No grandkids? (Welcome to my world...)

Last weekend's Globe & Mail had a really interesting -- and intelligent -- article ("Baby boomers are adjusting to a new retirement normal: No grandchildren") and accompanying 21-minute podcast about the growing numbers of would-be grandparents and their childless/free adult children, and the grief some of them are feeling about their lack of grandchildren. (You can find the podcast at the link above, or on any of the major podcast platforms -- it's called The Decibel, Jan. 19th episode.)  The reporter, Zosia Bielski, describes herself as childfree by choice, and has written other interesting articles about population and generational issues. 

I didn't realize it at the time, because I'm a digital-only subscriber, but the article was featured prominently, with the feature photo taking up most of the front page of the Saturday/weekend edition. It's generated a huge amount of reader comments (now closed to further responses).  (As usual, BEWARE THE COMMENTS!) 

The focus is on adult children choosing to be childfree, and their (Boomer) parents' reactions to that choice. There's no mention of the fact that not all boomers are parents to begin with (and thus will never be grandparents either). (Ahem!)(Late-stage Boomer/early GenXer here...!)  

But (surprisingly! and happily) our "not by choice" segment does get mentioned in both the article and the podcast. Laura Carroll, who literally wrote the book on pronatalism ("The Baby Matrix" -- which I read & reviewed here) and Therese Schecter, who filmed the wonderful documentary "My So-Called Selfish Life" (both childfree by choice), are among those interviewed. 

Part of me was rolling my eyes as I read, thinking, "Oh, boo-frickin'-hoo -- welcome to our world! -- At least you got to be a parent!" -- right? 

But there's a LOT here that will) sound familiar! 

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There was also a live Q&A with the reporter earlier today (Jan. 23rd). (Beware some of the comments there too...!) 

One reader asked "How are baby boomers who were expecting to fill their time being a grandparent figuring out what to do in their senior years instead?"  I thought Bielski's response was really interesting (particularly the part that I've highlighted in boldface): 

I think baby boomers, as boomers, are primed to change the script and chart their own course. This is an active cohort, a fit cohort, with disposable income and ample opportunities to fill their retired time. It's an adjustment, to be sure, but a necessary one if caregiving for g-kids is no longer in the mix.  

I think it's a uniquely North American question: how do we fill retirement time? Can we imagine Italians grappling with that question? (by the way, Italy registered its fewest babies since 1861 in 2022). 

We have to question why we invest so little in our off time, in the years post-career. Why does retirement terrify so many North Americans -- the "filling of time"? And why is it even more terrifying without grandkids to fill the void? 

These questions are even more relevant as birth rates decline and grandkids aren't a guarantee.

(Dh & I often get asked, "What do you DO all day??"  Dh came up with what I think is the perfect response:  "Whatever we want!"  lol)   

Bielski was also asked (in part)(and I'm itching to correct the spelling errors in the original...! lol):  

I think we have to accept that a new normal has evolved - get married later- decide on the question of children , while consciously deciding if that is the right individual/ couple choice. Looking at other's in our social group, those with adult children who have chosen not to parent are bothered - inflicting their values on their kid's. There are lots of opportunities to use one's grandparenting energy on other youths , why not direct oneself there?

Bielski's response (in part -- boldfaced emphasis mine):  

You're pointing to other opportunities to nurture -- other people, other children. And I think that is gradually coming to pass, in some families. The question is whether the rest of us can expand our thinking, our notions of family and fulfillment, and allow these people their ways of adapting to "new normals."

Yes!