#MicroblogMondays: Odds & ends

• 
  "I had an accident," my 86-year-old father sheepishly confessed over the phone on Sunday afternoon. (!!!)  VERY thankfully!! he's fine!  
• However! -- the wall between the garage and the laundry/mud room of the house is not. :( 
• He was bringing the car into the garage when it started raining on Friday. His foot slipped on the brake and the car crashed into the wall. (!)  :(  There is a sizeable dent in the wall that I am told you can see daylight through. (My sister was there this weekend, and has promised to send photos.) 
• Funnily enough, the car came through with barely a scratch too. 
• It will probably cost several thousand dollars to repair the wall -- money that my parents do not have to spare. ("Dust off your chequebook,"  my sister told me grimly.)  My sister's partner has boarded up the crash site to keep out the cold, rodents, etc., until it can be fixed.   
• The potentially good (?) news to come out of this is that my parents have agreed to add their names to the waiting lists for seniors housing in several different places in town this week -- something we've been wanting them to do for several years now. 
• I always thought it would probably take a crisis of some sort to get them to move. I'm just glad it wasn't something worse! 
• Big changes to come in the next few months/year, I think...  :(  
• World Childless Week is over and (sadly, as is often the case for me), I still haven't read or watched very many of the wonderful offerings now available on the WCW 2025 website. If you haven't yet done it yourself, go have a look! 
• I did manage to post something every day during WCW about the daily theme and any relevant posts I've written, all tagged "WCW 2025." 
• Seasonal allergies haven't bothered me much in recent years -- and when they have, it's usually in late May/early June. But this past week or two, I've been suffering through violent sneezing fits, scratchy throat & ears;  itchy, burning, sticky eyes; fatigue.... ugh. I've been taking Claritin daily since this started, which usually does the trick... I'm feeling somewhat better this weekend (fingers crossed...!), but it sure took its time kicking in...!  
• I know everyone advises you to close the windows & run an air purifier, but I hate to do that when it's been so nice outside (and the time that we can do that is rapidly dwindling, as temperatures start to drop...!). 
• I was so sad to hear that Robert Redford died this past week. (How was he 89?!!).  
• I fell in love with Redford at age 12 when I saw him (and Paul Newman! -- were there ever two more gorgeous men on screen, together or separately??) in "The Sting." (I didn't get to see "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" until several years later, on TV.) 
• My sister & I saw it with our two cousins, while our parents watched "Blazing Saddles" -- rated R -- in an adjacent theatre. And "The Exorcist" was playing in the theatre right next to ours.  I remember my cousin pressing his ear against the wall to see if he could hear people screaming, lol. 
• A few years later, my mom took my sister & me to the drive-in theatre -- on a school night! (such was the power of Redford back then...!) -- to see "The Great Gatsby." (But first, we had to sit through "The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad" -- what a double bill!!)  
• We saw "The Way We Were" around the same time.  And, in the years that followed, "The Great Waldo Pepper," "All the President's Men" (which I wrote about here), "Three Days of the Condor," "Sneakers," "The Natural," "Out of Africa" (saw that one on one of my birthdays), "The Horse Whisperer," and so many more -- not to mention the amazing movies he directed -- among them "Ordinary People," "Quiz Show," and "A River Runs Through It." 
• I was reminded of a popular dessert from the 1970s (which my mom still makes from time to time). It was commonly known as "Better Than Sex"(lol) -- but on my Mom's recipe card, it's called "The Next Best Thing to Robert Redford" (or simply "Robert Redford"), lol. 
• I realized the minute I mentioned this dessert, someone was going to ask for the recipe -- and while I think I have a copy somewhere, I took the easy way out and Googled, and sure enough, up it popped. If this isn't the exact same recipe my mom had, it's pretty close!  Enjoy! 
• ALI note:  Did you know Redford and his first wife Lola lost their first son Scott to SIDS in 1959?  He was just two months old. :(   (His parents were in their early 20s.) He also lost his second son, James, in 2020, to cancer, when James was 58.  
• They don't make 'em like that anymore... 
• While dh watched the first NFL game of the season on a recent Sunday afternoon, involving his beloved Pittsburgh Steelers, I blocked out the cursing and yelling (lol) by catching up on some podcast episodes, including a couple from The Full Stop.
• I also listened to episode #71 -- the one I appeared on with Sandra McNicol in February, talking about childlessness and pregnancy loss. (I posted about it here.) This was the first time I'd actually listened to the finished episode on audio only, although I'd watched a video recording the day after we recorded it. Maybe it was because I was actually just LISTENING and not WATCHING myself on a screen too, or maybe enough time has passed, but it was (thankfully!) not as difficult to listen to at this point..
• Y.L. Wolfe muses "This Is Why We Hate Childfree Women"  ("we" = society). (The answer is in her subhead:  "They represent everything the patriarchy fears.")  
• British podcaster and author Elizabeth Day had an article in The Guardian recently about a life-changing call with a psychic. (There's an ALI angle.)  
• I've been following Charlie Angus's Substack, "The Resistance," for a while now. Charlie is a year or two younger than me, a punk rocker in his youth (!) who still plays in a band, and who was, until recently, a member of Parliament from the New Democratic Party (NDP), representing the riding in northern Ontario where he was born. He's been one of the most vocal and effective advocates for a strong, independent Canada in recent months. 
• This particular post is about the Group of Seven (a group of influential 20th century Canadian artists), and how Tom Thomson's famous painting "The Jack Pine" personifies and symbolizes the country and our spirit of survival and resistance. 
• As a proud Canadian, and a member at the McMichael Canadian Art Collection, which has a large holding of Group of Seven artwork, this one struck a chord. ;)  
• I appreciated this Substack post from Garrett Bucks at The White Pages about social media and the role it plays in building community, for good and for bad:  "The Internet is Killing Us." 
• In a similar vein:  I'm an unpaid subscriber to Katherine May's Substack "The Clearing," and while most of this post -- also about social media -- is paywalled, I completely agree with her thoughts in the portion that's visible (particularly the second paragraph I've quoted here):  

I was one of the true believers in the early days of Twitter, and I’m still grateful for so much of what I’ve found and learned across the various platforms I’ve been on. But I think, on both a personal and professional basis, social media has become unmanageable. It’s addictive by design, primed to draw us into tribalism and conflict, and - unless your creative practice is making short videos - a major distraction from the work that matters.




And yet; and yet. I’m averse to the view that social media is uniformly evil or dangerous; I still believe that it can bring isolated people together in a way that we’ve never seen before. I don’t think I’ll ever be the kind of author who does no socials at all. I love the opportunity to be in contact with the the people who read my books and with other authors. I often think of how unnerving the author’s life must once have been before we could do this: sending out books into silence, and perhaps waiting months for any response.




So I remain on social media, but in a far more controlled way than I once did... 

I've been trying (trying!) to wean myself away from social media a bit, especially the mindless scrolling. I still have a Twitter/X account, but rarely go on there. I'm on Bluesky & Threads, but try to limit the time I spend scrolling there. I am not on TikTok. 

On Facebook, I generally just go straight to "Feeds/Friends," where I only see content posted by my friends. (There's a feed for "Groups" too.)  Depending on the friends (lol), I may not may not be interested in or agree with what they post (but that's where the "mute" button comes in handy, lol), but the "Friends" feed is much more curated than just scrolling through the random stuff in the general feed, and I get to see more of the stuff that matters to me -- i.e., my friends' posts -- which is what I came to social media for in the first place.  

• Infertile Phoenix has noticed a substantial increase in the number of views her blog has been getting lately, and asked readers to indicate if they're human (or bots?).  
• Someone commented on Phoenix's post to say it was probably "'referral spam—fake visits that try to show up in your Google Analytics so you’ll click the link or buy their “traffic” service. It’s noise, not real customers.'" That's good to know. 
• I don't often look at my stats -- I've never been one to worry about increasing readership and getting clicks, etc; I'm just happy if people who are looking for support and want to feel less alone find my blog. 
• But I was curious, so I had a look. Sure enough, there's been a SUBSTANTIAL spike in page views recently. If I look at the trends over time, there was a small spike in mid-2023, a larger spike in early 2024, and then a HUGE spike this past month, peaking at almost 86,000 views on Sept. 19th alone (an all-time high)! That's BONKERS!! (compared to what I was getting in years gone by). 
• The U.S. is still a top source of viewers, but I've had a huge uptick in viewers from Hong Kong, Singapore and Brazil, among others.  
• "Referral spam" or not, it's a bit creepy. I wonder if AI is scraping my blog (our blogs?) to fuel its databases... or possibly (even worse) whether childless women are being targeted and monitored in some way for political purposes?    
• I try not to get too overtly political here -- but it seems like everything is political these days, especially when it comes to women, reproductive matters, and those of us who have deviated from the "norm" (even when that's been despite our desires and best efforts). 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Annoying things & small pleasures

 Annoying things:  

• Not so much "annoying," but sad: smoke from the wildfires in Saskatchewan and my home province of Manitoba (1000+ miles away) has reached us. :(   it's not as bad (so far...!) as the smoke from fires in Alberta & British Columbia was, a few years ago, but it's noticeable.  The forecast has been for sun, but the sky turned grey & slightly hazy on Monday night and has stayed that way. 
• So far, the air quality index is not too bad (the weather sites rate the risk today as "moderate). I know it's a lot worse in northern Ontario, as well as Minnesota & Iowa, etc.-- not to mention outside the fire zones in those two provinces.  Mom & Dad are nowhere near the fires but they've had to keep the windows closed (the levels there are in the "dangerous" zone).  We're keeping ours closed too, and I've got the air purifier running, although the current inside reading is not too bad either. 
• Related annoying thing:  pollen.  Dh has been sneezing like crazy, and I've had to take a couple of antihistamines in the past few days too. Eyes have been feeling gritty and irritated for both of us. 
• No water! (for just an hour this morning, but still...)  The city has been working on the sewers outside our building, and we had our water turned off for a hour this morning while they did some "backflow testing" (we were notified well in advance). We set the alarm clock and got up early to take our showers and get the laundry going before then (Wednesday has been laundry day lately). They were out there all day, and it was noisy (and smelly! -- sewer gas) -- but it was only an hour of real inconvenience, so... 
• (Speaking of noise...) The cacophony from lawnmowers, weed whackers, and (especially!) leaf blowers!! (One downside of summer weather!)  
• Shoe shopping:  I am looking for a pair of dressy sandals (preferably silver, but navy would also do) to wear with the new dress(es) I bought for a family wedding later this summer. Easy peasy, right?  Well, no. 
• The biggest hurdle and main issue:  I have very wide/thick feet that are VERY hard to fit. (It's a common feature on my dad's side of the family, and it is f***ing annoying.)  I can't even slide (cram?) my foot into many shoes that are specifically designated "wide width."  
• I want something that's flat or low-heeled (not kitten heels or stilettos).  I actually HAVE a couple of pairs of dressy silver sandals that I bought and wore the nephews' weddings (gulp -- 7 and 9 years ago now!) -- but they both have heels that are slightly higher than I am comfortable with these days. Given the tumbles I've taken recently (in low/flat heeled shoes!), I do NOT want to tempt fate and embarrass myself in front of a couple hundred wedding guests! 
• Also, they are not especially comfortable -- but it seems that finding dressy silver or navy sandals with low heels that actually fit my feet AND are decently comfortable would be the equivalent of winning the Powerball lottery...!  I will wear them if absolutely nothing else turns up (and jus be very careful...!).  The good thing is I still have two months to look!  
• I received an email notice on May 22nd that Pocket is "saying goodbye" -- i.e., shutting down. (I should have known when they were bought out by Mozilla in 2017 -- a buyout never seems to bode well..)  Mali recommended it to me years ago and I've been using it ever since then to save/bookmark articles I've been reading.  (It's also been very handy to get around some -- not all, but some -- paywalled material.)  
• Apparently we can export our saved items.  But to where?? (Any suggestions/recommendations?) 
• Not seeing Little Great Nephew #1 since Easter (and his brother only once briefly, almost a month ago now).  :(  
• The flood of "last day of school," prom and graduation photos began a few weeks ago and will continue through to the end of June. Sigh... (I do enjoy seeing them -- to a point! -- but after a while, it gets to be a little too much...)  
• The cost of flying within Canada. (I just booked our tickets to visit my family in July. OUCH.) 

 Small pleasures: 

• (On the flip side of the above point...!)  Having a trip "home" to look forward to...! 
• Finding matching "Cousin Crew" T-shirts in all the right sizes for all three LGNs!  ;)  
• A free month's trial of Ancestry DNA's ProTools. I've been particularly interested in (and taking advantage of) its "enhanced shared matches" feature, which lets you see how your shared matches are related to each other. Most of us are distant cousins to each other, of course, but I've been able to clarify a few relationships in some cases, which has been a big help.  :)  
• I actually missed the deadline to cancel before I was charged so I guess I'm paying for a month (erk! -- annoying thing).  I'm not sure I'll subscribe long term -- I already have a regular Ancestry subscription (which is not cheap), and this is an add-on to that -- but I can definitely see periodically subscribing, doing a spurt of research and then unsubbing, like some people do with streaming services. 
• The wit & wisdom of Kermit the Frog, needed now more than ever...!  (Lucky graduates!) 
• One of my classmates actually sang "The Rainbow Connection" at our high school graduation ceremony. (This was 1979, not long after the original Muppet Movie was released.)    

Pre-surgery odds & ends

• My eye surgery is early Monday morning at a hospital downtown, three months after I was diagnosed with a patch of scar tissue om my right cornea that's been affecting my vision. It's a quick, in-office, in-and-out laser procedure. I'll be getting up at the crack of dawn to make sure we get there in plenty of time, but at least it will be over with early on, and I won't have to spend half the day in nervous anticipation (that's what this weekend is for...!). Wish me luck!! 
• Depending on how things go and the restrictions I'm subjected to (my sister, who had similar surgery last year, warned me I will have to limit my screen time for at least the first few days), I may not be around the blogosphere much over the next week or two.  
• If I can come up with a #MicroblogMondays post before then, I'll write it and set it to post automatically on Monday morning, albeit it won't be linked to Mel's list, at least not right away. But if I don't come up with anything, I won't fret...! 
• Poor dh has been suffering for at least two weeks with fits of violent sneezing, and itchy red eyes... not even so much the eyes themselves, but the skin around them has been puffy/baggy, itchy and red. He has seasonal allergies, and they've been especially bad this year (even though he no longer has to mow the lawn, which was always a trigger in the past!).  He also has very dry, sensitive skin at the best of times. (And, of course, like many men, does nothing about it...!)  
• We tried Benadryl, Claritin, Reactine, saline eye drops, cold compresses, warm compresses, even tea bags! but nothing was helping much. We couldn't get an appointment for him with our family doctor for more than a week (! -- our health care system may be "free," but it is absolutely swamped right now, with another covid surge and shortages of staff, many of whom are sick, burned out/fed up and/or quitting -- and who can blame them, after what they've endured in recent years??) -- so he wound up going to an urgent care clinic near us yesterday (Thursday). They gave him a prescription for both Reactine (stronger dosage than the over-the-counter stuff) and an ointment for the skin around his eyes.  
• He wound up going to two different pharmacies trying to get the prescription filled -- the Reactine was no problem, but the ointment had to be special ordered. It was SUPPOSED to be ready this afternoon.
• You guessed it -- he went to pick it up and they still didn't have it... told him to come back Monday. :(   Poor guy -- very frustrating. :(  
• I was trying to think if anything in our environment had changed recently to trigger an allergic attack -- same laundry detergent, no new foods lately -- and then we realized dh had come home with a new bottle of shampoo and started using it right around the time this all started. He has mostly used Pert 2-in-1 shampoo for almost as long as I've known him (40+ years!)... and this was Pert, but they didn't have any of the "regular/classic" Pert in stock, so he bought a variety marketed towards men called "Ocean Rush." It was very strongly scented, and I am willing to bet money that's the culprit. 
• He's going to try using baby shampoo until things settle down, and then maybe go back to using his regular/classic Pert. 
• Speaking of shampoo:  I have used Neutrogena's Anti-Residue shampoo for something like 40 years too. A university friend used it, and left me a half-used bottle when she went back home for the summer. I tried it and loved it, and have been using it two or three times a week since then, alternating with another shampoo (currently Pantene 2-in-1 Volume & Body formula). I've noticed it was getting harder and harder to find (the conditioner that went with it was discontinued years ago) -- and my current bottle is about 2/3 empty, so I've been looking for another bottle lately, without success. Did some Googling, only to find... you guessed it -- it's been discontinued!! (Someone said they found it on Amazon... for $70 a bottle!!)  Their Canadian website is full of customers in the review section, wailing "WHY???"  :(   They have introduced some new formulations (which I have not yet seen on the drugstore shelves here), but the buzz on the website, and on a Reddit thread I found, is that they don't work nearly as well. Boo, hiss.... 
• I saw the Twitter thread mentioned in this New York Times article before I read the article -- related to parenting, sexism, learned helplessness, and the division of household labour. Sadly, I wasn't surprised...! 
• Speaking of Twitter, I've noticed something odd recently. I get a couple of emails every day featuring about a half-dozen tweets that Twitter thinks will interest me, generally from people I follow. If I click on the tweet in the message, it takes me to Twitter, where I get to see (and like or share) the original tweet and some of the responses -- and then sometimes a section of "More tweets," which are usually related, at least tangentially, to the original tweet. I follow a lot of childless and childfree people on Twitter -- and invariably, the featured tweets from them (usually about childless/free topics) are followed by other tweets related to either (a) parenting & pregnancy (!!) or -- (b) artistic photos from Germany. (??!)  
• Bloglovin' outage: still ongoing for more than a week (since Thursday night, July 14th!).  :p  

#MicroblogMondays: A few annoying things...

• Looking forward to a relaxing browse at the bookstore this afternoon, only to find it was overrun with families/kids when we got there (was there a school holiday or something we didn't know about??). 
• (Also having to dodge a local author who was aggressively hawking his new book near the front of the store -- and blocking access to the new books section while he was at it. Grrrr....) 
• People who don't even pause or glance to see if there are cars coming as they amble across the road (whatever happened to looking both ways & making sure you made eye contact with the driver before proceeding??). 
• The no-good-choices dilemma facing us for our provincial election this Thursday (including a Trump clone who stands a very real chance of becoming premier). :p  
• White House press conferences (watching one right now -- and wondering why I bother sometimes...!). 
• Seasonal allergies. :p  They haven't been as bad for me as they sometimes are, but I've been waking up with goopy, gritty eyes lately, and I've been sneezing on & off today. Bring on the Claritin!  
• Not being able to come up with a different topic for today's #MM post. :p  ;)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

Odds & ends: The aches & pains edition ;)

• American Thanksgiving is always kind of an odd day to be online, when you're a Canadian and already had your turkey and pumpkin pie and declarations of gratitude a month & a half ago. I kept refreshing my tab pages yesterday for new Facebook and message board & blog posts that never popped up, people south of the border being otherwise occupied with food, family & football. ;)  It suppose it's a little how non-Christians might feel on Christmas Day. ;)  
• I banged my head on Wednesday afternoon -- I bent over to pick something up as we were going into a store -- and brought my head up on the handle of an automatic door that was closing.  OW.  
• I'm feeling a lot better today, although it still aches now & then.  
• Besides an ice pack and ibuprofen when we got home, I decided to try the Peppermint Halo essential oils roller by Saje, which is supposed to work miracles on headaches.  I don't know if it really helped, or if the minty tingling just distracted me (lol), but it did feel good & smell nice. 
• This is not the first time this has happened to me (although it's far from the worst):  
• (1) The first time I remember being hit in the head was by a neighbourhood kid with a baseball bat (accidentally) when I was about 6 or 7.  I remember crying and going home -- but kids are resilient, and hey, I was walking and talking, so I guess I was fine. 
• (2) The second time was when I was 18 & the car I was in -- being driven by my friend's dad -- was rear-ended, giving both her & me whiplash, and I banged the back of my head against the edge of the backseat/on the back window ledge of the car. I suppose we should have gone to the hospital to get checked out, but we were en route (and already late) to the closing ceremonies of the Canada Winter Games -- and, being young and foolish, we didn't want to miss it, so my friend & I hailed a cab while her parents stayed with the car to sort things out with the other driver & with the police. I remember my head hurt so bad that night I wondered whether I was going to wake up in the morning. (Spoiler alert: it's almost 40 years later. I did.)  
• (3) 13 years ago, almost exactly at this time of year, I was vacuuming the bathroom in the basement of our house. I was bent over to get into the corners behind the toilet, brought my head up & cracked it hard on the knobby end of the towel rack. I watched the Grey Cup (Canadian Football League championship game -- this year's is on the this weekend) that afternoon with an ice pack pressed to my head. It ached for days afterward. 
• (4) 10 years ago, dh had one of those "club" things that locks onto the steering wheel of the car to deter theft. He was taking it off & swinging it around to drop into the back seat of the car -- at the same moment that I happened to lean over in that direction. CLUNK. At first, I didn't think it was that bad, but within a few minutes, I realized it hurt. A lot. I probably should have had dh take me to the hospital to get checked out -- and I did get checked out by our family dr a few days later when the aching still hadn't subsided. He was a former professional baseball player, and he didn't seem too concerned. Nevertheless, it was months before that achy feeling disappeared.  (That was the worst.) 
• Today, we know a whole lot more about concussions and their lingering effects. I'm not an athlete, and I know people who have had far worse concussions. But I also know that the effect can be cumulative and effects can still show up years later, which does worry me sometimes. :(  
• Between my allergy to tomatos and my gallstone issues, it's getting increasingly hard to find stuff that's "safe" for me to eat, especially when we eat out.  I think that, in the new year, I am going to have to bite the bullet & (a) investigate having my gallbladder removed and (b) get another referral to my allergist & do an oral challenge test. 
• It's been almost 10 (!!) years since I started having issues with eating tomatos & tomato products (ketchup, salsa, tomato sauce, etc.). I last saw my allergist not quite two years ago, and had some scratch tests and bloodwork done that (promisingly) showed little reaction to tomato. The next step was probably to do an oral challenge (i.e., slowly eat a tomato in increasing-sized portions in her office while being monitored for any reaction), to determine whether I'm still tomato-sensitive (I did one about five years ago and, encouragingly, I managed to eat almost an entire tomato before a hive popped up) -- but that was right around the time we moved, and I never did follow up.  
• I'm just a little leery about having my gallbladder out, because (a) I've never had surgery of any kind before (unless you count having my wisdom teeth out?) and (b) my great-grandmother died of complications after gallbladder surgery when she was just 44 years old. Granted, that was in 1928 and in a small, rural hospital -- I think medicine has probably come a long way since then. Plus she had NINE CHILDREN to look after (the oldest was 26 & the youngest was 11 -- my grandfather, somewhere in the middle, was 16), plus her husband, two hired men and a farmhouse. No running water or modern conveniences in those days, either. As my mother sometimes says, no wonder she died young...!
• I recently bought a pair of Skechers shoes after hearing rave reviews from several people, including both SIL & dh.  They make all kinds of running shoes, etc.  The ones I got are slip-on canvas walking shoes. OMG... So. Comfortable!!  My feet are nowhere near as sore & tired now when we come home from walking around a mall (on those hard concrete/tile floors) for a few hours. They even have wide widths, which is a must for me. :)  

What a crock!

For years, I heard friends, online & "in real life," rave about their crockpots (slow cookers). Pop your ingredients into the pot, turn it on and when you arrive home at night, voila, there's dinner for the whole family.

At first, I didn't think a crockpot was for me. To be honest, I thought of it as a "mom" thing -- a timesaver for busy moms, who needed to make big dinners for an entire family.

Then I realized that *I'm* a busy person too, even if I'm not a mom -- and there are such things as reducing portions, leftovers and freezers. ;) 

So I asked for a crockpot for Christmas one year -- and I got one. Unfortunately, I didn't realize just how big or HEAVY those things can be. I probably could have hauled it home with me if (a) I left everything else that had been in my suitcase behind, & (b) paid the airline extra fees for overweight baggage. I was also afraid of cracking or breaking the ceramic insert in transit.

So I asked my mom to return the crockpot. She gave me a gift card instead & when I got back home, I went shopping & bought my own crockpot.

Unfortunately, dh balked at the idea of leaving stuff cooking on the counter while we were out of the house for 11 hours (!), working & commuting.  And we always seemed to find something else to make for dinner on the weekend.  So the crockpot sat in my cupboard, unused and forlorn.

Fast forward to the present:  both dh & I are now unemployed/early-retired. We have more time now to cook, and to think about dinner and menu planning, and to try new recipes -- to expand our repertoire beyond the fast & convenient foods we'd come to rely on while we were working.

So I suggested dusting off the crockpot.

About two weeks ago, we made a pot roast for Sunday dinner that turned out beautifully and gave us enough leftovers that we were able to feast on hot roast beef sandwiches for the next few days for lunch.

Tonight, we tried beef stew, which also turned out well. 

Crockpots -- not just for moms. ;) 

Do you have & use a crockpot? Any favourite recipes or recipe sites you can recommend (keeping in mind that I have a tomato allergy = no tomatos, tomato sauce or paste or barbecue sauce). 

Tomato, tomahto....

Back in the summer of 2008, in the early days of this blog (relatively speaking), I had a weird reaction to something I ate. After much testing, further reactions and a great deal of anxiety and stress on my part :p we eventually pinpointed tomatos as the most likely culprit. You can read about some of the various reactions I went through over the next 2-3 years under the "allergies" category of this blog.

Eliminating tomatos from my diet -- particularly as someone married to an Italian (!!) -- has not been easy.  You don't realize until you can't eat them anymore just how ubiquitous tomatos are. (Sort of like when you're diagnosed as infertile and suddenly start seeing pregnant women & babies everywhere, lol.)  They're chopped in salads and sliced on sandwiches. They're grilled and served as a garnish at some restaurants. They're in salsas and dips, barbecue sauces used on meats. Tomatos and tomato sauce go hand in hand with pasta & pizza. I even had to stop eating plum sauce with my chicken fingers -- one brand that was in my refrigerator listed tomato paste as an ingredient, and who knows what's in the stuff they serve you in restaurants? I've started ordering pasta alfredo & caesar salads, which aren't as healthy as pomodoro sauce and garden salads.  I've learned to read labels, ask questions and straight out tell waiters at restaurants that I have a tomato allergy and would they please double-check with the kitchen. Most of them are happy to comply.

(There was one downtown Toronto restaurant where, four years ago this spring (FOUR YEARS??!), we took my retiring senior manager for a farewell lunch. I ordered veal limone, after asking the waitress and being reassured that it did not contain tomatos. When a plate of veal -- with a suspicious pink glaze -- landed in front of me, I immediately blurted out, "Oh no no -- I can't have tomatos!"  The waitress again assured me that there weren't any tomatos in the dish. I shrugged, took one bite -- and in front of my stunned colleagues, IMMEDIATELY broke out in red blotches. At that moment, the waitress appeared at my elbow with an apology -- she was so sorry, but she had just found out, there WAS tomato paste in the sauce. Despite her reassurances, she hadn't actually checked with the chef before this. Gee, thanks for telling me, lady, after I asked you three times. :p I popped a few Benadryl and one of my colleagues went with me outside to sit on the steps & get some fresh air, before heading back to the office.  For days afterward, I received calls from the restaurant owner, apologizing and asking me to call him, inviting me to return to be his guest, etc. It finally dawned on me that he probably wanted some reassurance that I wasn't going to sue his ass. I called & left a message on his voice mail thanking him for his concern, saying I was all right now, but I'm sure he understood I was not particularly anxious to return to his restaurant anytime soon. And I haven't been back to this day. Do you blame me??)

I do carry Benadryl (which has always worked for me) & an Epi-pen (which I have thankfully never had reason to use) in my purse, and I am happy to say (as I vigorously knock wood) that, thanks to careful avoidance and vigilance, I have not had an episode in more than three years now. 

In fact, the scratch tests done at my last two visits to the allergist showed no major food reactions -- including to tomatos. Go figure?? My former allergist retired a year ago, and in January 2013, I had an appointment with a new one -- a young woman I immediately liked. She did both scratch and blood tests for tomatos and a couple of other foods. Absolutely nothing registered as a problem.

She cautioned me that I should not run out & start eating tomatos willy-nilly. (Not that I was inclined to do so anyway.) She recommended that if I would like to reintroduce tomatos into my diet, I should bring a tomato to her office and eat it in front of her. Even then, she would recommend that I continue to carry the Benadryl and Epi-pen for at least a year.

I told her I would think about it. I was in no rush.

I went back again today for a checkup. Unfortunately, Young Dr. Allergist turned out to be on maternity leave (figures...). Her mat leave replacement was another young woman who noted my lack of reactions over the past few visits, and urged me to give the oral challenge test a try.

I'll admit, the very idea still scares me. But I decided to give it a try.

My appointment is next month. I'm going to book a personal day at work, and dh is going to come with me. We have the first appointment of the day, and we'll bring a couple of fresh tomatos (and a couple of books to help pass the time). She'll do a skin scratch test using juice from one of the tomatos. If I don't get a reaction to that, she'll ask me to eat a small piece of tomato and we'll see what happens.  If nothing happens after that, I'll eat a larger piece. And so on. Not sure how many times we'll repeat the process, but she warned me it will take a few hours. If all goes well, dh & I will celebrate with lunch & a trip to one of the mega-bookstores downtown. If not -- well, I'll be in a safe place with my Benadryl & my epi-pen and my dr, and dh will be with me.

Wish me luck!

Black Friday

The usual stresses of late November have kicked in. I haven't been feeling 100% this past week -- I am sure AF is about to descend upon me at any moment. Christmas is getting closer (which comes with its own set of stresses) -- but before I can start worrying about that too much, I have to get through the release of our year-end results at work. One more week to go!

I've been given responsibility for securing & tracking approvals for our part of the company's annual report. Not the numbers, mind you (thank God!), but the non-financial aspects. And while I don't want to go into too much detail, suffice to say that it's always a stressful time of year -- & having a new boss with new ways of doing things and new expectations has added to the usual stressors. The ante has been upped in terms of the number of people approving the copy, and all the different parts of the release they're approving, when compared to previous years under my former boss. The e-mails and paper have been flying thick & fast. Sometimes I just have to take half an hour to file everything into folder (paper & electronic) or I would never be able to keep it all straight.

Friday started when I got into the office before 8. My boss was already there, waiting for me, & we were off & running before I'd even had time to take a sip of my tea.

At noon, we took a break for an office pizza party -- a surprise baby/toddler shower. A few months ago, one of the 40-something men in the office surprised us all with an e-mailed announcement: he & his wife had just adopted a toddler, a little girl, through the Children's Aid Society. (I knew they didn't have any children, & while we've never discussed our mutual family situations, & I was happy for them, I couldn't help but think, "Another one bites the dust...!")

Everyone was filing past my cubicle to get to the meeting room before the unsuspecting dad was brought in, & they were all asking me, "Are you coming? Are you coming?" while I was trying to wrap up some loose ends. Yep, just what I needed, more pressure (and for a shower, at that...!).

Went into the room and... his wife was there, WITH the little girl. I didn't know she was coming, and was she ever cute. Of course, everyone was remarking on how cute she was, how happy they were for the parents, etc. etc.

The gift was more for the little girl than for the parents -- nothing practical, just pure fun: a Cin.der.ella princess outfit (complete with tiara) from the Dis.ney store, with a matching Cin.der.ella doll. (!!) She put on the dress & the tiara & was flouncing around the room carrying the doll. She had shoes that sparkled & flashed lights when she walked, too. Never mind thinking about how Katie would have looked -- I myself would have KILLED for an outfit like that when I was her age!!

Of course, because of my apparent allergy to tomatos, I couldn't eat any of the pizza; however, the organizers had made a special point of ordering a sauceless ham & cheese pizza just for me! So I had two pieces while I chatted with a few of my coworkers. One had been to Nova Scotia with his wife the week before dh & I went, so we were comparing vacation notes. I've had sauceless pizza before without incident, so I felt safe, & thought I was fine. It WAS a little greasy & I felt a slight sting on my lip at one point, but I didn't think anything of it.

But when I got back to my desk awhile later, my neck felt a bit warm -- so I pulled out my mirror & sure enough, I was all blotchy red, including my lips. Go figure?? My cheeks were starting to feel hot & prickly, & there was a slight feeling of fullness in my throat & jaw area. So I popped two Benadryls -- something I haven't had to do in several months. (I've had a few food-related incidents, but in most cases, the reactions came & went quickly without the need for medication.) At least nobody noticed & I didn't disrupt the party. I e-mailed dh (who conveniently works in the same building as me); he met me downstairs in the food court, & we sat there for awhile until I started feeling a bit better. The redness disappeared within about an hour -- but then the grogginess kicked in.

Which did not help me when sending out a long list of approvals that afternoon. At the same time I was trying to send out a new batch of approvals, I was being interrupted with responses to the e-mails I'd sent out that morning. I was bouncing back & forth from one thing to another & back again. Can you say "distracted??"

I sent out one e-mail, then a second one.

And then I panicked, because I had forgotten to attach the PDF file (one page). So I sent a second e-mail with the attachment (apologizing for forgetting it).

Then I remembered that I had cut & pasted the information to be approved into the e-mail body -- and I wasn't SUPPOSED to send out a PDF, because it contained confidential information. (THAT woke me up again in a hurry!) I thought I was going to have a heart attack on top of the allergic reaction.

So I sent out an e-mail recall in a panic (only the second time I've ever had to do that, I think), & a followup e-mail asking the person not to open the second e-mail, if they did receive it.

Then I went in & confessed to my boss what had happened & what I had done, including the fact that I had had a food reaction & had taken some Benadryl, which was fogging my mind. I think she could see how completely stressed I was. She said it wasn't a big deal, because the recipient was high level enough that he probably had this information anyway. She suggested I go home, but I said I was OK & wanted to finish the job before I left. The last thing I wanted was to walk in & have this hanging over my head on Monday morning.

And when I got back to my desk, I realized that the page was password protected -- & the recipient wouldn't be able to open it anyway. DUH. Awhile later, I was able to laugh about it with one of my coworkers (who was also stressed, in a different way and about something different), but it was not that funny while I was going through it.

So -- needless to say -- it was NOT MY DAY. Black Friday, indeed...! (I'm not much for crowds, but I think I'd have rather been in the States, standing in line at 5 a.m. & elbowing my way to the bargains.)

(And if you needed even more proof that I am stressed and my hormones are running amok -- I woke up Saturday with a cold sore. Ugh.)

Dh thinks my reaction was more to the little girl & the shower itself than the pizza. I don't know. It could be. The worst reactions I've had have usually been in situations where I've been under stress of some kind. And they've often happened just before, during or just after AF's visits, although not always.

I thought I was safe, because there were no tomatos or tomato sauce (although I have had reactions when there wasn't a tomato in sight -- I've figured out that in some cases, it might have been certain spices that are related to tomatos -- including paprika, cayenne & chili peppers -- which may have been the case here). I thought I was OK with attending the shower, & was even enjoying myself. Maybe not. It's so frustrating not to know what's causing this!!

The last time I saw her, in July, my allergist recommended I try shots as a way of alleviating (if not elminating) these reactions; my family dr agreed they might be worth a try, when I saw him for my checkup this fall. I could have them done at his office, but I would have to go once a week for an entire YEAR. Obviously, this time of year is NOT a good time to start something like this, but maybe in the new year.

Until then, I'll just be hoping that the next few weeks (& next week in particular) go by quickly, & I can just enjoy Christmas.

Shower report

In a nutshell, I managed just fine. I think I was more worried about the food than anything else -- but the grandmother-to-be told me when I got there that I was to order whatever I wanted, even if it wasn't on the limited menu everyone else was ordering from. They did have a four-cheese baked fettucine on the menu that I thought would be OK, so I ordered that with a Caesar salad & garlic bread.

I think it was actually the salad dressing (from a bottle, I'm sure) that had me feeling a little funny/warm after I finished -- but I decided it was probably just anxiety kicking in. I sat there with my chin in my hand (in case it was red, so people hopefully would not notice) & vowed not to check myself in the mirror for at least a half hour (unless I was feeling REALLY bad). In the meantime, our tea/coffee arrived, & by the time I actually went to the washroom, about an hour after eating, I was feeling much better & when I looked in the mirror, there were no red blotches anywhere. Yay!! : )

When stepMIL & I arrived (dh drove us, picked up stepMIL along the way), dh's cousin's wife -- the one who was due in April but had a miscarriage before Christmas -- was sitting near the door with her daughter. She gave me a big hug, & said into my ear, "Thank you so much for that very nice note you sent." I gave her an extra hug & said, "How are you doing?" & she said, "I'm OK," & that was that -- but it felt good to be acknowledged like that -- a nice little bond between just the two of us. : )

We sat with them, at the other end of the room from where the guest of honour & all the gifts & cake were, etc. Hard to hear at times, above the noise -- but probably better that way from our perspective! lol ; ) There were 50-75 women there, & between all of us & all of the gifts, etc., we took up about 2/3 of the restaurant. Luckily it wasn't too busy! The usual silly games, etc. They sent around an "Advice" notebook & you were supposed to write down your advice in it for the new mom. I just passed it along without writing anything. :p

Got back home just before 6, had a little dinner & watched the Who (or what's left of it, lol) on the Super Bowl halftime show. I'm exhausted. :p Back to work tomorrow. But -- there's a long weekend to look forward to!! : )

Odds & ends...

The dreaded M-Day (this year featuring a new form of torment & indignity -- a baptism to attend!!) is fast approaching. This will be my 10th M-Day as a babylost mama. Most of the time I do pretty well, I think... but M-Day still has the power to make me want to hide under the covers (not possible this year). I can't wait to get the hype over with.

I told dh last night that I had discussed my feelings about M-Day & the baptism with the employee assistance program counsellor I've been seeing. (Infertility & babyloss issues aside, I'm also a little nervous about the post-ceremony luncheon, at a local Italian restaurant, because of the food reaction issues I've been having lately (no tomato sauce for me!) -- and especially since I will likely already be in an emotional/anxious state.) .

Normally, he is sympathetic & says exactly the right thing -- but this time, he suggested that it maybe it was time to try to move on & let go of some of these feelings (!) & try to enjoy the baptism (!!).

Dear, deluded dh -- HOW long have you known me?? And how long have we been living with the loss of our daughter, and infertility??

I told him I think I'm doing pretty well overall, thank you very much -- and I'm sure I will cope with the baptism nicely when the time comes -- but I reserve the right to be sad/pissed off on (& before, & after…) Mother's Day. I think I'm entitled. End of story. :p

As I wrote last year, my usual M-Day strategy is… avoidance, lol. However, this year, there's another alternative activity for any of you living in the Greater Toronto Area. An organization called Conceivable Dreams: The OHIP for IVF Coalition is sponsoring a Mother's Day "Pram Push." They're asking Ontario's infertile families and their friends to join in a march to promote infertility awareness (and the restoration of OHIP funding for IVF), beginning at 10 a.m. at Nathan Phillips Square, up University Avenue to Queen's Park.

I'm hoping this will generate some good press coverage. Hoping…

*** *** ***

Speaking of my food allergies… as per Dr. Allergist's suggestion, I have been taking a daily (non-drowsy, thank Gawd!) antihistamine for the past two weeks, to see if that helps "break the cycle" I was in. I'm to continuing taking it until I go back to see her in July. So far, so good. Mind you, I am still being careful -- we have yet to try going out to a restaurant for supper, & I am still avoiding all tomatoes & tomato products like the plague -- but I have been taking baby steps to expand my diet again, even venturing back to the company cafeteria for lunch now & then, when they're serving something I regard as relatively "safe" I've still noticed a wee bit of red or pink spots on my chin & throat from time to time after eating (sometimes before eating too, which I chalk up to stress/anxiety) -- but it's been very minimal/mild compared to what I had been experiencing. Yay!

*** *** ***

As I alluded in my post for Tertia's book shower, I am never at a loss for something to read (case in point: the piles (yes, plural) of unread books stacked by my bedroom night table, and more in the basement, where our IKEA bookshelves have overflowed onto the floor) -- and with several bloggers putting out books recently, my to-read piles just keep on growing. : )

Just as I was finishing Tertia's book, Silent Sorority by Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos (better known to ALI bloggers as Pamela Jeanne of Coming2Terms) arrived in the mail. I'm reading that one right now.

I'm (im)patiently waiting for Navigating the Land of IF by Melissa Ford (Stirrup Queen extraordinaire) to arrive -- I'm betting the copy I won from Julie at A Little Pregnant (yay!) will beat the copy I ordered through Amazon.ca.

I also picked up It Sucked and Then I Cried by Heather Armstrong, better known on the Internet as Dooce. I had never heard of Dooce until several bloggers mentioned meeting her at last year's BlogHer conference in San Francisco. I checked out her blog & while she definitely falls into the category of mommyblogger (albeit one who's had her own struggles, with PPD), she is also hilarious & worth a read. (But be forewarned -- she is in the last few weeks of her second pregnancy at the moment.)

I have yet to start reading the next Barren B*tches Book Club selection, The Red Tent by Anita Diamant, which we'll be discussing towards the end of this month.

I'm also trying to get to Angels & Demons by Dan Brown before seeing the movie (which opens next Friday, May 15th. And My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult, and The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, which have also been adapted into movies, coming out this summer. Too many great books, too little time… (Of course, I'd probably have more time for more books if I could just tear myself away from the damned computer once in awhile…).

*** *** ***

Now that spring is here, kids are popping up like dandelions all over the neighbourhood, running up & down the street to & from each other's houses. Little Girl Next Door's trampoline is up, and almost every night, we arrive home to see a cluster of leggy little girls (there never seem to be less than three), all around the same age our daughter would have been (10), gleefully bouncing, shrieking and giggling.

One day I answered a knock on the door, & LGND was there with two of her friends. They were all dressed up, wearing crinolines and tiaras and smudgy gloss on their lips. They had dropped something over the side of the fence & were asking permission to go into our backyard to retrieve it.

I gave them a bemused smile & waved them on back, saying they didn't need to ask, to go ahead. And I shook my head as I closed the door.

She is getting so big.

Of allergies & anxiety

Thank you for all your kind comments & good wishes on my earlier post. I may have some food allergies -- but I definitely believe anxiety is rearing its ugly head again, after an absence of some years.

After Friday's hasty exit from the classroom, I had people coming by my cubicle all Monday morning asking me how I was doing. One person even asked me, "How's the drama queen?" She was just joking (my immediate boss told me she didn't even realize I was gone!) but of course it made me feel hugely self-conscious.

I went to my Weight Watchers meeting at noon that day & I found I had lost 3.4 lbs over the past week. Not exactly the way you want to lose it, though. :( I told my leader & a few of the members chimed in with their own experiences with food allergies.

It was all sympathetic, but nevertheless, being in a group setting (& the centre of attention, albeit briefly) had an impact. I could feel my throat starting to tighten up & was feeling very, very uncomfortable by the end of the meeting -- all before I had a single bite to eat. I went into the washroom, & I could see a small red spot forming on my neck. Went to the cafeteria to pick up some soup & a bun for lunch, and brought it back to my desk. Looked in the mirror, & the small red spot had gotten a bit larger. Started eating & boom! it started spreading like wildfire. What does that tell you?


I took a Benadryl as a precaution. The redness ran its course within about an hour or so, but the tightness remained, letting up a tad once I got home & did some yoga. It was probably the worst my throat has felt to date, although I could still breathe, swallow & eat dinner (pasta) without any problems. It felt better (less tight, albeit still sore) after a good night's sleep.


I went downstairs at coffee time the next day with my cellphone & datebook, called our employee assistance program & booked an appointment next week with a counsellor I have seen before, who was a sympathetic listener and had a great handle on midlife crisis issues. I went to my family dr Tuesday morning for a regular blood pressure checkup (120/80, thankfully). I'll also be seeing Dr. Ob-gyn for my annual Pap, etc., next week, as well as the long-awaited followup with the allergist -- so I think I have all my bases covered. ; )

The rest of the week has gradually gotten better (knocking wood here!). I took Benadryl one more time after supper on Tuesday night, after I thought I saw a red spot on my neck & started feeling anxious again. But I've been trying very hard not to run for the mirror as soon as I've eaten, because I think it just feeds the anxiety, & right now, I think the anxiety is more of a problem than the allergies are. Dh promised to tell me if he saw any redness on my neck. I've had a few anxious moments here & there where I've felt on the brink of panic, & wished I had some at.i.van again, but so far, I think I'm coping OK. My throat has been sore (no wonder, it's had quite the workout, poor thing...) but I've been gargling with salt water (tried & true home remedy). I've also did some yoga workout tapes a few nights this week, & I think that's helped too.

I brought my lunch Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday -- leftovers from home that I had eaten without incident & could feel confident eating at work -- although I had to clean our department's microwave before I could bring myself to put my food in there to heat up (ugh) (reason #32 why I don't like packing a lunch...!). We've been eating very simply this week, & will probably continue to do so next week, until I get through my appointments & figure out just what is ailing me & what I can do about it. Wish me luck!

You say tomato, I... turn red?

I realize I haven't been a very "talkative" blogger lately. I've been a little preoccupied.

To make a long story (slightly) shorter, I've had not just one... or two... or even three... but FOUR (count 'em) food reactions/hot flashes/anxiety attacks/whatever they are in the past week (9 or 10 in total since last June)(as last described here).

Each of these incidents begins with a small reddish spot, usually on my right chin, and then spreads in a red flush down my neck, under my jaw & up the to the left side of my neck, up my face & down my chest. Sometimes (but not always) I will feel warm, my heart will begin beating faster & /or my throat may feel slightly scratchy. I usually take one or two Benadryls at the first sign of redness, which totally throw me for a loop, leaving me dry-mouthed & woozy. The redness generally passes & I start feeling better anywhere from 30 to 90 minutes after it started.

The first incident was a week ago Saturday night (after eating a grilled chicken salad -- which included tomatos -- which I tested positive for in scratch tests at the allergist's office last summer)(never mind that I'm married to an Italian...!). The second was on Sunday night after eating a pasta casserole at home that we've had many times before (with tomato sauce, and on the spicy side, which I don't tolerate well at the best of times).

Incident #3 was mid-lunch on Tuesday, which was turkey on a whole wheat baguette with potato chips (there was a tomato slice in there). This sent me first to the walk-in clinic near my office & later to the emergency room to be checked out (since my throat still did not feel quite normal, several hours later), where I was pronounced fine. I was left with a raw throat, however, & raw nerves to boot. I was afraid of every mouthful I took, & began obsessively checking the mirror after every meal.

I vowed to totally avoid anything tomato-related, at least for the foreseeable future. Earlier in the week, I made a followup appointment with my allergist for April 17th (the first available date). I played telephone tag with her on Wednesday & Thursday to ask her some questions & try to move the appointment up, without success. (I did eventually find out that she is away all next week, so the 17th it remains.)

And so we arrived at Friday. I was on course that day, at a location near my office, with a dozen other people from my department. I vowed to be extra careful, because I did NOT want anything to happen in front of all my colleagues.

My day started off most auspiciously: I woke up to hear Chad Kroeger from Nickelback on my clock radio, bellowing "If today was your last day..." (!!) I could barely choke down my breakfast oatmeal (& in fact ended up putting some of it down the sink). I picked up a grande tea latte at Starbucks on my way into class, & then had another tea with a rice krispie square at break around 11 -- I asked for a medium & they gave me a jumbo -- so I had more than my usual dosage of caffeine, on a relatively empty stomach.

All I had for lunch was a plain bagel with plain cream cheese. I sat at a table with some of my other co-workers while we all ate. Even after eating my bagel, I was so hungry -- & everything they were having looked so good! :( I was so aware of everything I was putting in my mouth, & of the wonderful ripe red tomatos in the Greek salads a few of them were eating.

I got back to my table as the class was resuming around 1 & checked my pocket mirror -- & sure enough, there was a red spot appearing on my chin. I checked again a few minutes later & it was spreading so I took a Benadryl & tried to stay calm. I finally had to ask the girl beside me "Am I red?" & she said, "Kinda -- are you OK?" I grabbed my purse & she grabbed her cellphone, & we went out & sat on two chairs in the hall near the washroom.

Then my boss came out, & another girl from my table (who eventually returned to the class, after bringing me my water bottle). We just sat out in the hall & talked while I tried to calm down. They kept asking me how I was feeling & how was my breathing, & told me I wasn't so red anymore. I eventually decided to call dh to come & get me (& they stayed with me until he did, & went back into the classroom to get my coat & other things). I figured that even if/when this passed, I wouldn't be able to focus on the rest of the class, & I didn't want to disrupt things any more than I already had. (It was a good class, too!) :(

Once dh arrived, we decided to go to the walk in clinic (where I'd been earlier in theweek) & get checked out. The redness was gone, my throat was good -- but my heart was still pounding & I was feeling very warm all over. The nurse came in to take my blood pressure -- & I burst into tears & said, "This isn't going to be very good!" She said, "I'll come back in a minute then," & left, & I collapsed into dh's arms & just bawled & bawled. I haven't cried like that in a long, long time. I guess I was overdue.

The (young, female) dr checked me out -- throat clear, breathing fine, heart beating normally (albeit a little faster than usual). Bp high, of course, but not surprisingly, given that I was upset & on antihistamines. She recommended I carry an epi-pen, if only for peace of mind, & said she'd be glad to give me a prescription for one, so we took her up on it & went straight to the pharmacy.

Caught the next available train & finally got home around 4. I bawled some more, left my clothes lying in a heap, crawled into bed & slept for three hours.

When I woke up (around 7) I was RAVENOUS -- & I felt better than I had for DAYS. Had some leftover pasta with broccoli, olive oil & garlic (which I had eaten earlier in the week without incident). Yesterday, I cleaned the bathroom, but that was about it. Had oatmeal for breakfast as usual (which tasted SO good, as opposed to Friday...!), & have had no further incidents to date. We've decided we will try to eat as carefully as we can over the next few weeks, totally avoiding tomatos (even tomato dishes that haven't been a problem for me in the past) & any other foods that seem to have been a problem, just to let my digestive/immune system (not to mention my nerves) settle down. I'm not sure whether that's a sound medical theory, but I think it's certainly true psychologically. ; )

Dh is convinced that stress is playing a huge role in this, & while I don't want to discount the realities of food allergies, I have to agree. When I first saw him, I said, "I was so afraid something like this would happen today," & he thought,"Bingo!!" He pointed out that I often get very red, in much a similar way, during our support group meetings.

I also keep thinking about the anxiety attacks I had 7-8 years ago. I haven't had one in years -- & they weren't exactly the same -- but the way I was feeling at the clinic, just prior to the big sobfest, brought back more than a few memories. Crying that way felt very cathartic, & as I noted, I felt so, so much better after I'd had that cry & a few hours sleep.

Dh thinks I carry around way too much stress. I like to think I work some of it out by venting here on my blog & on a few of the message boards I post on, etc. -- but I guess there's still too much. I'm thinking I may try to go back & talk to one of the counsellors I've seen before. I also want to try to start doing some yoga again (I have some tapes/DVDs here at home), & hopefully the weather will soon be nice enough to allow us to start walking again regularly after dinner.

In between reactions, I had lunch with an old friend on Thursday (I had the salmon, without incident). She's a couple of years older than me. I told her what had been happening. She's never had any problems with allergies & the like, but noted that she's started having problems with asthma just in the last three years or so. She said, "I hate to say it, Lori, but I really think these midlife hormones do all kinds of crazy things to us...!" & I said "I totally agree!" I am seeing my ob-gyn later this month... we'll see what he has to say!

I am also right at/just past midcycle -- which is when several of the other reactions I've had in the past have occurred (others have happened right around AF time, which is why I wonder how much aging midlife hormones are playing in this...). And is it only a coincidence that many of my anxiety attacks in the past, & this escalation in food-related incidents, have happened in the springtime -- a time when, 11 years ago, I was riding the pregnancy rollercoaster? Hmmm...

Tomorrow is my Weight Watchers at Work meeting. If I haven't lost weight this week, after everything that's happened & the restricted diet I've been on (I haven't touched a cookie or chocolate in days)... I give up!!