Lee details in the book).   

I expected to like this book. I wound up absolutely loving it.  I'm not sure how much of the writing is actually Lee and how much Richler, but oh, the stories!!  And they're accompanied by a generous selection of priceless photos (both candid and professional) and images. Lee has a wonderfully wry voice and self-deprecating (very Canadian!) sense of humour, and I literally found myself laughing out loud -- frequently. I read much of the book with a smile on my face. 

Which is not to say it was all laughs. The Holocaust chapter, the multiple tragedies that befell Neil Peart, the deaths of one dear friend/family member after another, especially in later years -- and, finally, the end of the band itself -- were difficult to read about. There's a sense of grief and loss that pervades those last few chapters -- but also the reflection, perspective and gratitude that comes with time.

I have a couple of small quibbles/caveats. First, the footnotes in my Kobo e-copy were marked by asterisks -- you clicked on the asterisk (touched it on the e-reader screen) and the footnote would pop up. But you had to hit the asterisk with your finger EXACTLY right. (And there were a LOT of asterisks -- 137!! -- and they were all worth reading, once you could get them to open up...!) 

Second, Rush apparently has developed a personal language of expressions, terminology and nicknames, used by Lee throughout the book. For example, Lee, Lifeson and Peart call each other Dirk, Lerxst and Pratt (??!). There are other nicknames for others in their circle, and it was hard to remember sometimes who was who (and what their real names were!).

And while I loved all the photos that were included, I wish the images had been larger.

Also -- I'm not sure what American readers will make of all the Canadian/Toronto references (musicians and band names such as Murray McLauchlan, Downchild Blues Band and Max Webster, as well as geographic and cultural references -- e.g., CanCon rules, or Rochdale College, anyone??). Personally (even though I never set foot in Toronto until 1983), I lapped them up.  As a Canadian, it's (still!) not often we get to see ourselves reflected in a popular culture that's so heavily dominated by the U.S.! 

But as I said, small quibbles.  Overall, this is an effin' great read.  :)  

4.5 stars, enthusiastically rounded up to 5. (Current average rating of 4.64 stars on Goodreads, based on 560 reviews to date.)  

This was Book #7 read to date in 2024 (and Book #1 finished in March), bringing me to 16% of my 2024 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 1 book behind schedule to meet my goal. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2024 tagged as "2024 books." 

Long weekend odds & ends

• It's the Family Day long weekend here in Ontario (and a couple of other Canadian provinces).  This holiday always sneaks up on me -- I knew there was a long weekend coming up (although long weekends don't mean quite the same thing when you're retired...!) -- but it hadn't really sunk in that it was THAT long weekend until I looked at my email on Friday afternoon and saw a promotional message from a friend's small business:  "Happy Family Day Weekend!"  Ugh. (So far, not TOO much hype. But it's only Saturday...!)  
• Past rants (ummm, posts) on this subject here. 
• Speaking of family:  the son of one of dh's cousins -- six months older than Katie would have been -- is engaged. His mom announced it via our cousins' WhatsApp group this weekend, along with a photo of the happy couple, showing off the ring. Everyone is excited -- "too long since we've had a family wedding!"
• I'm happy for them. He's a very nice young man, and she seems like a nice girl.  But I couldn't help but think about my own little girl, who would be 25 (!) now -- older than I was when I got married, at 24 (!!) -- who will never grow up. let alone become a bride. :(  
• Also speaking of family (and on a lighter note) -- BIL called yesterday to tell us that Little Great-Nephew's teacher asked each student to tell the class who they would most like to have dinner with. All the kids were naming celebrities, athletes, etc.  -- but LGN said, "All the people in my heart" (!) -- and then named off everyone in his extended family! -- including me & dh!!  Needless to say, we were both absolutely tickled when we heard this (and yes, I got kind of teary too!).  
• Something else that gave me a chuckle:  I got an email from Kobo.ca on Friday night, promoting their long weekend bargain books. Scrolling through the selections, I started laughing when I found the title "Mayo Clinic Guide to Fertility and Conception" -- in the Science Fiction & Fantasy section!  lol  
• I'm not sure if this article is behind a subscriber paywall, but it's an interesting read:  "My partner and I want to have a baby, but we can't afford it without leaving Toronto. Is that our fault — or part of a much bigger problem?"  (Subhead:  "You always hear "there's never a perfect time to have kids," but that minimizes major structural inequalities that affect a huge amount of Canadians.") 
• I feel for this couple (and I get pissed off by politicians whose main solution to reversing declining birth rates seems to be going after abortion and birth control). The expense of having a baby, and the lack of support (no mother or mother-in-law nearby to help me, expensive and limited daycare options, etc.) were certainly among the reasons why we procrastinated on trying to conceive until I was in my mid-30s. (And our rent ranged from $650 a month in 1985, when we moved in, to $975  by the time we bought our house in 1990 and moved out. This was for a small one-bedroom apartment in a charming renovated brownstone building in a  tony midtown neighbourhood near the subway that, when we first moved in, did not allow children. I'm sure that would seem incredibly cheap to renters today, but it was pretty expensive at the time...!)     
• You MUST read Jody Day's post on her Childless Elderwomen Substack about childless daughters, caregiving and pronatalism ("It's not like she's got anything else to do, is it?")  She absolutely nails it. I'm so grateful she is doing this work and calling some much-needed attention to these issues! 
• This opinion piece in the Guardian generated quite a bit of discussion in one of the online childless communities I frequent:  "Facebook’s endless back-to-school photos spark complex feelings for childfree people like me – but sadness isn’t one of them."  I'd be curious to know what you think of it!  
• Personally, I found the writer's tone and wording minimized (perhaps even dismissed?) the very real pain that many childless women feel -- and I worry that readers who have not shared this experience might not understand that she does NOT speak for all of us. (Some of us would LOVE to have friends like hers...!)  
• Quote:  "In the patriarchal, restricted and desperately sexist world that came before, one can imagine that a woman without children may have been a object of concerned pity..."  Well, we certainly have more opportunities and other fulfilling experiences these days -- but that doesn't mean that the world isn't still full of patriarchy & sexism, or that childless women aren't still objects of pity in some quarters...
• I also chafe at the idea -- which I've seen a fair bit of recently in various books & articles -- that suggests the childless/free should "[embrace] active roles... in the broad community of family and friends that actually helps people with kids raise their children."  Yes, it's an option -- but it shouldn't feel like an obligation, just because we don't have children of our own to occupy our time & energy.  Some of us are happy to help out, some of us would rather not, some of us don't have any family or friends with young children nearby, and some of us would like to help but (inexplicably) meet resistance from some parents. It's not always that simple.
• I questioned why a writer/publication would be highlighting back to school photos in the middle of February??  An Australian in the group explained to me that the writer was an Aussie, and the school year there runs from late January/early February through November/December. Oops. I apologized for my northern hemisphere-centricity.  ;) 
• Also from the Guardian:  Bravo to Carla Dejonghe, a Belgian woman who has persuaded her local municipal council to confront a highly common blind spot, and consider the impact of its policies on single people (including many childless women).  36% of households in Belgium are currently made up of single adults. That number has grown by 30% in just over a decade, and it's likely to keep getting larger in the future. A couple of excerpts (boldfaced emphasis is mine):  

The text of the charter stresses the aim of ensuring that single-income households are treated on an equal footing with others, adding: “It is our interest as policymakers to no longer think from the perspective of the traditional family as the norm, but to strive for measures that are neutral to living arrangements.”

It includes measures that range from encouraging new housing projects to feature communal spaces for more social interaction, to tweaking municipal invitations to specify that guests can bring a “plus one” instead of only a partner...

The charter also commits to championing single-friendly practices within the local hospitality industry, such as communal tables and a wider selection of quality wines by the glass. Workplaces will also be encouraged to reconsider the common practice of relying on people who live alone any time overtime is required.

“These are just simple things,” said Dejonghe. “They don’t cost much money but they’re very logical.”

...Dejonghe, who is also a member of Belgium’s parliament, said she had yet to receive any negative reactions, chalking it up to the care she had taken to emphasise that the charter was in no way aimed at diminishing the importance of traditional families.

“It’s about equality,” she said. “Everyone has to be aware of two things: if it’s good for a person living alone, it will be good for everybody. And second, whether you want to or not, at some point in your life you will be all alone.”

She described the charter as a first step towards tackling this reality. “Our society has evolved but our policies haven’t kept up,” she said. “These are small steps but we have to start somewhere.”

• Annnnndddd just as I was set to hit "publish" on this post, a message popped into my inbox. From Parents Neighbours Daughter. A photo of the Littlest Princess (all smiles, as usual). Wearing the handknit sweater set that another neighbour (M., long dead now) had made for my Katie, 25+ years ago. (Full story here.)  "It fits!" she wrote. 
• I brushed away tears as I messaged her back: "M. would have loved that!"  
• Is this frickin' weekend over yet?  

#Microblog Mondays: Odds & ends & lots of links!

(Another #MM post that's not so micro... but it's what I've got!)  

I haven't posted as much here lately as I often do. I can chalk it up, in part, to the usual mid-winter/February malaise. Aside from a few (too few) glorious days of sunshine & clear blue skies, it's been grey and blah outside lately.  And there just hasn't been a lot going on to write about. I've hardly been out of the house. (Planning a trip to the mall this week to remedy that!)  

I've also been feeling slightly overwhelmed by the volume of stuff coming at me every day. Nothing particularly important or heavy or consequential -- just trying to keep up with all the things I want and need and like to do -- and read. 

I've always been a voracious reader and consumer -- of books, of magazines, of newspapers -- of media generally, from the time I learned to read. Even when I was a kid, my parents and grandparents always got (and read) at least one newspaper daily (the one from the nearest city), sometimes two, when there was a daily local paper (and if there wasn't a daily, there was a weekly) -- plus, we tuned in to the news on TV at lunchtime, suppertime and later in the evening too (in the days before 24-hour news channels existed).  And every morning when I arrived at journalism school, there were stacks of of the local London Free Press and Globe & Mail waiting in our classroom/newsroom for us to read -- with regular news quizzes to ensure we were keeping up with current events. I've kept the habit of reading multiple daily newspapers (along with other reading material, of course) all through my adult life. 

These days, the news tends to come in a digital format. Just getting through my email inbox -- full of newsletters from various newspapers, magazines, Substacks, etc. -- takes forever some days. (I look forward to weekends, when the volume diminishes considerably.)  Plus there are blogs to read and comment on (something I haven't been very good at doing lately...!), social media accounts, message boards and other sites I follow regularly. I've slacked off considerably on keeping up with my Facebook & Instagram accounts -- which I suppose is not a bad thing in some ways (lol) -- but also leaves me with mild cases of both guilt and FOMO.  

Additionally, I've been checking my Ancestry account every morning to see what new DNA cousins have shown up overnight for me, my mom & dh. Checking the daily e-book bargains on Kobo. Juggling reading for the several book clubs & readalongs I belong to, plus squeezing in a few books from my own towering to-read piles now & then. Plus the usual household stuff, etc. 

On the other hand, all this reading lately means I have some really GREAT stuff to share with all of you here!  :)  

• Jody Day has been on an absolute roll lately with her Childless Elderwomen Substack.  SO MUCH insight and wisdom!  Check out her latest post -- "Shouldn't you be over that at your age?" -- and then peruse the archives for more.  
• Jody also recently shared this thoughtful essay by Kristen Gentry: "Childless." 
• "I will be, they would have been, it will be:"  Katie Hawkins-Gaar at "My Sweet Dumb Brain" (Substack) examines "the ever-changing calculations of grief math."
• A fascinating (excellent!) article from ProPublica about how Australia has reduced the number of stillbirths there, and what America (and Canada!) could learn from their example.   
• Canadian Affairs recently published an article about Canadians' access to IVF treatment -- or lack thereof -- followed by an editorial arguing "Why IVF treatment should be publicly funded."  (You will likely need to register for access.) 
• Pamela recently posted a new article in Medium calling (once again) for greater accountability from the fertility industry. (It may be behind a paywall?) 
• Yael Wolfe, who is CNBC, had a great post in Medium:  "To All the Women in Their 40s Who Are Saying Goodbye to Their Fertility."  (Subhead:  "This is one of the most sacred journeys we’ll ever take — and the world barely acknowledges it.")  
• Unfortunately, it's (also) behind a members-only paywall. (I got a membership a while back specifically so I could read her stuff!)  And the only way I can access a gift link is by upgrading my membership -- I mean, seriously??)  But it's worth a read, if you can access it somehow.  
• Sample passage (boldfacing & italics hers):  

I suspect no one had the fertility journey that they thought they would have. There are surprise pregnancies. There are unimaginable losses. Life has no greater talent than that of disrupting our expectations.

In all of these circumstances, it is the women who are “childless by circumstance” that I think of the most. The women like me. There is such pain for those of us who wanted to become mothers yet did not. And there is no recognition of this type of loss in our culture.

We understand and honor the grief of miscarriages, stillborns, and other losses associated with our fertility. But we don’t have a social protocol to help us support a woman who is childless by circumstance. In fact, we don’t even have a cultural understanding of the very important difference between a woman who is childless and one who is childfree — our culture assumes any woman without children got there by choice.

We’re strangely unable to understand that many women struggle with the emotional and physical toll of infertility — that they perhaps wanted a child of their own very badly but could not have one. And apparently, at least so far as I can see, it’s incomprehensible that a fertile woman could end up without a child unless she chose that path.

Western imagination understands the fickle hand of fate when it comes to miscarriages and surprise pregnancies — but not when it comes to a woman who had a plan…a plan that just didn’t work out.

Those who don’t have children aren’t without stories — and equally complex stories, at that. If you have a uterus, you have stories. And someday, when the storyline of our fertility comes to an end, we feel drawn to open those worn pages again, flip through the familiar words and images, and maybe even share them with those around us.

• This article from the Atlantic by a woman who has had three miscarriages and one full-term loss is gorgeous:  "I Don’t Know If I Can Call Myself a Mom."  (Subhead:  "I’ve had three miscarriages, seven reproductive surgeries, and one infant loss. I still don’t have a child.") Caveat: She & her husband are still trying to conceive. (Gift link.)  Sample passage: 

How do you confirm parenthood without proof? Without spit-up on your clothes, a diaper bag slung over your shoulder, or commiseration with fellow mothers?

But I did mother Lucy. Every decision I made for her—from the positive test to her last breath—was mothering. Not drinking booze or eating raw fish during my pregnancy was mothering. Reading parenting books and touring day cares was mothering. Practicing prenatal yoga and labor positions was mothering. Stroking her face while I held her languid body had to have been mothering.

• In her Substack "The Antidote," Helen Davenport-Hall once again nails it with "'breathe yourself fertile': aka my latest bullshit, unethical find" (about the rhetoric and ethics of the "fertility wellness and spiritual world").  Sample passage [italics and boldface the author's]: 

The ethics of fertility wellness and spirituality matters to me. You matter, we matter and we deserve ethical sensitivity, criticality and someone to redress the balance. We deserve far far better than being told we’re not breathing properly either and so of course we aren’t fertile.





There is a particular feeling of futility and self blame that we can be left with alongside our negative pregnancy tests. And it’s never as loud as when we’ve bought into the suggestions, claims and promises that THIS is the thing that will get that positive test - paid for it, tried it and come away empty handed.



You didn’t do it wrong.





• I had mixed feelings about this article from the Guardian (so, caveat emptor...):  "‘At 45, I grieved the idea of motherhood. Then, by pure fluke, I was pregnant’." To her credit, the author -- who endured multiple miscarriages and two failed rounds of IVF -- is honest about the mixed feelings & emotions. (And the writing is beautiful.)  A couple of sample passages:  

In many ways it has been a strange tributary in the conversation most women have throughout their lives: why you don’t have children, why you do. Fertility is a part of a woman’s life that exists beyond herself, that is forever subject to public speculation and interrogation. “Questions,” as Rebecca Solnit put it, “that push you into the herd or nip at you for diverging from it.”

It has been stranger still to cross from one side to the other, as if handed, like a baton, between the divergent and the herd. At this stage in my life, I do not seem to fit entirely in either; I have missed the mothering years of my peers, and now I have absconded from my child-free fellowship.

and

I am wary of the false hope this kind of fertility story might give: woman gives up trying to have a baby, then duly falls pregnant – as if the very act of wanting something is the very thing that might prevent it. I do not want this to seem like a cautionary tale of female desire. Nor was there any great trick – I cannot attribute my pregnancy to a particular vitamin supplement, acupuncturist, health regime. I have no advice. It was luck, pure fluke.

It was also not without complexity. I was of course elated to be pregnant, but I had spent a good two years grieving the idea of motherhood and imagining a different kind of life for myself. Now I was doubling back, revisiting the hopes of my younger self.

• Not ALI-related (at least, not obviously so...), but...:  I don't know if those of you outside of Canada know who Brittlestar is:  his real name is Stewart Reynolds, and he's a comedian, corporate spokesperson and wry social media commentator/content creator, among other things. He also has a Substack (who doesn't these days, right?), and I thought he made a great point recently, explaining "Here's why some people have gone crazy." 
• (Personally, I think politics and world events have always had an impact on us all -- it's just that most people don't pay attention or make the connection until it becomes blatantly obvious and too difficult to ignore, as it did during the pandemic -- just as most people will offer up "thoughts and prayers" when a tragedy happens, secure in the knowledge that such a thing would never happen to THEM...)(until it inevitably does, of course...!).   
• If you've been a reader here for a while, you'll know of my longstanding admiration for the Maynard women -- mother Fredelle, and her daughters Rona and Joyce -- all successful writers. I've followed both Rona & Joyce on social media for years, and Rona is now expanding on her wonderful Facebook posts in a Substack called "Amazement Seeker." You MUST read today's post -- "Voice Lesson from a Literary Warrior" -- if only for that opening paragraph, which left me slack-jawed with envy (oh, to be a fly on the wall of THAT gathering...!).  But I'm betting you'll stick around for the whole thing. ;)  How about this paragraph, which will speak to bloggers everywhere?  

Not every revolution strikes at a foe. For a woman who writes, the first barricade is within. To claim what you know, and tell it in your own voice, is a revolutionary act that not only remaps your emotional world but clears a path for others... If my joys, sorrows and amusements mattered, then so did my reader’s.

• The CBC had a story this weekend about the declining number of cousins that children today are growing up with, and the important role they can play in families. 
• This is certainly something I've noticed in my own experience, and in dh's family too. My mom had just one brother and he had just two kids (my first cousins) -- but on my dad's side of the family, I have something like 35?? first cousins & half-cousins. Dh has a similar amount from his mom & dad's families combined. But our nephews have just one (living) cousin (their mom's brother's daughter).  Little Great-Nephew has just one first cousin -- Little Great-Niece -- and it's likely to stay that way.  Little Great-Niece has two other cousins on her mom's side of her family.  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

#MicroblogMondays: Pre-holiday odds & ends

• 
• It's a William Tell Overture kind of day/week/month around here...! (The link goes to a past post where I explain what I mean!) 
• The Childless Collective Virtual Summit is over for another year. It was a busy week (see above, lol), so I wasn't able to watch as much of it on the day-of as I would have liked -- although what I did see was pretty great!  Thank goodness for the Pace Yourself Pass! (which will let me watch the segments I missed on my own timetable for the next 365 days).   
• I think Katy (Seppi, who organized the event) said there were something like 3,000 people registered this year, and 500 who joined the pop-up group on Mighty Networks.  As someone who's been around online childless communities for 20+ years now (!), those numbers are MINDBLOWING. 
• Among the stuff keeping us busy last week (besides the summit):  setting up & decorating the Christmas tree, doing my Christmas cards, Christmas shopping at two different malls plus other stores, haircuts and a cemetery visit back in our old community, and the usual laundry, housecleaning, etc.  
• Also this:  A week ago Saturday (Dec. 2nd), BIL called to ask if we wanted to go with him & SIL that afternoon to see one of his & dh's cousins, who recently got the all-clear after almost a year of dealing with cancer surgery and treatment. We said yes. The cousin's adult daughter, who teaches kindergarten and lives with her parents, was there, and the cousin's brother (who was our neighbour in our old community) also came over. We all had a really nice visit, laughing and talking and eating for several hours, and celebrating her clean bill of health, as well as BIL's successful liver transplant last summer. 
• You can probably guess where this is going.  Wednesday, this cousin texted us:  her teacher daughter had just tested positive for covid.  :(   (It's running rampant through her school right now.)  
• Almost immediately, I started feeling a tickle in my throat. I woke up the next morning and it was still there. I was also horribly fatigued all day. :(  
• There were logical explanations:  it's been very dry in our condo unit (even though we have the humidifier running constantly) -- plus I woke up around 3 a.m. that morning and couldn't go back to sleep, so I wound up getting up around 5 (!). (So yeah, I was tired...!) 
• Nevertheless, I worked myself into a panic. WHY had we taken a risk and exposed ourselves, so close to our departure to see my parents for Christmas??  I debated whether to test, and decided I'd gargle with saltwater, pop a few ibuprofen, rub on some Saje Immune essential oil blend (including eucalyptus, tea tree oil and cinnamon) and see how I felt the next day. (And started checking out alternate flight availability up to Christmas Eve, just in case we had to postpone out travel plans...!) 
• The next day I woke up feeling a whole lot better. (A better night's sleep definitely helped.)  And I've felt fine since then. No further potential symptoms. THANK GOODNESS.   
• BIL & SIL tested negative, and the cousin & her husband are fine too. 
• I texted her last night to see how they were doing, and she said there were 7 kids absent from her daughter's class last week, and enough teachers at her school out sick that they had to hold their planned professional development day last Friday over Zoom, instead of in person. 
• (ETA:  See comments for a further update!) 
• Older Nephew posted a photo from Little Great-Nephew's classroom on Instagram last week:  the teachers made a construction paper tree with a leaf for each student, and they printed something about each child on it. For LGN:  "[LGN] likes to share and is always kind."  Older Nephew said he got all choked up when he saw that. Dh & I did too!  :)  
• (It should be noted that LGN is not always enthusiastic to share -- especially when it comes to his baby cousin, lol.  But he is generally a kind-hearted little guy, just like his dad & uncle!)  
• My L.M. Montgomery Readathon Facebook group just announced our next book, which we'll begin discussing together, chapter by chapter, on Jan. 15th: "Anne's House of Dreams." This is one that's a big favourite among our group -- and I know it's near & dear to many loss mothers' hearts, including mine. (Nevertheless, I will NOT be volunteering to do a video reading of Chapter 19...!)
• (But -- do I have time before then to squeeze in the previous book, in the series, "Anne of Windy Poplars"?? -- known as "Anne of Windy Willows" in the UK. I do like to keep to chronological story order, where possible...!) 
• My brand-new Kobo e-reader (purchased in late October) recently stopped syncing and downloading new books -- AGAIN.  I decided to try signing out of my account & then signing back in again, and once again, it worked like a charm.  :)  The drawback being that I had to reinput the wifi password and re-download books all over again. And all my bookmarks were gone too. (If I'd had any non-Kobo-purchased books on there, those would have been deleted too.)  But! -- I can download books to read again!  
• Myles Goodwyn, the lead singer of the classic Canadian rock band April Wine, died in Halifax on Dec. 3.   He was 75.  April Wine was one of the few big CanRock bands of my youth that I never did see in concert, but their music -- his distinctive voice -- was part of the soundtrack of my growing-up years. (I can always pick out an April Wine song instantly.)  
• It's impossible to pick a favourite April Wine song, but (as I wrote in a review of his memoir on this blog, a few years ago), " "Bad Side of the Moon" (written by Elton John & Bernie Taupin) was played endlessly at the (ice) skating rink when I was about 13; hearing "You Won't Dance With Me" takes me back to junior high dances, where I watched the boy(s) I had crushes on slow-dancing with someone else. (Oh, the angst!!)"  (More great song links in the blog post I linked to.)
• The last thing he posted on his Facebook page, on Nov. 16th, was a song: "Will the Last Voice I Hear Be an Angel?"  CHILLS. 
• From The Guardian: "‘I fret about the years that lie ahead’: the unique caring burden of single childless daughters." (Subhead:  "A ‘highly naturalised’ assumption within many families about who will care for ageing parents can be a vexed issue for the daughters left carrying the load.")  So glad to see articles like this that reflect the reality of so many aging childless women (and dispel some of the myths too!). 
• A thoughtful story from the New York Times ("Why Anonymous Sperm Donation Is Over, and Why That Matters") explores the implications -- pro & con -- of ending secrecy for sperm and egg donors.  
• Bruce Grierson nails the allure -- and problems -- with Substack newsletters in this (gift-linked) opinion piece from the Globe & Mail. (Ummm... *cough*)  (I have 6 paid Substack subscriptions, but many more freebies...)  
• Speaking of Substacks (lol), I loved this wonderful essay about infertility from Helen Davenport-Peace. Worth a read! 
• And I could really relate to this piece from Jennie Agg:  "What a performance: On other people's pregnancies and the roles we're required to play." 
• I loved this opinion piece by Brad Stulberg from the New York Times: "Not Everything Has to Be Meaningful."  Sample quote: 

“Why does what you are experiencing right now need to have some greater purpose?” she asked me. “Not everything has to be meaningful and you don’t have to grow from it. Why can’t it just suck, at least for the time being?” 

 

• Not ALI-related, but also Substack-related, and totally relatable (to me, anyway): I've been reading "The Direction of Motion" by Kathy Valentine of the Go-Gos, who is packing up her life in preparation for a move to England, where her mother was from.  (Her memoir, which I read & reviewed a few years back, is also a great read!) This passage from her latest post really resonated:  
  

This is maybe the hardest thing of aging. They’d have you think it’s all about your appearance and physicality changing, your health changing. We know about supplements and wellness and the likelihood of meds for ailing systems, and if I choose, I can get my neck or eyes or jowls lifted. But the real thing is time. The acute, stinging awareness of time as a finite resource, pulsing alongside my heartbeat, underneath every impulse and thought. There’s nothing to fix there, and damn it makes me ruthless and harsh about protecting my mystery allotment of time while becoming simutaneously more gentle and tolerant of everything else, even people. Even me sometimes.

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Odds & ends & annoying things

• Annoying thing #1:  How the heck is it almost the end of November?? I need to get cracking with my Christmas shopping....
• I did order T-shirts for my sister & me from an Etsy dealer in the U.S., both bearing the motto "I'm with the banned"  (as in books, lol).  :)  
• My sister has been off work all week with covid (as I wrote here).  Last I heard from her (yesterday, via email), she still wasn't feeling great and was sleeping a lot.  :(  
• A few weeks ago, we had dinner at dh's cousin's house (along with BIL & SIL), and (as I wrote here) our hostess made (among other yummy things) a really tasty salad/veggie dish that I haven't been able to get out of my head since. I finally texted her and asked for the recipe, and she was happy to share -- and I'm happy to share it here with you too.  :)  
• I made the double recipe (14 cups) on Tuesday. It was a LOT -- we've had it for lunch &/or a side dish at dinner every day since then -- but it keeps 3-4 days in the refrigerator, and it's been a welcome change from endless peanut butter on toast and yogurt, lol -- we finished it off at lunchtime today. It got a little soggy towards the end, but it's soooo good. :)  Our hostess and I both used sweet potato instead of butternut squash, plus optional kale for some greenery (spinach leaves would probably be good too), and I used white wine vinegar instead of apple cider vinegar for the dressing.  I will definitely make it again! 
• Annoying thing #2: The PBS/BBC TV adaptation of Winston Graham's "Poldark" novels, a few years back, piqued interest in the original books, and I started following an online forum devoted to them. The conversation there mostly petered out once the TV series ended -- but back in early September, I started getting notifications of new posts on a thread titled "Demelza," dormant since 2018.  Three guys there have been arguing over the character of Demelza (Ross Poldark's wife), her affair with Hugh Armitage, whether he ever truly loved her, and whether she ever truly loved Ross.  
• Two women, early on, intervened to make comments in defense of Demelza. They were mostly ignored and haven't ventured back into the conversation. I don't blame them...! I've mostly been just rolling my eyes and ignoring the posts -- but seriously, I'm kind of agog that these three guys have been arguing about this (on & off, with a pause for a couple of weeks), for almost THREE MONTHS NOW...!  The power of literature, I guess??  (But also the power of a bunch of a guys with an opinion, who think they know a woman's heart & mind...!)  
• Annoying thing #3:  My brand-new Kobo e-reader (a Clara 2E) -- which I bought barely a month ago, to replace my 8-year-old Aura H20, which was not downloading books or syncing properly -- was doing exactly the same thing as the old one, earlier this week. I was frustrated beyond belief...!  
• I found a link on the Kobo help site to Facebook Messenger, so I messaged them there. They recommended I do an "account repair." I had it in repair mode for 16 HOURS, overnight (had to plug it in to recharge because the battery was running so low). I finally messaged them and asked "How long is this going to take??"  I mean, I have a lot of books on there, but this was ridiculous...!  
• They recommended I cancel the repair (and told me a reset procedure so that I wouldn't lose any data), and then try again, preferably using a different wifi. (Yeah, like I just have another wifi system in my back pocket??)  I did the cancel/reset procedure, and then I decided to try signing out of my account and back in again, which is something else suggested on the help site. 
• It was like I was setting up my reader all over again! -- I had to reconnect to our wifi and reinput the wifi password and then my Kobo account password -- and it started repopulating all my books again. And then it downloaded the last 5 most recent books I'd bought!  (It took about a half an hour.)  I had to re-download all the other books I'd downloaded to read, too. 
• BUT -- THEY DOWNLOADED!!!  And the ones I'd been reading still opened up at the page(s) where I'd left off. Working like a charm since then, thank goodness! (and fingers crossed!)  
• Henri, a fellow CNBCer from one of the online childless communities I frequent, has started a Substack newsletter. Her latest entry is a thoughtful post on that phrase we all love to hate ("as a mother...").  Go read, like and maybe subscribe! (I've added her to my blogroll here!) 
• In her Substack (Life, Almost), Jennie Agg (mother of one, plus five miscarriages) decides she's "done" (maybe...), and muses on "the myth of maternal desire" in "Maybe I don’t want another baby ‘enough’."  No matter when you decided YOU were "done" or how many living children and/or losses you had (including zero), you will likely find something to relate to in her words. Sample passage:  

...I can’t help feeling that if I really am done, it will mean something about how much I wanted this in the first place. Given that I have the option of keeping going – which I’m aware not everybody who wants a child does – why wouldn’t I?

But there’s an unreasonable expectation masquerading in that question. Because what would, in fact, count as ‘enough’? How could you possibly quantify such a thing?

How much physical trauma is enough? How much money do I need to spend on unevidenced private treatments? Do I have to have considered surrogacy, adoption? Do I need to show receipts from yet another expensive therapist?  

• In the post mentioned above, Agg links to another piece by Farrah Storr, a childless journalist who writes at Things Worth Knowing:  "How NOT to have children:  A guide from the other side..."  Unlike her, I haven't experienced a "startling" number of friendships with mothers in their 50s with grown children (?!) -- and I haven't encountered too many other CNBCers who have either -- but overall, it's definitely worth a read!  
• Completely unrelated to anything ALI-related, but full of great writing (and truths!) that made me laugh:  Cathal Kelly, a sportswriter at the Globe & Mail, expounds on a recent scandal involving the football coach at the University of Michigan, and what it says about the differences between Americans & Canadians. (Gift linked.) 
• (SO true! The largest crowd at an average-attendance Canadian college sports game -- of any sport -- would probably fit into an American high school football stadium -- and still leave a lot of empty seats.) 
• Annoying thing #4 (related to the above...!):  Dh has been watching hours and hours of American college & NFL football for two solid days now. (Sigh, and eyeroll.)  He tries to tell me that, well, I watch hours & hours of figure skating at this time of year -- but I still think he watches more football overall.  
• Besides which, no Canadian TV network is carrying coverage of the fall grand prix series this year (! -- Annoying thing #5...). American network coverage is spotty and U.S.-centric. I could watch it online, but to be honest, I forget to check what times it's on. The final is on this weekend (in Japan, I think?), so I may make an effort to tune in, even if it's on my laptop at odd hours.  
• On the other hand, with everyone south of the border busy with Thanksgiving, Black Friday and football, my inbox has been much less busy/full than usual, my social media networks quieter, and I've actually got some reading done. It's been nice to get caught up a little!