#MicroblogMondays: An emotional weekend

This was an emotional weekend. (Perhaps appropriately? the weather was grey & gloomy, which added to the mood.)  

Saturday afternoon, I attended a Zoom memorial for fellow childless blogger Bamberlamb, who died on Valentine's Day and whose funeral was on St. Patrick's Day. It was a private event hosted by the Childless Collective community, where Bamberlamb & I co-host(ed) the Childless After Babyloss sub-group. As my contribution to the program, I spoke a little about how I got to know her as a blogger first, and then read a poem that came to mind, when I learned that her husband had asked people to wear purple to her funeral -- her favourite colour. It was a sad event, but also comforting, with laughs as well as tears. I think she would have liked it.  :)   

Later that afternoon, I watched the taped gala from the recent World Figure Skating Championships on CBC. The competition was held in Boston, a city that lost a number of promising young skaters in the Washington, D.C. plane crash on Jan. 29th, and several of the gala skaters dedicated their performances to them.  A highlight was an emotional performance by Maxim Naumov (who was not among the competitors, but was invited to perform), who lost both his parents, Evgenia Shishkova & Vadim Naumov, in the crash.  (They were also his coaches.  They skated for the USSR/Russia, won the world pairs championships in 1994, and later moved to the U.S. and coached at the Boston club.)  He got a long and well-deserved standing ovation.

And then yesterday, dh & I drove about an hour east and south of here to attend a celebration of life for a friend who died on St. Patrick's Day after a long illness -- the same day Bamberlamb's funeral was being held in the UK. (I wrote about that confluence of events at the time, here.)  We got to know M. & her husband 22 years ago (gulp) when they came to our pregnancy loss support group after the loss of their baby son. We hadn't seen them -- or anyone from our old group -- in 10-15 years, but the bonds you form in groups like that are pretty strong, and we've stayed in touch on social media. (Already, I'm seeing comments she'd made on old posts of mine in my Facebook Memories.)  

There was no service or program -- just a social time together, with lots of food and displays of photos and M.'s beautiful craft work -- including a lovely plaque, memorializing the baby son they lost, 22 years ago.  And, on a table at the back, surrounded by a wreath of flowers, the urn containing her ashes. I patted the top of it with tears in my eyes and said, "Ya done good, M.  I hope you're finally getting some rest."  She was just 52. :(  

There were a LOT of people there, but we got there early, and her husband greeted us with big hugs. Obviously, he and his (other) kids were busy greeting people -- there was a near-continuous lineup at the door -- but another couple we'd known through the group arrived about a half-hour later, and we spent the next hour chatting and catching up. We commented (and I said to M's husband too) that it was a shame that it took a funeral to bring us all together again. And as we were leaving, we agreed that we should not wait for the NEXT funeral for another visit!  

In the car heading home, dh said, "I'm so glad we went."  Me too. 

Life is short -- way too short for some. :(  Treasure the people you love. Make the effort. You won't regret it. 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

Odds & ends for the weekend

• I had kind of forgotten that Liza Minnelli is "one of us."  Then I got watching a documentary about her this week, from "American Masters" on PBS -- "Liza:  A Truly Terrific Absolutely True Story" -- and they included a whole segment about how much she had wanted to have children, her multiple miscarriages, and how much she doted on her friends' children (and, later, grandchildren).There was a lot about her life that I'd forgotten (or never knew). She's a legend for a reason. Worth a watch, if you can find it! 
• Princess Beatrice of England recently wrote for Vogue UK about the premature birth of her daughter Athena in January. 
• In The Atlantic, Ashley Parker ponders "Miscarriage and Motherhood: What having a baby taught me about the illusion of control."  (Gift link.) 
• Like I needed one more book to add to my "to-read" list....!  Nevertheless, I was intrigued by this (mostly glowing) New York Times review of "Firstborn," a pregnancy loss memoir by Lauren Christensen. (NYT gift link.)  
• Lisa Kissane grapples with the eternal question of labels: "Am I Childless, Childfree or a Proxy-Parent? And why does it even matter?" 
• In her Substack "Mad Woman," Amanda Montei ponders the "is motherhood good or bad" debate -- and a recent iteration, featuring the singer Chappell Roan. 
• The whole piece is worth a read -- but I especially appreciate that it includes a reference to women without children -- and the acknowledgement that ours is a perspective that often goes unheard:

The latest Chappell Roan pile-on highlights one aspect of this conversation that is frequently unheard: discussions about maternal representation tend to dismiss, moralize, erase, even pathologize the experiences of women without kids, and even more the experiences of queer women without kids.

...women without children are also frequently blamed for other women’s attitudes toward and experiences of motherhood, and for everything from a failing economy, progressive politics, toxic internet culture, and sociopathy (which, to be clear, occurs at a rate of 3:1 men to women). Such claims are echoed, too, in neoliberal writings, usually by white women with certain economic privileges, who claim motherhood is inherently transformative and transcendent, and that images of liberated women without kids are somehow damaging the motherhood scene.

Care, to be clear, is transformative. And in our lonely, isolated cultural moment, we need more of it. But one need not be a mother to care for other people, or even for children.

• Also on the subject of the Chappell Roan kerfuffle:  Lane Anderson from "Matriarchy Report" asks her readers, "Can we talk about how to create solidarity among women, beyond the hot takes?" 
• What I love about this post is that Anderson actually realizes the motherhood debate is not a binary (i.e., it's the best thing/worst thing). (AND she invites readers without kids to share their perspective in the comments! -- which I did!):  

...But there’s also a third story at play here that’s worth considering:

Another story of American Motherhood/Non Motherhood is the single/child-free woman who is a Childless Cat Lady, is selfish, self-centered, doesn’t get it, and is wasting her life and potential. This is embodied in this case by Chappell Roan herself.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I actually do think it’s worth listening to what young women who don’t have children have to say about their perceptions of American Motherhood and the discourse thereof. 

• The matter of "what should I do with/will happen to my stuff when I'm gone?" weights heavily on many childless people. For me, as a genealogist, the question of what to do with all the stuff I've accumulated over years related to my family history is a particular concern. Even if none of my cousins or their kids find this stuff interesting (right now, anyway...!), it's quite possible one of THEIR kids or grandkids might. And why reinvent the wheel, right?  So much of what I've been able to build today began with a few documents carefully preserved by my grandparents & their siblings, and the stories they told me.  
• So I was pleased to read in a recent update email from the Ontario Genealogical Society (I'm a longtime member) that they are planning a new "legacy service" which would allow members to donate or bequeath their genealogical research to be digitized (for a fee) in order to preserve it and to share it with others. 
• I was thinking that if no one in my family was interested, I would donate my collection to the museum in the Minnesota county where my mother grew up (if they're interested -- and assuming the border is still open by then... (!) ). They already do a lot of family history stuff, and already have some items related to my family. 
• But it's nice to have another option to consider too.  
• Lisa Sibbett at "The Auntie Bulletin" asks a common question in the childless/free community:  "Who Will Care for You in Your Old Age, If Not Your Kids?" Jody Day's "alterkin" project is highlighted!  
• Jill Filipovic highlights a new study from the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine that shows the number of women dying after being denied life-saving and health-preserving abortions, post-Roe v Wade being overturned, is likely far higher than thought. Excerpt: 

Before the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and allowed Republican legislators to ban abortion in most of the states they control, the public narrative around abortion bans was simple: Make abortion illegal, and you get dangerous illegal abortions. And that remains true. But what much of the public didn’t seem to understand is that if you make abortion illegal, you get more dangerous pregnancies. 

• From the Washington Post: "Is listening to a book cheating?" (Let the arguments begin!  lol)  
• My personal viewpoint:  I wouldn't call it "cheating" -- but I find it hard to think of it as actually reading. Nothing against people who enjoy audiobooks (anything that gets people reading/enjoying books is a good thing!). Personally, I feel like I need to actually read a book to really absorb it.  
• (It's the same with podcasts: I enjoy podcasts, but I find I really have to focus my attention on what's being said -- no or minimal multi-tasking -- or else my mind will wander and then half an hour's gone by and I have no idea what I just heard!) 
• On a related note -- my L.M. Montgomery Readathon Facebook group reads & discusses LMM's books, chapter by chapter -- and each chapter is read on video by a volunteer group member. (I've done several chapter readings myself.)  I do enjoy listening to these -- and reading along with them at the same time. 
• Also in The Atlantic:  Daniel Engber writes about "The Evermaskers" -- people who remain covid-cautious, five years after the pandemic began. (Gift link.) 
• (I would describe myself as covid cautious -- I am certainly far more cognizant of the risks and (still) take more precautions than almost everyone I know, although I am not QUITE as vigilant as some of the people in the article, and have been venturing into more places recently without a mask -- so long as there aren't too many other people around.)  

Right now

Right now...* 

*(an occasional (mostly monthly) meme, alternating from time to time with "The Current"). (Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first "The Current" post, here.)

March started out cold & blustery, with a few more blasts of snow, on and off, ending with a icy blast of freezing rain over the weekend (frankly, I'd prefer a blizzard!).  But also (FINALLY! by mid-month) a few days that began to feel like spring! (One glorious day we hit 21C -- about 70F!) 

March hereabouts also means school spring break (mid-month) -- which for us meant staying close to home to avoid the mobs of frazzled families everywhere -- but which also meant we got to spend some time with the Little Great-Nephews!  :) (See below!) 

March also included lots of politics -- more threats coming from south of the border :(  and here at home, the federal Liberal party's leadership convention, quickly followed by the dissolution of Parliament and the launch of a federal election campaign. (We only just got through a provincial election in late February!) On the bright side, the campaign is only 37 days long! -- the election will be April 28th.  (Americans, take note! lol) 

Pandemic diary/update: March marked month #60 -- FIVE years since the SARS-COV-2 (covid) virus entered our lives in March 2020. :(  We (still!) remain covid-free (so far as we know... knocking wood, loudly...!).  We still mask in stores, malls and (most) other such indoor public spaces hereabouts --  especially if/when there are lots of people around. (Well, I do -- I know dh does not, when I'm not around to hand him a mask...!)  

Reading this article (part of the New York Times's 5-year milestone coverage) reinforced my resolve to keep doing what we've been doing and keep taking covid seriously:  "A Clearer Picture of Covid’s Lasting Effects on the Body."  (Gift link.) 

Among other things we did this month, we: 

• Attended Little Great-Niece's 2nd (!) birthday party at her maternal grandparents' house on March 1st. :)  
• Went to the mall to walk around and shop (March 4th, 18th & 25th). 
• Drove out to our former community for haircuts, and did a little shopping and walking at the mall (March 7th).  Stopped at the cemetery en route to visit Katie & change her niche decorations from Christmas stuff to something more Easter/spring-y.  
• On March 11th (during spring break week), we picked up SIL (at her suggestion) & drove up to stay with the two Little Great-Nephews while their mom got a much-needed haircut... and then stayed with LGN #2 while she took LGN #1 to see a movie. (BIL had to work.)  
• Unfortunately, the movie was sold out -- but she bought them tickets for a later showing (when Older Nephew could stay with the baby), and took LGN to an indoor playground for a while instead -- and then for ice cream!
• The dog got a lot of snuggles from me (probably more than he's had in a while!  poor neglected doggie!).  
• We were EXHAUSTED -- but we had a LOT of fun!  :)  
• Dropped off several bags of stuff at the local thrift shop, then went to Staples and Canadian Tire for a few things, with a final stop at the supermarket for few grocery items, plus some takeout soup for lunch. (March 14th) 
• Had a nice browse at the bookstore, then stopped at the drugstore to pick up a few things. (March 19th) 

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Also right now:  

Reading: I finished 3 books in March (all reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads & StoryGraph, & tagged "2025 books"):  

• "The Siege of Krishnapur" by J. G. Farrell -- the first new Footnotes and Tangents slow readalong for 2025, which started Jan. 13th, for 9 weeks. (3.5-4 stars;  my review.) 
• "I'm Sorry for My Loss: An Urgent Examination of Reproductive Care in America" by Rebecca Little and Colleen Long. (5 stars;  my review.) 
• "Peter West" by D.E. Stevenson (Re-read;  original review, 2-2.5 stars;  latest review, same.)  

This brings me to 10 books read in 2025 to date, 22% of my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) on track to meet my goal.  :) 

Current reads: 

• "Miss Buncle Married" by D.E. Stevenson ( (re)reading in advance of our DES group chapter-by-chapter discussion (start date still TBA) -- which I will count as another re-read once it's done). (Original 2015 review here). 
• "Anne of Windy Poplars" by L.M. Montgomery (called "Anne of Windy Willows" in the U.K., with some text variations). My L.M. Montgomery Readathon Facebook group started reading & discussing this book together today (Jan. 6th). (Previous review here.) Currently 60% completed. 
• "Living the Life Unexpected" by Jody Day.  I'm once again taking part in a chapter-by-chapter group read of this CNBC classic!  The most recent Zoom meeting covered Chapter 8.  This is the 5th (!) time I've read this book, or the earlier version of it ("Rocking the Life Unexpected").  (Most recent review, with links to earlier reviews, here.)  
• "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...! 

Coming up: Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and listing them here helps me keep track of what I should be reading next. ;)  

• For my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club:  
• "Can’t We Be Friends" by Denny S. Bryce & Eliza Knight. (May) 
• "A Burning" by Megha Majumdar. (June) 
• "Rules For Visiting" by Jessica Francis Kane (July) 
• "Drive Your Plow (Over the Bones of the Dead)" by Olga Tokarczuk. (August) 
• "The Wonderful Adventures of Mrs. Seacole in Many Lands" by Mary Seacole. (September) 
• "The Secrets of Blythswood Square" by Sara Sheridan. (October) 
• For my D.E. Stevenson group:  This list of upcoming books should keep us busy through 2025 or even into early 2026!  (A couple of the books are ones we covered shortly after I first joined the group back in 2014 -- you know you've been around for a while when....!)  
• The Two Mrs. Abbotts (original 2015 review here).
• Crooked Adam
• The Four Graces (original 2015 review here). 

• Footnotes and Tangents slow readalongs planned for 2025 include:
• "A Place of Greater Safety" by Hilary Mantel -- starts May 5th, for 20 weeks. 
• "Things Fall Apart" by Chinua Achebe -- starts Sept. 29th, for 5 weeks. 
• "The Blue Flower" by Penelope Fitzgerald -- starts Nov. 3rd, for 7 weeks. 

(Simon is a big fan of the late great Hilary Mantel, and the other books he's selected were all ones that she loved, so he figured they would probably be worth reading!) 

• Culture Study (Europe): next book TBA. 

A few recently purchased titles (all in digital format, mostly discounted ($5-10 or less) or purchased with points): 

• "A Very Private School" by Charles Spencer 
• "The Sky Was Falling" by Dr. Cornelia Griggs
• "The Fortnight in September" by R.C. Sherriff 
• "They Thought They Were Free" by Milton Mayer 
• "From Here to the Great Unknown" by Lisa Marie Presley & Riley Keough 
• "Big in Sweden" by Sally Franson 
• "Holding it Together: How Women Became America's Safety Net" by Jessica Calarco 
• "The Lightning Bottles" by Marissa Stapley 

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Watching: 

• The Oscars! (March 2nd)  I only saw one of the nominated movies ("Conclave"), and I don't follow the awards season as religiously as I once did, but it's still fun to watch. (And it's tradition! ;)  ) 
• Several more episodes of "Only Murders in the Building" (season 2) on Disney Plus (Older Nephew is a subscriber) while staying with Little Great-Nephew #2 while his mom took LGN #1 to a movie (see above). I thought I could watch the few remaining episodes in the season on the CTV website when we got home -- they were there when I checked after watching a few on TV over Christmas/early January -- but maddeningly, they're not available there any more. And I don't want to subscribe to another streaming service!  (We don't use our Netflix subscription as it is;  I've been contemplating dropping it.)  
• The World Figure Skating Championships from Boston (March 25th-30th), which I wrote about here.

Listening: We've been listening to more of the 80s Stingray Music channel lately (part of our cable TV package). (Maybe it will help me improve my Heardle 80s scores?? lol -- see below!) 

Playing:  

• Heardle Decades: Stats as of March 31st: 
• Heardle 60s: 76.0% (671/883, 262 on first guess), down 0.3% from last month. Max. streak: 15.
• Heardle 70s: 78.4% (486/620, 275 on first guess), up 0.6% from last month. Max. streak: 18. 
• Heardle 80s: 38.9% (192/493, 71 on first guess), up 0.2% from last month. Max. streak: 4. 
• Heardle 90s: 29.8% (177/593, 36 on first guess), up 0.1% from last month. Max. streak: 5. 
• NYT Connections:  
• By Feb. 28th, I'd completed 215 games and won 81% of them, including 78 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors. I increased my maximum winning streak from 15 to 21 (and counting!).  :)   
• By March 31st, I'd played 246 games and won 84% of them, including 123 "perfect puzzles."  And I increased my maximum winning streak from 21 to 30! 

Following:  

Eating/Drinking:  

• As I've mentioned before, we achieved our goal of lowering our cholesterol levels in late January,  after less-than-stellar bloodwork last fall earned us both serious chats with our doctor. We'll be doing more bloodwork later in the year to check again -- so we're continuing our efforts to eat healthier -- reduce portion sizes, cut back on fatty & processed foods (fewer casseroles, more chicken and beans/lentils), eat more fruits, vegetables and fibre, snack less (and make better snacking choices), and be at least a little more active. 
• Since then, I've continued to yo-yo a bit, but I still ended the month about a half pound lighter. (I'll take it!)  Overall, I've lost about 10 pounds since our chat with the doctor last October, and 22 pounds from my heaviest-ever weight a few years ago. 
• The last few times we've flown west to see my family (on Air Canada), one of the free snacks we've been offered has been a small package of pretzels -- buttery herb & garlic flavoured, from a brand called Twigz. I really liked them. 
• And then I got the brilliant idea to Google them. They are marketed as "craft pretzels," and a couple of local stores carry them. They're a little pricey, but I find it doesn't take a lot to fill me up, so a bag will last me a few days/up to a week. Nutritionally speaking, they're not bad (not great, but not bad) -- AND they are Canadian (an important consideration, especially right now).  
• Apparently there are four flavours. I've seen two -- the buttery herb & garlic I mentioned, and zesty dill pickle. (You can have the dill pickle flavour. I'm that weird kid who hated pickles when I was growing up, and I still take them off my hamburgers before I eat them.)  Sometimes the buttery herb & garlic flavouring is a little intense but I do like the texture. 
• Some notable recent takeout meals: soup, pizza slices and teriyaki rice bowls from the supermarket takeout counter, wood oven thin crust pizza, and rotisserie chicken. (Trying to avoid the stuff that's really calorie & fat-laden!) 

Wearing:  Still wearing long-sleeved tops, yoga pants, socks AND slippers, inside the house -- but I have not needed the cardigan in recent weeks. (Progress?)  (There was one glorious day, mid-month, when it was mild enough that I wore a denim jacket outside, and I'm not sure I even really needed that...!)    

Buying (besides books, lol): 

• More Canadian (or, failing that, international) products (vs American -- as are many of my fellow citizens), in light of the threats a certain U.S. leader (cough!) has been making against my country recently.  :(   (It's not always easy, though, given how intertwined our two countries' economies are...!)  
• Easter goodies for the great-niblings.

Enjoying:  Getting to spend some time with the great-niblings this month. (Hoping for more soon!)   

Appreciating:  That it's staying lighter for longer in the evenings again, since the time change earlier in the month. 

Trying: Greek yogurt, which is supposed to be healthier than the regular kind. The plain is the best from a health perspective (of course!) -- but the taste doesn't exactly knock your socks off (lol -- although I'll admit it grows on you...!).  The flavoured/fruit-on-bottom varieties are not quite as good for you, but still a relatively healthy choice. I've been eating both kinds. 

Noticing (and knocking wood, LOUDLY, as I write/type...!):  My knees have not been bothering me QUITE as much lately... I'm wondering whether the weight loss has helped??  

Also noticing that the twitch in my right eye, while not completely gone, has subsided quite a lot lately.  A friend who'd had the same problem told me someone suggested she take vitamin B, and it helped her -- so I started taking an additional 100 mcg of B12 (on top of my regular daily multivitamin) a few weeks ago. I guess it hasn't hurt...!   

Prioritizing: Getting our passports renewed!  (They expire in May.)  I worked on filling in the paperwork yesterday and rounding up our references;  hoping to get our photos taken later this week and get everything submitted by next week at the latest. (Not planning to travel to the U.S. anytime soon -- which is why we got passports 15 years ago in the first place, when they started being a requirement to cross the border -- but elsewhere is a possibility....) 

Wondering:  When/If it will ever be safe for me to visit the U.S. (including relatives there -- and my mom's hometown, just 20 miles south of the border) again..?  :(                                                                                                                                                                          

Wanting:  Some warmer temperatures (even slightly warmer) and sunshine would be nice...!  (Loving seeing some clear blue skies and sunshine today! -- albeit still a bit chilly at 3C/37F.)  

                              

Feeling: Impatient to see the end of winter and get on with spring!  Sick & tired of elections and politics. (See the opening of this post!) Looking forward to celebrating dh on his upcoming birthday, and (hopefully) seeing the great niblings at Eastertime.

#MicroblogMondays: Icy weekend

I spent this past weekend-plus as a couch potato. (Well, I'm often a couch potato, and not just on weekends (!) -- but this was more so than usual...!)   

For one thing, there were dire warnings of an impending ice storm/freezing rain -- which, thankfully, did not (for the most part) materialize where I live. (Other areas to the north & east of us were without power for lengthy periods.)  Staying snug at home seemed like a wise strategy. 

For another, the World Figure Skating Championships were on in Boston last week! 

As many of you will know from past posts, I have followed figure skating since I was a kid, taking lessons at local rinks from the time I was 5 until I was 13.  My first clear memories of following a competition are of Karen Magnussen & Janet Lynn at the 1972 Sapporo Winter Olympics and the subsequent Worlds -- which Magnussen won! -- but before that, I can recall watching CBC Sports host Ted Reynolds with commentators Petra Burka and Don Jackson, on our black-and-white TV.  

TV network coverage (from both Canadian and American television) has been frustratingly scanty in recent years (unless, perhaps you subscribe to a streaming service like NBC Peacock -- which is not available in Canada). The American networks tend to focus on the women's and men's competition, possibly the dance, and ignore the pairs event (where Americans tend not to do as well) -- and seldom show more than the final group of skaters, maybe two.  Canadian networks have traditionally shown all four disciplines, but have scaled way back on what they show on TV in recent years. (Saturday night coverage on CBC is a non-starter -- that's reserved for hockey, and has been since Canadian television began back in the early 1950s!).  

BUT the CBC website does carry the ISU (International Skating Union)'s live feed, which includes ALL events. So from Thursday through Saturday (and part of Sunday), I was glued to one screen or another, binge-watching hour after hour of my favourite sport, and keeping tabs on the standings on the ISU's live results page. (Let's just call it an "ice storm" of a different sort, lol.)  

I did have my limits, though:  there were 36 (!!) ice dance teams entered, and even I could not endure the thought of sitting through all 36 rhythm dance programs -- which lasted SIX HOURS!!  lol A much more manageable/watchable 20 teams qualified for the final.  

Overall, it was a LOT! lol  I am now WAY behind on the other stuff I wanted and needed to do over those days.  

But there was also some pretty spectacular skating on display. (And the Worlds only happens once a year!)  I'm glad I watched as much as I did!  

What sport (if any) do (could/would) you binge watch? 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

#MicroblogMondays: A shot in the dark?

Measles -- made rare in recent decades, thanks to vaccines -- has recently (sadly) been staging a comeback -- in the U.S., but also here in Canada, (no) thanks to the spread of misinformation by anti-vaxxers, plus the recent covid pandemic, which left some children well behind schedule on their routine vaccines. 

Margaret Renkl -- one of my favourite New York Times columnists -- wrote today about the growing spread of measles -- and "Why I Got the Measles Vaccine at Age 63." (Gift-linked article.)  I'm 64, and I've recently been having similar thoughts as Margaret. Do I need to get a measles shot?  

I got every vaccine that was available at the time as a matter of routine when I was a kid -- at the doctor's office, and sometimes at school (we'd line up for them in the school gymnasium). Apparently when I was a toddler, I had a bad reaction to the oral polio vaccine and was quite sick from it. This did NOT turn my mother against vaccines: she simply made sure that my doctors and schools were aware (and that I was aware too, from a young age) that I was NOT to have the oral polio vaccine -- and when the time came for boosters, I was called aside and got a shot in the arm, while my classmates lined up for their vaccine-doused sugar cube. (Thanks, Mom... I think...)(lol)   

There WAS a measles vaccine newly available in the early 1960s -- although it might have taken a while to reach the small towns in rural northeastern Saskatchewan where we were living then. I vaguely remember getting a shot at the doctor's office in the late 1960s for the "red measles" -- one of the first shots of its kind, I believe -- but the distinctions between "red measles," "German measles," plain old measles and rubella are rather hazy in my mind, and Dr. Google did not clarify the matter to my complete satisfaction. 

But I have no recollection of having had measles in any form. (Tangent:  I do vividly remember having chicken pox and mumps, pre-vaccines for those. I had one in the spring of Grade 1 and the other in the fall of Grade 2 ( = 1968) -- although don't ask me which one I had when. I *think* the chicken pox came first and then mumps in the fall, but don't quote me on that.  But I do remember they both went through my class at school like wildfire. We sat in rows of desks, and I remember an entire row of Grade 1 classmates was absent at one time. My poor sister had the chicken pox worse than I did, including sores in her ears. We were both covered with pink calamine lotion for days on end.)  

I can't rely on my medical records to tell me, either. This was (obviously) pre-computerization -- plus we lived in five different towns in two different provinces before I graduated high school, 45 years ago. Even if those doctors' records still exist and are easily attainable (which I rather doubt...), rounding them all up would be quite a task. 

I have a couple of handwritten cards recording some of the vaccinations I had and when I had them, as a kid -- one stuck in the pages of my baby book, another in a pile of papers my mom left in "my" room for me to look at when we were there at Christmastime. But there are certainly gaps. In summary, the medical records from that time of my life are far from complete.  

So I did the next-best thing I could think of -- I called Mom (lol) and asked her if I'd ever had measles, or a shot for them.  She said my sister & I did have the measles, but she wasn't sure which variety. "It was the less serious kind," she said helpfully. 

When I was trying to get pregnant in the mid-1990s (and NOT telling my parents about it -- hence, I wouldn't have asked them then...!), I was very conscious about protecting myself against the chances of getting measles/rubella, however slight. I told my family dr I was not sure whether I was immune, and he had me tested. The results showed I was immune to rubella. Again, whether that clears me for all forms of measles, I'm not sure. 

I need to have that conversation with my current family doctor the next time I see him. 

(Dh should probably have that conversation too. Both of his parents are gone, and he has absolutely no memory of having any of the prevalent childhood illnesses of our era.) 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

"Peter West" by D.E. Stevenson (re-read)

My D.E. Stevenson reading group has just finished its chapter-by-chapter reading & discussion of Stevenson's first published novel, "Peter West" (1923) -- the one DES novel the group has never read covered in its 25+ years of existence. (I read the book on my own in January, before we began as a group, and reviewed it here.) 

Peter West, 35, has watched Beth Kerr, the daughter of the local boatman/ferry operator grow up into a beautiful young woman. He realizes he loves her, but is manipulated by his scheming older sister into a marriage with a more "suitable" partner. Beth, too, is herded into a loveless marriage with a prosperous but hard-drinking local farmer by her father.  (Mild spoiler alert!:)  There's ultimately a happy/hopeful ending, but not without a lot of heartache and drama for both the main characters.  

"Peter West" contains some of the features that show up in many of DES's later novels -- a Scottish setting, some lovely landscape descriptions, loyal servants/retainers, villainous sisters, sympathetic clergymen, etc.  But overall, it's much darker, more melodramatic and less charming than some of her later books. There are also (to modern readers) a few cringeworthy word choices/phrases, particularly in the early chapters. Stevenson here is still very much an author finding her voice.  This was definitely not a favourite of many of our group members, but I am still glad we read it.   

I originally rated this book 2.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded down to 2 stars on Goodreads. As I said then, it had its good points, it's interesting from the perspective of the author's development as a writer -- and it pains me to give a DES book such a low rating -- but ultimately I can't put it on quite the same level as other DES books I've read and rated at 3 stars. 

Those ratings still stand upon re-reading.   

This was Book #10 read to date in 2025 (and Book #3 finished in March), bringing me to 22% of my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 1 book ahead of schedule to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books." 

"I'm Sorry for My Loss" by Rebecca Little and Colleen Long

Free of pressing new book club obligations (for the time being...!), I FINALLY got around to diving into "I'm Sorry for My Loss: An Urgent Examination of Reproductive Care in America" by Rebecca Little and Colleen Long -- a book I've been chomping at the bit to read ever since I first heard about it last August. (I've previously written about it and/or linked to articles about it, here, here and here.) 

It was worth the wait. 

As the subtitle says, this is a (very thorough!) examination of all aspects of reproductive care in America right now. Little and Long are childhood friends who both became journalists and have both experienced multiple losses at various stages of pregnancy. (Both have other children.) They know whereof they write, and their camaraderie lends a nice touch to the book.  They also interviewed more than 100 other women who have lost pregnancies about their experiences, as well as many others who have expertise in the field. Just about every page of my e-book has a bookmark or passage highlighted (or both).  

There have been other books written about various aspects of pregnancy loss. What makes this one special is the scope, how all-encompassing it is.  It delves into all the many factors -- historical, political, legal, medical, cultural, etc. -- that contribute to making all types of reproductive loss such a painful experience, by marshalling facts, data, academic studies and personal stories. It spotlights best practices, innovative programs in place in some locations, and other ways to  help destigmatize pregnancy loss and help those going through it cope with their grief. (There's even a "what not to say/say this instead" appendix at the end titled "Did You Seriously Just Say That To Me?").  It's all leavened with occasional dashes of wry humour.  

The book also touches briefly on the experience of childlessness in chapter 13 ("The Stories We Tell")(yay!! -- although, curiously, without actually using the word "childless"?). Observes one interviewee, who tried to conceive for more than seven years, had a termination for medical reasons and then a miscarriage, and has decided not to continue trying for a biological child:  

"If you're not willing to go into crippling debt, if you're not willing to put yourself through and explore every single opportunity no matter the physical and emotional cost -- if you stop before you scorch your life to the ground -- you just didn't want it badly enough... I held a dead baby in my arms. I've been through failed transfers. How much more am I going to put myself through? Even if it was all free, I don't know that I could do it."  

Reading this book was both maddening -- and tremendously validating, at the same time (the final section in particular, which focuses on the lived experience of loss and how we make meaning out of it:  the stories we tell, talismans/keepsakes, and mourning rituals).  As the subtitle alludes, this is a book based in the specifically American experience of reproductive loss (including the impact of Roe v Wade and the Dobbs decision which overturned it, 50 years later) -- but there is undoubtedly plenty here that will resonate, no matter where you live.  My loss was almost 27 years ago now, and I've read a lot on this subject, so a lot of this was familiar territory.  Even so, I had a shock of recognition over one aspect of one woman's hospital story: it was very similar to my own, but in 27 years, I don't think I'd ever read or heard the same thing from another loss mom before! 

This is an important, timely (long overdue!) book that needs to be read -- WIDELY. By women, by men, by people who have been through pregnancy loss (although it might be difficult, depending where you are in your grief journey) and those who haven't, by medical professionals and others supporting those experiencing loss -- and most certainly by policymakers and politicians who are making decisions that affect the lives of women and their families. 

In other words, everyone should read this book. :)  

Bravo and thank you, Rebecca Little and Colleen Long. An enthusiastic 5 stars 

This was Book #9 read to date in 2025 (and Book #2 finished in March), bringing me to 20% of my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) on track to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books." 

Can we get a break, universe?

Have you ever noticed that crappy stuff seems to happen all together, in quick succession? 

1998-99 was like that: I lost my baby, returned to work two months later, and two days later, my beloved grandfather died.  My grandma died almost a year to the day later, and about a week after THAT, my uncle (my dad's sister's husband) died suddenly, a few days after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. My mom couldn't attend the funeral because she was in the hospital for a hysterectomy. 

This is turning out to be another one of "those" years: 

• A year ago on Friday, my mom's only sibling/my uncle passed away. 
• Since mid-January, Mom has lost three cousins, another cousin's husband, and a close friend/longtime coworker. 
• And then, on Friday morning, her church burned down. 
• AND there was a murder in her quiet little Minnesota hometown. 
• This morning was Bamberlamb's funeral in the UK. (I wrote about her passing -- on Valentine's Day -- here.)  A mutual friend who was there representing the Childless Collective said it was "a marvellous sendoff" and very well attended, standing room only, with lots of people dressed in purple, Bamberlamb's favourite colour. 
• Obviously I wasn't able to attend -- but I was wearing purple that day (as I know a few of you were too!) (See the photo below.)  
• Miss you, dear Bamberlamb. 💜
• This afternoon (as I was writing this post!), I found out I'd lost ANOTHER friend. In fact, she died right around the time of Bamberlamb's funeral -- a fellow loss mom from our old support group.  Her daughter posted the news on Facebook -- along with a pre-written final message from her mom.  
• I've known this woman for 20+ years, since she & her husband started coming to our support group after the loss of their son. Several of us became fast friends: we attended support group meetings and events together (the annual picnic & memorial butterfly release, holiday candlelighting service, autumn Walk to Remember), threw subsequent baby showers for each other, scrapbooked together and, for several years in a row, had an annual pre-Christmas dinner out together. 
• Her story is not mine to tell, but suffice to say -- as if losing a child wasn't crap enough to deal with -- she's faced one health challenge after another in recent years with incredible bravery and tenacity. 
• I hope she rests in peace, because if anyone ever deserved a good rest, it's her. :(  
• And, oh yeah, the U.S. elected a lunatic leader who has been trying to destroy/take over my country since taking office in mid-January. :(  Fun times (not)....

Shamrock earrings for St. Patrick's Day, 
but wearing purple for Bamberlamb. 

#MicroblogMondays: Letting go... bit by bit

I never collected a lot of things for Katie during my pregnancy with her (as I think I've mentioned here before). Things were tentative right from the start:  spotting all through the first trimester, an uncertain blood screening test and a troubling ultrasound, followed by amniocentisis -- and an almost THREE WEEK WAIT for the results. 

When the results came back "normal," in late July (1998), I finally felt like I could start shopping. But by then, shower plans were underway for the September long weekend, and I was instructed not to buy too much yet;  I was going to get a ton of stuff at the party. (Which was never held.)  

As a result, my mementos of that time have been few. They mostly fit in two plastic bins that sit in the spare bedroom/office closet, and a large hatbox on the upper shelf of our bedroom closet. (Plus a smaller, shoebox-sized plastic bin full of artificial flowers, hanging ornaments and other decorations, both seasonal and general, for Katie's niche at the cemetery.)  

At one time, I couldn't have imagined letting go of any of it... but over time, little by little, I have actually sent a few things off to the thrift store. I got rid of most of my pregnancy & infertility books years ago (I kept my copy of "What To Expect While You're Expecting" as a "souvenir"), and I finally let go of most of my maternity clothes when we downsized from a house to our condo, 9 (!) years ago now (18 years after they were last worn). I did keep the outfit I'd been wearing when I went to my ob-gyn's office for my six-month checkup that fateful day in August 1998, as well as two or three pretty dresses that I'd loved.  

And... in one of those two plastic bins, I kept the one major thing I did buy for our baby in that brief interval between the good news and the absolute worst: a Classic Pooh themed bedding set, including a comforter, fitted sheet, bumper pads (which aren't even used any more), bedskirt and window valance, as well as two rolls of a matching wallpaper border.  (We had to order the border, and it didn't arrive until after the funeral. I couldn't bring myself to open the box for about five years -- and I used to joke that it would be funny if I waited all that time, only to find out it was the wrong paper!)(It WAS the right one!)  

I guess I've been in a bit of a spring cleaning mood, because I recently combed through the my (overstuffed) closet and armoire recently and pulled out enough old or seldom-worn items of clothing to fill a large plastic garbage bag. And then I did something I'd been contemplating for a while. I decided I could (finally) part with the bedding set (almost 27 years after we bought it!). I asked dh what he thought, and he agreed it was time. 

It was still in the original Sears bag (note: Sears closed all its Canadian stores in 2017), inside that plastic bin in the spare bedroom/office closet. I took everything out of the bag, set aside the folder with the sales receipt inside to keep (we got everything on sale! $177 Canadian!!), and took a few photos before I put it all back into the bag and into the pile of stuff for the thrift store. We dropped it all off on Friday morning. 

I felt a little sad. 

But no tears were shed. 

The comforter -- still in its original packaging. 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Odds & ends

• Today is FIVE YEARS (!) since the World Health Organization declared the covid-19 pandemic. You can read all my pandemic-related posts -- from the beginning to present day -- under the label "COVID-19 pandemic." (I've been re-reading some of my posts from those early days of March 2020... surreal...)  
• Lisa Sibbett at "The Auntie Bulletin" examines the classic movie musical "Mary Poppins" and the lessons it contains for aunties, in "The Moral of Mary Poppins." 
• My mom took my sister & me to see the movie when it (finally) came to the small town where we were living in Saskatchewan, in 1966. For Christmas that year, we got a record player, along with an LP of the movie soundtrack, as well as an album of Julie Andrews singing Christmas carols. (For my 6th birthday a few weeks later, I got "Herman's Hermits Greatest Hits Volume 2" -- which I still have!)  
• My high school drama club did "Mary Poppins" as our spring musical the year I was in Grade 11 (in the late 1970s). (Our music teacher wrote Disney to ask about the script and sheet music -- she got some music, but no script, and wound up writing her own, based on a Disney novelization of the movie for children. In hindsight, knowing Disney's firm copyright grip on its properties these days, I find this amazing. I guess they weren't quite as strict on these points back then...!) 
• I was cast as Mrs. Banks and, I am proud to report, got to sing "Sister Suffragettes." :)  (My feminist credentials have deep roots, lol.)  
• "Adoption and Fostering Are Not a Cure for Infertility:" Lisa Kissane shares her personal experience with fostering in "Life Without Children." 
• On International Women's Day, Jody Day of Gateway Women reminds us (on her Substack) that "It's International Women's Day... not International Mother's Day!"  
• Also on IWD:  the Toronto Star is featuring this story:  "Revenge of the ‘childless cat lady’: New research shows single women are the happiest people in the world."  (The research comes from the University of Toronto.) I realize that not ALL single women are happy about that status (and the article does nod to that), but it's an upbeat look at a subject that is so often mired in stereotypes. 
• Happily, the Star recently instituted gift articles for paid subscribers (of which I am one!) Enjoy! 
• Jessica Grose, who covers family, religion, education & culture issues for the New York Times, recently wrote in her newsletter about falling birth rates and how to create a more pro-child culture.  One of her key points:  that shaming childfree people is NOT the way to do it.  The article focuses on childfree people (vs childless), but I think it's worth a read.  ​(**CONTENT WARNING:  the article is illustrated with a photo of a baby.** )
• There are a couple of other items, including a bit of commentary about the pronatalist movement.  And, at the end, a part you may or may not want to skip, about a comedian whose new Netflix special is called "The Mother Lode."  
• Labels -- and how unsatisfactory they are -- is a topic that I know many of my CNBC peers grapple with, especially early in their journey. The third post I ever published here (in early November 2007) was on this subject:  "Am I childLESS or childFREE?"  It's also the topic of Y.L. Wolfe's latest Substack post too: "I Used to Call Myself Childless…But I've Realized I Might Be Childfree, Too."  
• Wolfe also muses on how her feelings on certain labels have changed over time -- and how, the older she gets, the more she resists being labelled by others. I can relate to that too.  

#MicroblogMondays: A shower (no umbrella)

A year ago on Valentine's Day, dh's cousin's son proposed to his girlfriend. It was carefully planned & staged at a Niagara-area winery, complete with a professional photographer capturing the moment and taking posed photos afterwards. 

The wedding will be in August this year.  I knew there would be a bridal shower, two or three months ahead of the big day itself, but I was still a little surprised when an invitation landed in my mailbox last week. (The shower isn't until late May, and the RSVP date isn't until late April, and it's only early/mid-March, but anyway...)  

Weddings are always sentimental occasions, but this one holds an extra layer of meaning for me.  The groom is 7 months older than Kate would have been;  I was newly pregnant and "out" about it at his mom's baby shower. I don't know how old the bride is, but I imagine she is more or less the same age as he is (and as Katie would have been). It's hard to comprehend that Katie would be 27 (!) this year -- likely done with her education by now, out & about in the working world, perhaps living on her own, perhaps also newly engaged or even married. She'd be older now than I was when I got married (I was 24).  

Generally, I enjoy weddings -- and I'm sure I'll wind up enjoying this one too, in the end (at least parts of it)  -- but needless to say, I'm (already) feeling an extra bit of angst when I think about it... 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

"The Siege of Krishnapur" by J.G. Farrell

"The Siege of Krishnapur" by J. G. Farrell -- winner of the 1973 Booker Prize -- is the first of four new "slow readalongs" being led by Simon Haisell at Footnotes and Tangents in 2025 -- all of them books beloved by the late great British author Hilary Mantel.  You may remember that I read Mantel's three books about Thomas Cromwell (as well as "War & Peace" by Leo Tolstoy) with F&T last year, and enjoyed the experience hugely! 

(Simon is repeating those readalongs from last year for paid subscribers too.  I regretfully decided I needed to focus my reading attention elsewhere this year, vs doing a re-read(s) with the group -- but I could not pass up the opportunity to explore some new (shorter! lol)  books under his guidance!)  

It's 1857 and, mysteriously, stacks of chapatis (a type of Indian flatbread) have been showing up in British communities all over India -- including on the desk of "The Collector," who oversees the isolated outpost at Krishnapur.  The Collector feels it's a sure sign that trouble is brewing, and rumours of strife begin to filter in from other British settlements -- of sepoys (Indian soldiers) in mutiny against their British overlords.  But the members of the colonial community remain confident of their military, social and moral superiority -- at least, until the siege begins...  

"The Siege of Krishnapur" is based on the true story of what happened in the city of Lucknow in 1857.  I knew some basic stuff about Britain's history in India, but aside from watching "The Jewel in the Crown" and reading the first book in the series it was based on (good grief, I just realized that was 40!! years ago now!!), I don't think I'd read any (certainly not many) books about it. I wasn't sure I was going to like this one -- but it didn't take me long to realize how wrong I'd been. As usual, Simon's weekly summary posts, including interesting "footnotes and tangents" of supplemental material, along with comments from the other readers, helped me to better understand and appreciate what we'd been reading. (The book also turned out to be funnier than the premise would suggest! -- notwithstanding the seriousness of the events it portrays and the themes it explores.)  

"The Siege of Krishnapur" is one of three volumes examining the decline of the British Empire. The other two include "Troubles," about the Easter 1916 rebellion in Ireland, and "The Singapore Grip," which takes place just before World War II.  They have been added to my reading list!  

3.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded up to 4 on Goodreads.   

Our next F&T slow read will be "A Place of Greater Safety" (about the French Revolution) by Hilary Mantel, beginning May 5th and running for 20 weeks through the summer and early fall.   

This was Book #8 read to date in 2025 (and Book #1 finished in March), bringing me to 18% of my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) on track to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books." 

#MicroblogMondays: Odds & ends

I'm afraid I haven't been very good lately about flagging interesting/relevant articles & posts that I've read to share with you all here. A couple recent ones of note:  

• Pronatalism much??  I remember thinking that when I read a few weeks ago about the U.S. Department of Transportation's new order to give funding priority to communities with “marriage and birth rates higher than the national average.” (!!)  I filed it away mentally to include as an item in a future blog post, and was reminded of it again when Lyz Lenz drew attention to it in a recent Substack post:  "Make America Isolated Again."  Have a read (but take your blood pressure medication first!)(joking/not joking). 
• Pronatalism much (part 2)??  As has been my habit since I was, oh, about 10 years old, I watched the Oscars on Sunday night (even though I'd only seen one of the nominated movies, "Conclave").  I mostly enjoyed the show, with one major exception. I hear "A Real Pain" is really great, and that Kieran Culkin deserved the Best Supporting Actor statuette he won -- but did anyone else cringe when he called out his wife in his acceptance speech and reminded her that she now "owes" (!) him not just one but TWO MORE KIDS?? (!!) Ugh...
• I've been enjoying Lisa Sibbett's Substack, "The Auntie Bulletin." A recent post outlined her strategic plan for 2025 & beyond. Worth a read, and lots to look forward to! 
• Friendship issues are huge for those of us living without the children we wanted: navigating the inevitable changes that happen when all our friends are having babies (and then grandchildren...!), how to make new friends when your old friends seem to abandon you for other mothers, etc.  This Substack post by Hailey Caulfield of "The Waiting Room" addresses some of these issues: "The space between us: Friendship, change, and the unspoken grief of growing apart." 
• Life coach & podcast host Lana Manikowski also has a Substack: "Childless. So Now What?" Most of the posts I've read to date are short but very much on the mark. From a recent post, "Never Be the Same":  
  

People love to say, “Everything happens for a reason,” but I found no comfort in those words. The truth is, some things just happen. Some dreams don’t come true. And sometimes, life takes a turn we never saw coming. But does that mean we’re destined to live a mediocre life? To settle for a version of ourselves that feels lesser than?

No. Absolutely not.

• Glynnis MacNicol (who is childfree by choice and wrote the wonderful memoir "No One Tells You This" -- reviewed here) revisits the 1978 Jill Clayburgh movie "An Unmarried Woman" in this Substack post.  (I remember seeing it, years ago, albeit not a lot about it, other than that it was really good.  I'd love to see it again although, as MacNicol points out, that's sadly easier said than done.) Says MacNicol: 

One of the reasons I keep returning to it, is that it’s one of the rare films, or television series, that allows a woman a happy ending that doesn’t involve marriage or a child. Another is that it’s a near perfect film. Jill Clayburgh’s performance is one of the best.

(FYI, Clayburgh's character does have a daughter in the movie. Also of note: she was nominated for an Oscar for the role, but lost to Jane Fonda in "Coming Home.")   

On another note, you'll be seeing fewer gift-linked articles from the Washington Post from me in the future.  I recently cancelled my longtime digital subscription to the paper. I've been meaning to do so ever since the publisher killed an editorial endorsing Kamala Harris before the election. Several other things have happened since then to reinforce that decision, including the departure of several writers I respected, and the publisher's decision to kill an editorial cartoon. 

I thought I'd wait until closer to when my current subscription rolled over in May to unsub (any cancellation on my part would not kick in until then) -- but the straw that broke the camel's back was the resignation of the editorial page editor, after the publisher announced a new direction for that section, one that would advocate “personal liberties and free markets” -- but not publish opposing viewpoints on those topics. 

It made me sad (for one thing, it was a very cheap subscription -- if/when I ever wanted to subscribe again, I could wind up paying up to 10 times more!). There are still some writers there I enjoy reading, and I love their Friday books newsletter.  I grew up worshipping Bob Woodward & Carl Bernstein from the Watergate era;  I read Katharine Graham's memoir, "Personal History," years ago (a great read!), which only increased my admiration for her.  I'm sure she would be rolling over in her grave if she knew what's happened. :(  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.