I just read nine lovely comments on some recent posts -- and I hit "reject" by mistake instead of "publish." I don't suppose anyone knows of any way to get them back??
If not, please know that I really did appreciate them! :(
This isn't the first time I've done this either, & it's an awful feeling. :( (Please tell me I'm not the only person who's done this...!) I really wish there was a little pop up asking "Are you sure?" before comments get sent off to oblivion. That might make people (okay, ME!) take a second look.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
August 1-4, 1998: The last few days
Sunday, August 2nd, we picked up FIL & stepMIL and headed to BIL's house on the other side of the city. August 3rd was our younger nephew's 6th birthday (his older brother was 9 at the time), & the party was this day. As was my habit, I was taking photos, when our nephew said, "I want to take YOUR picture." I handed him the camera & dh & I posed for him. He's aiming up at us & we're looking down at him (& from this vantage point, my belly looks ENORMOUS!), but it's a great photo. It is also the only photo I have of myself visibly pregnant. Thank God I let him take it. Someday when he's older, perhaps I'll tell him that.
For some reason (perhaps a party in one of the neighbours' yards -- at least, that's what I thought at the time), I had trouble falling asleep that night. Fortunately, the next day (Monday, August 3rd) was a civic holiday & I could sleep in. I was surprised when Dr. Geneticist (back from vacation) called us at home. I detected a slight note of concern in his voice. He noted that my last ultrasound had been July 13th, more than three weeks ago, and said that we should continue to closely monitor what was going on. He said he'd be happy to arrange another ultrasound for me at his hospital, and asked me to call his office in the morning & have his secretary arrange one for Wednesday afternoon. I said I was seeing Dr. Ob-gyn that morning & could hop across the street afterward for the ultrasound, so long as Dr. Ob-gyn was in agreement. He said he'd like Dr. Ob-gyn to let him know what sort of a monitoring schedule he had in mind for me. He thanked me for the thank-you card I had sent to him. In my notes from that conversation, I have written, "Hope for the best."
I called Dr. Ob-gyn's office the next morning (Tuesday, August 4th) & related my conversation with Dr. Geneticist to his secretary. She told me to go ahead & book the ultrasound through Dr. Geneticist; "I can guarantee you there won't be anything available here tomorrow," she said.
My appointment with Dr. Ob-gyn was scheduled for 10:30 a.m. the next day; the ultrasound was scheduled for 3:30 p.m. Depending on how long the wait was, I wasn't sure whether I'd return to my office or just hang out around the hospital. Dh said he didn't think he could make both appointments -- he'd been taking a lot of time off to attend all these appointments with me -- so we decided I would go for my checkup by myself & he would join me later that afternoon for the ultrasound.
I called my university roommate/lawyer friend to ask her if she could help us out with getting our wills drawn up -- something we wanted to do before the baby arrived. She said she didn't do family law, & at any rate, I wouldn't want to pay her (or anyone else in her firm's) steep prices (at the time, I think she was billing at $300 an hour!). She said she would ask around & get back to me.
The baby seemed quieter lately (although I did note some movement in the evening these days). There was a nagging feeling in the back of my head that, small or not, she really should be moving more by now. I rechecked my small library of pregnancy books, & most of them said that movement did not become very strong or consistent until after about 24 weeks, which was more or less where I was at. And of course, she was "small for dates"....
For some reason (perhaps a party in one of the neighbours' yards -- at least, that's what I thought at the time), I had trouble falling asleep that night. Fortunately, the next day (Monday, August 3rd) was a civic holiday & I could sleep in. I was surprised when Dr. Geneticist (back from vacation) called us at home. I detected a slight note of concern in his voice. He noted that my last ultrasound had been July 13th, more than three weeks ago, and said that we should continue to closely monitor what was going on. He said he'd be happy to arrange another ultrasound for me at his hospital, and asked me to call his office in the morning & have his secretary arrange one for Wednesday afternoon. I said I was seeing Dr. Ob-gyn that morning & could hop across the street afterward for the ultrasound, so long as Dr. Ob-gyn was in agreement. He said he'd like Dr. Ob-gyn to let him know what sort of a monitoring schedule he had in mind for me. He thanked me for the thank-you card I had sent to him. In my notes from that conversation, I have written, "Hope for the best."
I called Dr. Ob-gyn's office the next morning (Tuesday, August 4th) & related my conversation with Dr. Geneticist to his secretary. She told me to go ahead & book the ultrasound through Dr. Geneticist; "I can guarantee you there won't be anything available here tomorrow," she said.
My appointment with Dr. Ob-gyn was scheduled for 10:30 a.m. the next day; the ultrasound was scheduled for 3:30 p.m. Depending on how long the wait was, I wasn't sure whether I'd return to my office or just hang out around the hospital. Dh said he didn't think he could make both appointments -- he'd been taking a lot of time off to attend all these appointments with me -- so we decided I would go for my checkup by myself & he would join me later that afternoon for the ultrasound.
I called my university roommate/lawyer friend to ask her if she could help us out with getting our wills drawn up -- something we wanted to do before the baby arrived. She said she didn't do family law, & at any rate, I wouldn't want to pay her (or anyone else in her firm's) steep prices (at the time, I think she was billing at $300 an hour!). She said she would ask around & get back to me.
The baby seemed quieter lately (although I did note some movement in the evening these days). There was a nagging feeling in the back of my head that, small or not, she really should be moving more by now. I rechecked my small library of pregnancy books, & most of them said that movement did not become very strong or consistent until after about 24 weeks, which was more or less where I was at. And of course, she was "small for dates"....
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Vacation, all I ever wanted...
(cue The Go-Gos, lol)
Even my boss said, "You've earned it" as I walked out the office door tonight & into two weeks of vacation. My feet have been pedicured, my hair has been cut, and I feel the burden of work lifting from my shoulders. Woohoo!! Soon I'll be flying home to the comforts of my parents' house. Even at age 47, I still like being spoiled by my mommy & daddy. ; )
At the same time, my feelings are mixed, because we're rapidly approaching the 10-year "anniversary" of Katie's stillbirth, next week. (Vacation?? Mmmm, not quite...) I don't feel prepared. (But are we ever prepared?) I've been working madly on a few "anniversary" posts to publish next week (which is one reason why my commenting activities have been sadly lacking lately). Most of the material is "repurposed" from some old postings to an e-mail support group I once belonged to, but I've still been finding it difficult, editing, embellishing, and digging up those memories all over again.
Perhaps it's appropriate that Stirrup Queen Mel's latest blogging venture is kicking off this week. Following up on the foundations laid at the BlogHer conference earlier this month, Mel has created a site called Bridges to help build greater awareness and understanding among various blogging communities -- not just infertility & loss-related, but also including topics such as cancer, parenting special needs children, addictions, allergies and mental health. She describes it as "a consortium of compassionate bloggers who are looking to use writing to educate, tell a story, bring awareness, and build community." Go over, have a look, and add your blog to the community blogroll.
The site will include a Living Childfree After Infertility & Loss section, and I'm thrilled that Mel has asked me to be a contributing editor, alongside of Pamela Jeanne. She & I will be contributing our own posts -- but we're also looking to share posts from others that lend some insight into childfree living -- so please let us know if you spot any that fit the bill!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Show & Tell: Grandma's kitchen treasures
My grandparents lived in the house that my grandmother's parents built shortly after their marriage in the very early 1900s (pictured above). It was an old, old house with issues, even when I was a kid, but I loved it and spent a good chunk of all my childhood summers as well as other holidays there.
After my grandfather had a heart attack in July 1983 (while I was away at grad school), it became apparent that they needed to move. They eventually found an apartment in a fourplex in town. The old house was now empty of people, but (since the apartment was much smaller than the house) not of things. For several years after they moved, we would still go over to the old house in the summertime to sit on the screened-in back porch, overgrown with Virginia creeper. We even camped out there several times until things got just a little too rickety. There was no electricity but, for a time, we could turn on the water. Dh found it a little spooky, but I always slept just fine while I was there. ; )
The family decided that it was not worth paying the taxes on the house, so after several years of non-payment, we knew the town/county would soon be taking over. So in the summer of 1996, a final clearout of all the stuff that was left in the house began. Family members converged to help out & claim the things they wanted; whatever was leftover went up for auction.
Being 2,000 miles away, I missed out on most of this, although I did spend several days of my vacation at the very end, helping to clean up the last few things & load them up for the auction sale. My sister got Grandma's buffet & old treadle sewing machine; my cousin got the old kitchen table. The cost & logistics of shipping meant that most of the stuff I got tended to be on the smaller side. But that was OK with me, since it was those thing that probably meant the most to me anyway.
There was a similar scenario after my grandparents went into the seniors' home: we kept the apartment (with my parents subsidizing the costs -- for one thing, it gave us all a place to stay when we visited, motel rooms being at a premium in this small town, a good hour's drive from the nearest large centre). After my grandparents passed away -- Grandpa in October 1998 and Grandma in October 1999 -- there was a similar divvying up & cleaning out process.
The kitchen was always the heart of Grandma's home, small as it was. There was always a pot of coffee percolating on the stove, and always friends & relatives dropping by to share it and some good conversation. I remember the kitchen being full of people, good food, and laughter. I love that my own kitchen is filled with things from hers. People will sometimes tell me how "homey" my kitchen feels & I think Grandma deserves a lot of the credit for it.
Here are a few of those things:
Grandma was Swedish, but she had a lifelong fascination with Holland and Dutch things. She had several pictures of windmills around the house, & these ceramic figures of a little Dutch boy & girl hung on the dining room wall in the old house. She wrote on the back of them that they were a gift from my grandfather, bought at the drugstore in the Canadian border town where I was born, & the date. They're high up on the wall, so I didn't take them down to check, but I believe they're from the late 1940s or early 1950s.
Grandma had specific thoughts about who should have certain items from the house. She always said that my one cousin should have the chest of drawers from one of the bedrooms, & that I was to have the cookie jar. Why, I have no idea (although I will admit to eating my fair share of its contents, lol). It moved to the apartment when Grandma & Grandpa did. She tried to give it to me a few times, but I always said it belonged in her kitchen & I would gladly take it "when the time came."
After her funeral, my mother told me that I might as well take it now, so I wrapped it carefully up in several thick towels & took it with me in my carryon bag on the airplane. I believe it's made of what's called "milk glass" -- "dotted Swiss" or "hobnail" style. I have seen other cookie jars like it in Martha Stewart magazine, etc., so I know that it's a collectible & would probably fetch a nice price, were I to sell it on eBay or whatever -- but I would far rather give it to the next generation of cookie-eaters in the family. I know Grandma would like that. ; )
This spice box, & the salt & pepper shakers on top of it, were on the kitchen wall at the old house. When I was little, I loved peeking inside the drawers (which generally housed a ragtag collection of coins, stamps, etc.). My mother brought the spice box for me on one of her visits, saying she thought I should have it. To say I was tickled is an understatement, "but where are the salt & pepper shakers??" I asked. To me, the three items went together like, well, salt & pepper! I got those on my next visit home, & felt a sense of completion when I was finally able to return the shakers to their proper place atop the spice box.
I actually gave my grandparents this cream & sugar set for Christmas one year when I was in university, & Mom felt I should have it. I bought it because it just said "Grandma's kitchen" to me. They now sit on top of my stove.
This breadboard was a fixture on the wall of Grandma's kitchen for as long as I could remember. My mother & her boyfriend at the time bought it for Grandma during a visit to the Minnesota State Fair in September 1958, & since she gave it to Grandma, she deemed that I should have it. The translation of the Swedish inscription, according to Grandma, is "Bread & butter make your cheeks red."
This little plate hung over the kitchen sink in the old house. It was headed for auction before I scooped it up on my last visit to the old house. My great-aunt (my great-uncle's wife) gave it to my grandmother.
I have other things from Grandma's house, but these are the most visible items from my kitchen!
For more Show & Tell, visit Mel's blog post here.Thursday, July 24, 2008
Building bridges
Mel's BlogHer column this week dealt with issues arising from last weekend's BlogHer conference, including the matter of building bridges between mommybloggers & those of us in the infertility community. She posed five questions to us on this topic. Here are my answers:
We are all complex human beings with multiple interests. I could just as easily ended up with a vegetarian blog or a twin-parenting blog or a Jewish blog. Why did I end up with an infertility blog? What is the overriding theme of your blog and why? This question, of course, can be answered by any type of blogger in order to start this conversation.
My blog is about living childless/free after stillbirth and infertility.
Why did I wind up with this kind of blog (vs another topic)? Infertility & loss have cast a huge shadow over my life over the past 10 years and continue to be an issue. Even though my dh & I are no longer ttc, we still continue to deal with the fallout, & with the struggle to live without children in a pronatalist world.
What do you hope to achieve personally and externally with your blog?
My blog is first & foremost for me. I've always found writing to be cathartic, & I started blogging to help me work out some of the memories & feelings as I have as I approach the 10-year "anniversary" of my daughter's stillbirth, and the ongoing difficulty of living without children in a world gone mad for pregnant women & babies (at least, that's how it seems…!). I also wanted to take part in Mel's online book club! : )
I also noticed, when I went looking for blogs written by other women who are childless but not by choice, that there's not a lot of us out there (or resources of any kind for this group, for that matter). I'm happy to add my voice to strengthen the choir. : ) Cultivating an audience is not among my specific goals or priorities -- but if my blog happens to touch or speak to other women dealing with the same life issues as I have/am, & promote dialogue on the issues arising from childless/free living, that can only be a good thing.
Do you think a bridge needs to be built between communities in the larger blogosphere in order to foster understanding (in other words, between infertility blogger and mommy bloggers or two other groups)?
I do. But I wonder, if you asked a typical (non-infertile) parent this question, what their response would be. I doubt they have given the topic very much thought, unless someone close to them has been dealing with infertility (& perhaps not even then).
How do you go about building these bridges? If we build bridges, will people cross them?
I'm not sure. I guess that first (as above), we need to demonstrate that there is a chasm. Some people might have to be led there. : ) As I said before, I'm not sure it's occurred to some fertile people that a problem exists.
Then they need to hear the "what's in it for me?" angle -- why it's in their interest/how it will benefit them & their families to help build & cross the bridge. I do think that, once people become aware that there is an issue, most of them will give us a respectful hearing.
What do you think is gained and lost by opening up a community (making it more accessible, inviting outsiders to comment, explaining the shorthand abbreviations)? If you aren't a member of a community, would you feel comfortable crossing a bridge that was placed in front of you?
What is gained: hopefully a greater understanding and awareness of what our lives are like and the issues we face as infertile women, and greater sensitivity to our them.
What is lost: building bridges opens us up to the possibility of greater understanding & awareness -- but also to the greater possibility of being hurt, whether intentionally or unintentionally, from people who don't understand our perspective and judge our decisions without having walked a mile in our moccasins.
We are all complex human beings with multiple interests. I could just as easily ended up with a vegetarian blog or a twin-parenting blog or a Jewish blog. Why did I end up with an infertility blog? What is the overriding theme of your blog and why? This question, of course, can be answered by any type of blogger in order to start this conversation.
My blog is about living childless/free after stillbirth and infertility.
Why did I wind up with this kind of blog (vs another topic)? Infertility & loss have cast a huge shadow over my life over the past 10 years and continue to be an issue. Even though my dh & I are no longer ttc, we still continue to deal with the fallout, & with the struggle to live without children in a pronatalist world.
What do you hope to achieve personally and externally with your blog?
My blog is first & foremost for me. I've always found writing to be cathartic, & I started blogging to help me work out some of the memories & feelings as I have as I approach the 10-year "anniversary" of my daughter's stillbirth, and the ongoing difficulty of living without children in a world gone mad for pregnant women & babies (at least, that's how it seems…!). I also wanted to take part in Mel's online book club! : )
I also noticed, when I went looking for blogs written by other women who are childless but not by choice, that there's not a lot of us out there (or resources of any kind for this group, for that matter). I'm happy to add my voice to strengthen the choir. : ) Cultivating an audience is not among my specific goals or priorities -- but if my blog happens to touch or speak to other women dealing with the same life issues as I have/am, & promote dialogue on the issues arising from childless/free living, that can only be a good thing.
Do you think a bridge needs to be built between communities in the larger blogosphere in order to foster understanding (in other words, between infertility blogger and mommy bloggers or two other groups)?
I do. But I wonder, if you asked a typical (non-infertile) parent this question, what their response would be. I doubt they have given the topic very much thought, unless someone close to them has been dealing with infertility (& perhaps not even then).
How do you go about building these bridges? If we build bridges, will people cross them?
I'm not sure. I guess that first (as above), we need to demonstrate that there is a chasm. Some people might have to be led there. : ) As I said before, I'm not sure it's occurred to some fertile people that a problem exists.
Then they need to hear the "what's in it for me?" angle -- why it's in their interest/how it will benefit them & their families to help build & cross the bridge. I do think that, once people become aware that there is an issue, most of them will give us a respectful hearing.
What do you think is gained and lost by opening up a community (making it more accessible, inviting outsiders to comment, explaining the shorthand abbreviations)? If you aren't a member of a community, would you feel comfortable crossing a bridge that was placed in front of you?
What is gained: hopefully a greater understanding and awareness of what our lives are like and the issues we face as infertile women, and greater sensitivity to our them.
What is lost: building bridges opens us up to the possibility of greater understanding & awareness -- but also to the greater possibility of being hurt, whether intentionally or unintentionally, from people who don't understand our perspective and judge our decisions without having walked a mile in our moccasins.
Article: "The great taboo"
There was so much in this article that had me nodding, "yes, yes & yes." The writer is angry -- but perhaps she has reason to be.
The usual comments you might expect to find follow the article -- the childfree by choice people who say she doesn't speak for them, parents telling her to get over herself & adopt, etc. I also found some comments about it on an infertility message board. Some people thought that she was being rather harsh about DE -- but I don't think that should detract from her central message she's trying to convey.
The usual comments you might expect to find follow the article -- the childfree by choice people who say she doesn't speak for them, parents telling her to get over herself & adopt, etc. I also found some comments about it on an infertility message board. Some people thought that she was being rather harsh about DE -- but I don't think that should detract from her central message she's trying to convey.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Who will remember me... and care about my stuff?
Mel at Stirrup Queens had another thought-provoking post today about remembrance and how writing about the people we knew and loved helps us to honour & preserve their memory. (And how we need to hear good things about ourselves from other people BEFORE we're gone.)
In one of the comments, Jill says, "I have this fear of being forgotten."
I think that's one of the things that bothers me about not having children. Even more than "Who will take care of me when I get old?" (I figure there will always be nursing homes, etc., that will make sure that at the very least I don't starve.)
But who will REMEMBER me when I'm gone?
I will have no children or grandchildren to perpetuate my memory.
My sister does not & will not have any children.
Dh's brother has two teenaged boys. I love them dearly, but (perhaps because they are boys) they are closer to dh than I am. My fear is that dh will die first & they will forget about me and leave me to languish in a nursing home without any visitors.
I have tried to reach out to the children of my two (only two)(both male) cousins on my mother's side… but it's been hard to establish a relationship with them. I spent lots of time with my cousins at our grandparents' when we were kids -- but we live far apart and, once we got into high school and then university, and then married & started families, we never seemed to be visiting our grandparents at the same time any more. There was a 10-year stretch, between 1988 and my grandparents' funerals in 1998 & 1999, when I did not see them, & I've seen them only three or four times since then, although I get Christmas cards from them and the occasional e-mail (from the one in particular).
My mother sees them more often, & calls them occasionally, as well as hearing about them via my uncle (her brother), & keeps me posted on what they're up to. But I really don't know their kids very well at all (although I feel like I do, by virtue of our relationship, & like I should). This makes me sad.
Beyond being remembered, I've long struggled with the idea of "who will inherit my things when I'm gone?" Most of it will go to our nephews -- but there are some things that came from my family and would mean absolutely nothing to them -- for example, the knickknacks from my grandmother's kitchen that now reside in mine, the ceramic topper from my grandparents' wedding cake, the pictures of my extended family members. The logical answer to me would be to give these things to my cousins' children. Each cousin has a girl & boy (most of them now teenagers); my younger cousin also has a stepdaughter from his wife's first marriage.
I've written previously about my older cousin's daughter, who bears an eerie resemblance to my sister & me, went from toddler to teenager. She got pregnant as she was finishing high school (!) and, now 21, has two little girls who also look very much like my sister & I did at the same age (and, perhaps, how my own daughter would have looked). She was my grandparents' first great-grandchild and spent a lot of time with them growing up. She was 12 when my grandfather died & 13 when my grandmother died, so she remembers them -- better, I'm sure, than the younger ones.
For my "golden" birthday, when I turned 12, my grandmother gave me her Class of 1934 high school ring. I treasured it, and wore it right up until I got married.
Three years ago, when my older cousin's daughter was graduating from high school (pregnant), I decided she should have it, as a high school graduation present. I knew I would see my uncle, her grandfather, on my vacation -- so I retrieved the ring from the safety deposit box, wore it for one more week, kissed it as I took it off my finger for the last time, & wrapped it up carefully with a card that contained my grandmother's high school graduation photo & a note saying that I wanted her to have this & I thought Grandma would too. I said that perhaps someday she could tell her soon-to-be-born daughter about Grandma & Grandpa, and how much they loved us all. And I gave it to my uncle to give to her.
I never received a thank-you note or any acknowledgement of the gift whatsoever. I'm wondering whether I should try something similar with my younger cousin's daughter when she graduates, & see whether I get a better response. If so, then I'll know who the rest of the stuff should go to. ; ) If not… well, I still think the stuff relating to that part of my family should go to them. But it would be nicer, knowing that someone else appreciates it in the same way that I do.
In one of the comments, Jill says, "I have this fear of being forgotten."
I think that's one of the things that bothers me about not having children. Even more than "Who will take care of me when I get old?" (I figure there will always be nursing homes, etc., that will make sure that at the very least I don't starve.)
But who will REMEMBER me when I'm gone?
I will have no children or grandchildren to perpetuate my memory.
My sister does not & will not have any children.
Dh's brother has two teenaged boys. I love them dearly, but (perhaps because they are boys) they are closer to dh than I am. My fear is that dh will die first & they will forget about me and leave me to languish in a nursing home without any visitors.
I have tried to reach out to the children of my two (only two)(both male) cousins on my mother's side… but it's been hard to establish a relationship with them. I spent lots of time with my cousins at our grandparents' when we were kids -- but we live far apart and, once we got into high school and then university, and then married & started families, we never seemed to be visiting our grandparents at the same time any more. There was a 10-year stretch, between 1988 and my grandparents' funerals in 1998 & 1999, when I did not see them, & I've seen them only three or four times since then, although I get Christmas cards from them and the occasional e-mail (from the one in particular).
My mother sees them more often, & calls them occasionally, as well as hearing about them via my uncle (her brother), & keeps me posted on what they're up to. But I really don't know their kids very well at all (although I feel like I do, by virtue of our relationship, & like I should). This makes me sad.
Beyond being remembered, I've long struggled with the idea of "who will inherit my things when I'm gone?" Most of it will go to our nephews -- but there are some things that came from my family and would mean absolutely nothing to them -- for example, the knickknacks from my grandmother's kitchen that now reside in mine, the ceramic topper from my grandparents' wedding cake, the pictures of my extended family members. The logical answer to me would be to give these things to my cousins' children. Each cousin has a girl & boy (most of them now teenagers); my younger cousin also has a stepdaughter from his wife's first marriage.
I've written previously about my older cousin's daughter, who bears an eerie resemblance to my sister & me, went from toddler to teenager. She got pregnant as she was finishing high school (!) and, now 21, has two little girls who also look very much like my sister & I did at the same age (and, perhaps, how my own daughter would have looked). She was my grandparents' first great-grandchild and spent a lot of time with them growing up. She was 12 when my grandfather died & 13 when my grandmother died, so she remembers them -- better, I'm sure, than the younger ones.
For my "golden" birthday, when I turned 12, my grandmother gave me her Class of 1934 high school ring. I treasured it, and wore it right up until I got married.
Three years ago, when my older cousin's daughter was graduating from high school (pregnant), I decided she should have it, as a high school graduation present. I knew I would see my uncle, her grandfather, on my vacation -- so I retrieved the ring from the safety deposit box, wore it for one more week, kissed it as I took it off my finger for the last time, & wrapped it up carefully with a card that contained my grandmother's high school graduation photo & a note saying that I wanted her to have this & I thought Grandma would too. I said that perhaps someday she could tell her soon-to-be-born daughter about Grandma & Grandpa, and how much they loved us all. And I gave it to my uncle to give to her.
I never received a thank-you note or any acknowledgement of the gift whatsoever. I'm wondering whether I should try something similar with my younger cousin's daughter when she graduates, & see whether I get a better response. If so, then I'll know who the rest of the stuff should go to. ; ) If not… well, I still think the stuff relating to that part of my family should go to them. But it would be nicer, knowing that someone else appreciates it in the same way that I do.
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