Odds & ends

• Eric Topol at the Substack "Ground Truths" is a great source of science-based information about covid and other viruses (albeit sometimes the reading gets a little dense/technical...!).  His latest post, "The Indomitable Covid Virus" (subhead:  "How to respond without denialism or complacency") is worth a read. Have a look at the graph at the top. (Yikes -- no wonder I'm hearing about so many people with covid recently...!)  Some highlights of what he had to say (boldfaced emphasis mine):  

Fortunately, the rise in levels of the virus, still going up in all 4 major US regions (most recent CDC data below) has not been linked with as much severe Covid (absolute increase) as was seen in prior waves, but compared to last week there was a relative increase of 25% of deaths and 12% increase in emergency room visits due to Covid. No matter how you look at it, this is not a benign wave, folks.

Moreover, besides people getting sick from Covid, typically now from a recurrent bout (often 3rd or more), there will be more people developing Long Covid... less new cases of Long Covid but still a risk, especially in unvaccinated individuals...  

 

Added to problem of the virus‘s evolution and, as a result, is the blunting of our immune response, the big issue of waning immunity... The virus evolves and, at the same time, our immune response wanes. That’s not a good combination.

The other feature that promotes the virus is our complete let down of mitigation that we know (despite misinformation and disinformation) works. Few people are masking. Little has been done to improve air quality or ventilation. Indoor events are being held with big crowds, making believe that the virus has gone away. It hasn’t. It won’t....

Our best defense against Long Covid is not to get Covid. Our second best known defense is to be vaccinated. The better the vaccine, the less Long Covid risk.

• One of my high school friends recently posted on Facebook to wish her son/oldest child a happy birthday. His FORTIETH (40th) birthday. (!!!)  How are we (how am I) old enough to have kids who are 40 years old??!  (We graduated from high school 45 years ago in June!) 
• In a similar vein, my sister told me she's told her longtime best friend they need to plan an anniversary dinner in September. They've been friends since they met in Grade 7 -- both newcomers to town -- 50 (!!) years ago. There are marriages that don't last that long...!  
• World Childless Week 2024 this year is Sept. 16th through 22nd, and the deadline for submissions is midnight on Sunday, August 25th.  (I always have great intentions..!) This year's daily topics/themes are:  
• Our Stories (Monday, Sept. 16th) 
• Childless Person of Colour (Tuesday, Sept. 17th) 
• The Importance of Pets (Wednesday, Sept. 18th) 
• Childless Friend or Foe? (Thursday, Sept. 19th) 
• No Kids!  Do You Want Mine? (Friday, Sept. 20th) 
• We Are Worthy (Saturday, Sept. 21st) 
• Moving Forwards (Sunday, Sept. 22nd) 
• Aunties Day was two Sundays ago (July 28th).  I was in transit between Winnipeg and Toronto, so I kind of forgot about it  (as I often do...!).  But it's nice to have a special day to recognize aunties, and I wish it was better known & more widely celebrated. 
• From the July 9th edition of Stylist, a British magazine: "26 excellent books that explore life as a woman who doesn’t have children." (I've read 9 of the books listed, I think, and have several more in my TBR pile!) 
• Stylist also had two other articles on a topic of huge interest to many of us, I know. (The headlines read "childfree" but both childfree and childless women are included.)  Unfortunately, they seem to be behind a paywall. (Opening them in Pocket, which sometimes works for me as a paywall workaround, didn't work this time.)  Someone on a childless group I'm on posted screenshots of one of the articles -- 21 photos!  and it was interesting, albeit not exactly a smooth read...! If anyone knows a better way, let me know!  Anyway, for those of you who do subscribe, heads up!  The articles are: 
• “I don't want children... why do I feel so much pressure to make up for that?" (Blurb: “As a child-free woman, I feel so much pressure to make my life as big, exciting and impressive as possible to compensate for not having children. Where does that pressure come from? And how do I resist it?”) (Hint:  It has to do with pronatalism!) 
• “I feel like I need to justify my worth:  25 child-free women on the pressures they face." (Blurb:  "We asked 25 women to explore how the pressure to ‘make up’ for being child-free shows up for them, and how they navigate it.") 

I've been reading and saving a LOT of articles and posts about a certain U.S. vice-presidential candidate and his callous remarks about "childless cat ladies," and I'll be posting separately about that soon, with some relevant links (once I manage to go through them all and assemble them into a semi-coherent piece...!). :)  

#MicroblogMondays: An "interesting" weekend...!

It's a long weekend here (civic holiday) -- and it's been, ahem, "interesting."  

Saturday was relatively quiet.  Yesterday (Sunday) I hosted a book club Zoom chat -- I'm one of the co-hosts for the book club on the Childless Collective community, and we try to pick books where motherhood, pregnancy, babies, etc., are not a focus (and NO MIRACLE BABIES!!  lol). Our book was "The Hollow Sea" by Annie Kirby (reviewed here), who is a member of the community, and she joined us for a second hour to chat and answer our questions -- so we had more people on the call than usual. Between hosting the call, asking discussion & interview questions, monitoring the chat,  watching for people with raised hands who wanted to speak, etc. etc.,  I was kept hopping! -- but it went very well! 

Younger Nephew's birthday was also this weekend -- he was 32 (!) -- and we were invited over to their townhouse on Sunday afternoon for cake & coffee. Because of the book club event, I wasn't able to go at 2-2:30, when everyone else was coming, but dh went then. It's not that far, less than a 10-mimute walk, and as soon as I was done the Zoom call (at 4), I locked up and headed over to join them all. Unfortunately, Little Great-Nephew wasn't feeling well  :(  so he, his mom & dad stayed home  :(  but BIL & SIL were there, and Little Great-Niece kept us all entertained. She actually said, "Aunt Lori" and wanted to sit on my lap (and for me to pick her up), and shared some of the bits of cheese and strawberries her mom had cut up for her with me!  Needless to say, I was tickled!!  :) 

We had a fun visit with birthday cake & snacks, and then we started walking back home shortly after 5, I think. It was very warm & humid, the sun was out and there's not a lot of shade along the way -- and my husband walks very fast. I will admit I'm not in optimum shape (erk!), and I have trouble keeping up with him at the best of times -- and today was clearly not "the best of times."  I probably hadn't had been drinking as much water as I should have either, because I'd been so busy talking and visiting and taking photos of Little Great-Niece (and Younger Nephew, the birthday boy! lol).  I was getting VERY winded. 

We were within 100 feet of our condo building -- and I told him I had to stop for a minute. There was a bus shelter on the corner and I managed to make it in there, sat down on the bench -- and almost passed out. :(  I may have actually passed out briefly, for a few seconds anyway, I'm not sure. I was VERY woozy. In retrospect, it was kind of like when I fell down the stairs at the zoo two years ago  -- although I was a lot more alert then, more stunned than sick or hurt.     

Dh was frantic. :(   He was calling my name & slapping my wrists and I was not very responsive. I do remember him calling me, but it was difficult to respond. By some sheer stroke of luck/providence, a young registered nurse who lives nearby was passing by in her car, saw us, pulled over and came rushing over to offer assistance. (She told us her first name, but I wish we'd gotten her contact info, so I could send her flowers or something!) Luckily, I had taken an unfinished bottle of water in my purse with me -- I sipped some when I could, and she recommended pouring some of it on my head & neck!  THAT was a shock to the system! -- but it did kind of wake me up a bit! 

She recommended I get checked out immediately, and offered to call 911 (and did). Kind of embarrassing -- you know, "don't make a fuss, don't draw attention to yourself" -- all those things "good little girls" (of my generation, anyway) are not supposed to do...! --  but one showed up a few minutes later, and the two guys in it were wonderful. I was able to (slowly!) climb into the ambulance with a little help and they checked me out then & there. The truck was air conditioned and THAT helped me start feeling better almost immediately!! 

The EMTs took all my vitals (blood pressure, ECG, blood sugar test, etc.) and all was fine, which was a relief  -- but they recommended going to the emergency room just as a precaution. Dh said he would feel better if I got checked out too -- so, off we went.  I had hoped that ambulance trip from the zoo two years ago would be my first AND last... oh well...!  I was in a seat, not a stretcher for the trip this time around.  Once again, dh was not allowed to come with me in the ambulance -- and he said he was in no frame of mind to drive himself -- but he called BIL & they got to the hospital not too long after we did. We were there 2-3 hours, and out of there shortly after 8 (and it was much cooler outside by then).  Not bad, especially for a long weekend!  They repeated all the tests the EMTs did as well as some bloodwork, put me on a drip while the bloodwork was processed (which took about an hour & a half), and it was all fine, thank goodness -- although, on top of the embarrassment of winding up in the ER via ambulance, my veins are both deep and small and they had a heck of a time tapping one for the bloodwork and saline drip!  I've known for many years that I'm a difficult case ;)  but THREE different nurses tried!  They wound up tapping a vein in my hand -- with a baby needle! (ouch!) 

They discharged me once the bloodwork came back -- and confirmed that everything was fine.  The nurses told us I was far from the only person they'd seen that day with heat exhaustion!  Lesson:  take heat & humidity seriously, make sure you're drinking lots of water and carry it with you if you do go out!  

I was exhausted when we got home, though! -- and I'm STILL exhausted today!  I didn't sleep very well -- I had to keep getting up to go to the bathroom, after drinking so much water to try to rehydrate! -- and then I was hungry, so I got up at 4 a.m., had some toast and then went back to bed!  

Then we got up at 7, because we were going with BIL & SIL to visit Older Nephew and Little Great-Nephew. (LGN's mom had to work, even though it's a civic holiday here today.)  We hadn't seen them since early July, before we left for our vacation out west. It was fun, but both of us had two-hour naps when we got back home!  I'll probably be in bed early tonight too. 

I hope your weekends were less eventful than mine...! 

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

Right now

Right now...* 

*(an occasional (mostly monthly) meme, alternating from time to time with "The Current"). (Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first "The Current" post, here.)

July was mostly HOT AND HUMID, both here in the Toronto area and in Manitoba, where we spent two weeks visiting my parents.  And unfortunately, the air conditioning in our building wasn't working consistently for more than a week, early in the month -- and then, once we got to my parents' house, we had to battle my mother over keeping the a/c on! (Arrrrggggghhhh...)   

It was a busy month with lots of socializing and visiting! both here and in Manitoba.  

Pandemic diary/update: July was month #52 since the advent of covid in March 2020 -- now in Year FIVE. :(   And we continued to hear about people we know -- at least three or four that I can think of, just this month -- who came down with covid, a couple of them for the first time, others on their second, third or fourth round. 

We (still!) remain covid-free (knocking wood, loudly...), and we continue to mask in stores, malls and (most) other indoor public spaces hereabouts, especially where there are a lot of people around. (Well, I do -- I know dh has been slacking off again, whenever I'm not around to hand him a mask...!)  

That said -- I will admit I really slacked off on the mask wearing myself when I was visiting my parents. I didn't see ANYONE in the small town where they live wearing a mask anywhere, and there were very few at the mall and in the stores I went to in Winnipeg with my sister one day. None of the places we went there were very crowded, though -- and we weren't out of the house a whole lot -- and the ventilation/air circulation seemed pretty good. (And I must admit, it was nice to feel "normal" again.)  We most certainly did mask at the airport and on the plane, coming and going (among the very few we saw who did)(although we did remove them to eat and take a sip of water now & then). (I don't think I'll ever NOT wear a mask on a flight again!)  

Among other outings this month, we: 

• Went to Best Buy for a new phone charging cord, and to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription, on July 1st (Canada Day -- these stores were open, albeit on holiday hours).  
• Stayed with Little Great-Nephew for a few hours on July 2nd and again on July 4th. He was supposed to start day camp on July 2nd, but had an ear infection and was running a mild temperature. His mom took July 2nd (and 3rd) off work to stay with him, but had a medical appointment, and had to return to work on July 4th. BIL & SIL are both back at work (BIL just part-time for now), so guess who got to step in??  (We went to BIL's house, since LGN is comfortable there and has a large collection of toys there to keep him occupied...!)  
• Returned to our old community for haircuts at the mall on July 5th, followed by lunch and walking/shopping, and then a visit to Katie at the cemetery before we drove home. 
• Celebrated our anniversary on July 6th with a barbecued lunch at BIL & SIL's, with LGN in attendance. :)  Got takeout for dinner, and went out for gelato afterward.  :)  
• Went to the mall for walking, shopping and lunch (pizza) on July 9th, and again on July 31st.   
• Brought BIL & SIL their birthday gifts (since we were going to be away for both of their birthdays) on July 10th, along with cupcakes to celebrate BIL's "second birthday" -- marking one year since his successful liver transplant!  
• Flew to Manitoba to visit my family on July 13th! (and then home again on July 28th).   Among other things while we were there, we:  
• Played cards every single night. :)  
• Completed two jigsaw puzzles (mostly when my sister & her partner were back in the city, which freed up table space, lol). 
• Were royally entertained by Little Princess #3 (soon to be 1 year old!), whose mom (Parents' Neighbours' Daughter/PND) brought her over to visit at least every other day. Her two older sisters (soon to be 13 & 10!!) came a couple of times too. 
• Went grocery shopping, to the drugstore and to the bargain store in my parents' town. 
• Went to a mall and a couple of other stores in the city for a few hours one morning with my sister to shop for a new dress and makeup. (She had a job interview!)  
• Took a road trip to another small town about 40 minutes away to pick up a new over-the-range microwave oven for my parents, after their old one died shortly before we arrived. (They bought it FORTY (40!) YEARS AGO, shortly after they moved into this house!) My sister researched models and prices, but there were none to be had in the city, and ordering one online would have taken two weeks. But there was one in stock at the hardware store in this town!  (An electrician -- the son of one of Dad's former coworkers -- came two days later to install it.)  
• Celebrated my dad's 85th birthday!  We invited PND & her family as well as several of the neighbours for cake & coffee in the back yard on a very hot, humid day!  (My parents also marked their 64th (!) wedding anniversary a few days later.) 
• Visited with a cousin who drove up from Mom's hometown in Minnesota for the afternoon (about a 90 minute/2-hour drive one way, depending on time at the border crossing). 
• Visited with an old friend who drove out from the city for the afternoon to see me. 
• Ate at a new bistro/cafe in town, three times (!) -- once for dinner on Dad's birthday, and twice for lunch, first with Mom & the visiting cousin and second with my friend  from the city. (See "Eating," below.)  
• Went to the local drive-in for ice cream twice.  :)  (See "Eating," below.)  
• Went with dh to the supermarket on Monday to restock the cupboard & fridge. 

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Also right now:  

Reading: I didn't have as much time to read as I would have liked this month. I was having trouble keeping up with all my book club/readalong obligations!  

I finished 2 books in July (reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads & StoryGraph, & tagged "2024 books").  

• "You Are Here" by David Nicholls. (My review.) 
• "Bring Up the Bodies" by Hilary Mantel (book #2 in the Thomas Cromwell Trilogy) -- part of a year-long "slow readalong" hosted by Simon at Footnotes and Tangents.  We started April 29th and finished in mid-July, then started reading #3 in the series, "The Mirror and the Light (see below)."  (My review.) 

This brings me to 22 books read so far in 2024, 49% of my 2024 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books.  I am currently 4 books behind schedule to meet my goal. :(   

Current read(s): 

• "Swing Time" by Zadie Smith (the August selection for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club). (Currently about 40% through.)  
• "The Mirror and the Light"  by Hilary Mantel (book #3 in the Thomas Cromwell Trilogy)   -- part of a year-long "slow readalong" hosted by Simon at Footnotes and Tangents.  We started during the week of July 21st; currently at about 5% read, and will finish at the end of December. 
• "Magic for Marigold" by L.M. Montgomery, with my L.M. Montgomery Readathon Facebook Group. We began our group read/discussion on July 1st and will run through late September. I will count this as a re-read once we're finished.  Currently about 32% read. (My original review.) 
• "Fletcher’s End" by D.E. Stevenson, with my DES group -- a sequel to "Bel Lamington." Our group read started May 20th and will run through mid-September -- currently at 66% read. (My original review.) 
• "War and Peace" by Leo Tolstoy (!). As I wrote here, I need another book club/readalong obligation like a hole in the head  ;)  but nevertheless, I'm taking part in a year-long readalong of this book, hosted by Simon at Footnotes and Tangents -- a chapter a day for a full year, which began Jan. 1, 2024. (And I'm really enjoying it!)  Currently at about 64% read.  
• "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...! 

Coming up: Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and listing them here helps me keep track of what I should be reading next. ;)  

• For my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club: 
• "Code Name Helene" by Ariel Lawhon (September). 
• "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert (October) (a Barren Bitches Book Tour selection from October 2008, the early days of this blog! -- discussed here;  related post here). 
• "Persuasion" by Jane Austen (November). 
• "The Christmas Orphans Club" by Becca Freeman (reviewed here).  (December) 
• For my D.E. Stevenson group:  This list of upcoming books should keep us busy well into 2025 or even 2026!  (A couple of the books are ones we covered shortly after I first joined the group back in 2014 -- you know you've been around for a while when....!)  
• Miss Buncle’s Book (likely beginning September/October 2024;  original 2015 review here).  
• Peter West 
• Miss Buncle Married (original 2015 review here).
• The Two Mrs. Abbotts (original 2015 review here).
• Crooked Adam 
• The Four Graces (original 2015 review here). 

• For the Notes from Three Pines (Louise Penny mysteries) Readalong: The last discussion was for book #3, "The Cruellest Month," posted in June 2023 (no further posts/books since then).  I've continued dipping into the series on my own, between other book club obligations. Book #6, "Bury Your Dead," is the next one on my to-read list! 
• Others I want to read soon: 
• "Moonflower Murders" by Anthony Horowitz. The TV version is starting on PBS on Sept. 15th, and I want to have the book read by then. (I PVRd the adaptation of the first book in the series, "Magpie Murders," because I hadn't read the book yet -- and then lost all my PVRd stuff when we got a new modem last fall!  I did eventually read the book, reviewed here.)   
• "The Marlow Murder Club" by Robert Thorogood. Also being adapted for viewing on PBS sometime this fall.  

A few recently purchased titles (mostly in digital format, mostly discounted ($5-10 or less) or purchased with points):  

• "Twilight of American Sanity" by Allen Francis
• "Off the Record" by Peter Mansbridge 
• "X-Ray" by Ray Davies 
• "The Mystery Guest" by Nita Prose 
• "Outofshapeworthlessloser" by Gracie Gold 
• "The Kingdom, the Power and the Glory" by Tim Alberta 
• "Rules for Visiting" by Jessica Francis Kane
• "Long Island" by Colm Toibin 
• "Real Americans" by Rachel Khong
• "Paper Trails" by Roy MacGregor
• "Doppelganger" by Naomi Klein 
• "One Way Back" by Christine Blasey Ford 
• "The War We Won Apart" by Nahlah Ayed 

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Watching:  The Olympics from Paris. The spectacular opening ceremony last weekend brightened a very dreary, hot and humid day while at my parents' house!  I especially love watching the swimming events... and the diving... and the rowing (although it's mostly on in the middle of the night, my time!)... and track and field...!  

 

(As an aside:  while watching the men's 200m breaststroke final yesterday, one of the Canadian TV announcers mentioned Victor Davis, one of Canada's all-time great swimmers, who won gold in that event at the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles. I was reminded that when I first started working at my longtime job a few years after that, in 1986, one of my coworkers was an elite swimmer (he was supposed to have competed at the 1980 Olympics in Moscow, which were ultimately boycotted) -- and apparently, not long before I joined, he had brought Victor to a staff party. Victor was a very good-looking, charismatic guy -- and of course, he had that amazing swimmer's body ;)  -- and months later, my female coworkers were still drooling, lol.  Sadly, he died a few years later in 1989 at the far-too-young age of 25 in a hit and run incident, not long after retiring from competitive swimming. (The driver ultimately served four months in prison.) )  

Listening:  To Heardle Decades: Stats as of  July 31st:   

• Heardle 60s: 76.3% (506/663, 203 on first guess), same as last month. Max. streak: 15.
• Heardle 70s: 80.3% (323/402, 184 on first guess), down 0.3% from last month. Max. streak: 18. 
• Heardle 80s: 43.3% (119/275, 45 on first guess), up 0.9% from last month. Max. streak: 4. 
• Heardle 90s: 25.5% (98/385, 19 on first guess), down 0.5% from last month. Max. streak: 4. 

Following:  Not sure this counts as "following," but (along with Heardle, above) I've started playing Connections in the New York Times every morning (just like some people do Wordle!).  A cousin of my mom's has added me to a Facebook group where everyone posts their daily results. I post to my own page whenever I get a perfect game ;)  but that definitely does not happen every day...!  

Eating/Drinking:  The usual takeout lunches and dinners here at home, including takeout chicken madeira rigatoni from Moxie's on our wedding wedding anniversary (July 6th). 

We had dinner at BIL's with his & dh's cousin, his wife and their son just before we left for Manitoba.  (BIL barbecued.)  

While visiting my parents, we had dinner several times from the local congregate meals program for seniors (subsidized by the provincial government):  the menu changes from day to day, but always includes meat, starch (rice, potatos, pasta, etc.), veggies/salad, dessert and a freshly baked dinner roll -- all for $7.50 (Canadian).  It's a well balanced, tasty meal (perhaps a little bland for dh's liking, but really, it's just fine) -- and you certainly can't beat the price!  You can eat in a congregate setting, have the meals delivered (like Meals on Wheels) or pick them up (which is what my dad prefers to do).  

Dad barbecued steaks and potatos while we were there (yum! -- not having been there in the summertime since 2019, I have missed that! -- and he's still got the touch...!), made a ham, a roast beef and a pork tenderloin (on three different nights, obviously, lol -- and we ate leftovers for the next few days, for both lunch and dinner). (He does most of the cooking there these days.)  

We also had dinner once and lunch twice at a new bistro/cafe in town. I had grilled Caesar wraps twice (not bad), and chicken fingers/strips another time (both times with fries). Not great, but not bad either. 

And we went for ice cream twice at the local drive-in restaurant, a local landmark that's been operating for more than 60 (!) years (albeit the original owners sold it a few years ago). Mom loves to go there -- she would go every night, if she could get someone to take her! -- albeit I think she enjoys the people watching even more than the ice cream...! 

Buying (besides books, lol):  Not much!  

• Early in the month, I bought a new charging cord for my cellphone, since my old one was wearing a bit. 
• I ordered a new Filofax 2025 diary/week on two pages datebook insert from Amazon before we left on vacation. It was waiting in the mailbox for me when we got back home. 
• I bought new henley linen-blend T-shirts at Banana Republic for both dh and BIL (for his birthday), again before we left on vacation. 
• Dh ruined his canvas deck shoes, mowing the lawn for my dad several times while we were there (the teenager they usually pay to do it was on holiday in Germany), so we went to the mall yesterday and bought him a new pair of casual shoes from Skechers. 

Wearing: Lots of shorts and tank tops -- as I said, it's been very hot & humid!  

Loving:  The ribbed cotton tops I bought at the Gap outlet store last month. They're sleeveless with a v-neck and polo collar. I bought one in blue first and loved it so much I went back and got three more, in white, pink and black!  (I think the only colour I didn't buy was the green one!) And I have worn them all a lot, all month!  

Noticing:  A soft, low-level hum/hissing in my left ear, ever since we got back home from out west. It's not BAD, but it's noticeable, especially when it's quiet around me (at night when I'm trying to fall asleep, for example). I'm hoping it's a temporary after-effect from flying, and that my ear will soon "pop" and return my hearing to normal. (Dh has lived with tinnitis for decades.)  

Trying:  To be patient with my uber-controlling, aging parents... remembering that so many of my friends have lost parents in recent years, and would give anything to trade places with me. 

Prioritizing: Staying cool! and not pushing myself too much since we got back home earlier this week. 

Appreciating:  Air conditioning! 

Wondering:  How is it August already?? 

Wanting: A day that's not too hot, humid, sunny, rainy or busy (lol -- I'm not asking for much, am I??) so that I can get out on the balcony and wash the balcony door/windows!  The other windows got washed by professional window washers just before we left for Manitoba (and they look great!), but they will not come onto the balcony -- those windows (plus the insides of all the windows) are our responsibility. They're currently filthy, and driving me crazy...!  

Hoping:  That I'll find my reading mojo again, soon...!  And that it won't be too long before we next see the nephews and their kids. 

Enjoying:  Checking out the new/most recent DNA matches for me, my mom & dh every day and trying to figure out how we're all related. (I get mired in some pretty deep rabbit holes some days...!  lol  -- but it's fun!)  

Feeling: (Still!) Very tired from our trip, and trying to get back into the swing of things hereabouts. A little disbelieving that it's August, already -- and that August 7th is just around the corner (for the 26th!! time!!).    

Childless? Ummm, I don't think so...

It's been really heartening to see how many people, parents and non-parents alike, found J.D. Vance's 2021 comments about "childless cat ladies," recently resurfaced, offensive.  (I wrote about those comments at the time, here and here.) 

However!  I've noticed several comments/social media posts that have raised my hackles. They're from parents who declare themselves "childless" or "childless again" (etc.),  now that their children are grown up and have left the nest.  

(I'm reminded of taking issue when, years ago, I was startled to see gleeful parents declare online, "We're childless! Mom is taking the kids for the weekend!" -- or some other such celebratory comment.  I know I've vented about that in this blog, but can't locate the post at the moment.) 

Ummm, no. Sorry, but NO.  You are NOT childless.  You may not be living with children anymore -- but you HAD children. They are still your children, even if they no longer live with you. You brought them up, you got to parent them, you enjoyed the perks and social approval and built-in networks that come with parenthood (and yes, you also endured the hard work and pain and expense that I/we will never get to experience).  If you're lucky, you have or may have grandchildren some day. 

You may have lost a child, but that doesn't mean you're childless. 

These are things that those of us who are childless not by choice wanted -- but never got to experience and never will.  Your life is different from mine/ours because of the simple fact that you got to be parents and we didn't. Just because you don't have kids in the house now doesn't mean that your life is now like ours. It's not. 

I know these comments are well-meaning, and intended as a show of support (which is very much appreciated).  I don't mind if you call yourself an "empty nester" (although it does remind me that my nest was never full to begin with).  You can certainly call yourself an ally of childless & childfree people. 

But parents, you are NOT childless.

*** *** *** 

(I suppose it could be argued that technically, I'm not childless, because I did give birth. In this respect, I hold a dual identity. I straddle both sides of the line that divides the childless from parents. But it was an abbreviated pregnancy, and my daughter never drew a breath. I never got to parent her. I only got to bury her, and to visit her niche in the cemetery, which most parents thankfully never have to do. I never had another child. I identify more as childless than as a parent, although I will occasionally call myself a bereaved mother or a childless mother.)  

#MicroblogMondays: Recuperating!

Long time no see/write!  (Seems like it to me, anyway!)  I've been in Manitoba visiting my aging parents for the past two weeks, and we just got back home last night (and I'm still pretty exhausted today!). As you can imagine, from my absence from this space (and others online), I didn't have a lot of time to write while I was there. I barely glanced at my email, and I am SO far behind on so many things. 

(Despite family time and helping my parents taking precedence, I did bookmark some of the articles & blog posts I did get to read, and hope to share some of them with you soon.) 

It was our first summertime visit "home" since 2019.  Many of the "annoying things and small pleasures" described in this post as well as this one still apply. ;)  On the "annoying things" side of the equation, a few new points: 

• It was horribly hot & humid for most of the time we were there. Fortunately, my parents' house has air conditioning. 
• UNfortunately, we had a running battle with my mother over the air conditioning. She hates it running constantly and complains she's cold, and will often just get up and nudge the thermostat temperature upwards until the a/c cuts out. (My sister will often do the opposite when Mom is not around...!)  She'll also do the same thing late at night when the rest of us are in bed -- so that we'll wake up in a warm, stuffy room (windows closed, because the a/c WAS running when we went to bed...)  with no air circulating from either the vents or the windows. (Grrrrrrr.....).    
• My parents continue to bicker -- and complain about each other to us -- which is tiresome, awkward and annoying for those of us who have to witness it.  :(    
• My American-born mother insisted on watching the Republican National Convention on TV (despite loathing Donald Trump). Even if she was in the basement family room, we could still hear the TV upstairs, because she had it on top volume. Ugh.  
• It's summertime in Manitoba -- ergo, there were mosquitos, lol.  :p  But because it was hot & humid, I wasn't outside a whole lot, and certainly not out in the grass, where they tend to lurk -- so I didn't get too many bites.
• Despite my sister's threats that she was not going to help with any gardening this year, my dad still planted half his garden space. (Even more annoying thing:  he dug up the first new potatos for dinner -- last night, AFTER we left...!). 
• We still got enlisted into helping my mom water her hanging baskets and planters full of flowers every night after dinner -- three baskets and two planters in the front, one hanging basket and two planters in the back, one full 2-litre pop bottle of water on each hanging basket and 1/2 bottle on each planter.  
• My parents' over-the-range microwave oven/fan died just before we got there.  :(  Granted, it WAS 40 (!!) years old (!!) -- they bought it not long after they moved in.  And it was well used! 

Small pleasures:  

• My sister proposed we buy our parents a new microwave/fan as a combined birthday/wedding anniversary present. She took measurements, did some online research and found a Frigidaire model for a reasonable price (their oven & refrigerator are also Frigidaires). 
• Annoying thing:  there were none to be found in the city, and to special order one would have taken two weeks.  
• Small pleasure:  BUT, there was one in stock at a Home Hardware store in another small town, about a 40-minute drive away. Road trip!  Dad called a woman he used to work with, whose son is an electrician, and he came over two days later to install it. Yay!  
• We celebrated my dad's 85th birthday while we were there, with cake & ice cream in the backyard with PND & family and some of the neighbours.  
• PND was too busy to join one of our card games :(  but she did pop by with Little Princess #3 (11 months old and adorable) at least every other day.  The two older Princesses (now almost 13 & 10!!) also came with them a few times. 
• Visits with a cousin, who drove up for the afternoon from my mom's hometown in NW Minnesota (1.5-2 hour trip, depending on time at the border), and a longtime friend, who drove out from the city to have lunch with me.    
• My sister & I drove into the city for a few hours one afternoon to shop:  she needed a new dress and makeup for a job interview.  
• Dad's barbecued steaks & potatos (sliced french-fry style into a foil pie plate with onions, topped with butter, covered with foil and cooked on the grill -- YUM!! -- I have so missed that...!).  
• Several visits to the local drive-in (a local fixture for 60+ years! -- albeit no longer owned by the original family) for ice cream.

One very BIG pleasure started off as a very annoying thing:  the morning we were leaving to go there,  I woke up (very early) to find a message from the airline (Air Canada, if you're curious):  our flight had been CANCELLED (!) -- and they would be in touch re: rebooking.  

After I peeled myself off the ceiling (!), I found another message that they had, in fact, booked us on another flight -- slightly different flight number, but leaving and arriving at exactly the same times that morning as our original flight. Well, that was a relief.  We had to download new boarding passes, and discovered (annoying thing) that we were now in Zone SIX -- i.e., we would be among the last to board. Dh immediately started fretting about whether there would be room in the overhead bins for our suitcases by the time we were allowed on the plane. We were also now in seats D & F -- we usually book seats together. "Maybe the person in seat E will let us sit together," dh mused. (If not, no biggie.)  

When we got to the gate/waiting area at the airport, I noticed there really didn't seem to be a huge lot of people waiting. I speculated to dh that perhaps this was a smaller plane, that maybe they'd had to rebook people on multiple planes and we just happened to luck into the one that left at exactly the same time as the originally planned flight. 

The first three zones were allowed to board -- and then they announced zones 4, 5 & 6 all together.  Dh took off like a shot with our suitcases (lol), leaving me trailing behind, struggling to put my mask back on after showing my face to the gate personnel.  

I walked onto the airplane, and HOLY COW. This was, by far, the nicest plane we've ever been on.  Instead of six seats in each row (three on one side of the aisle, three on the other), there were two and two. The seats were wide, and made of leather, or a leather-ish material, with wide armrests and drink holders. The tilt-back mechanisms were automated, and there was also a footrest that popped out when you pushed a certain button. There was plenty of room in the overhead bins for our carry-on luggage. There were no screens to watch, but as compensation (?!) we were offered free wi-fi.  We also got free snacks (which used to be standard, but haven't been offered in quite a while). The aisle was wide enough for two people to stand in, side by side.  And behind us were two rows of seats, facing each other in a "quad," with a table in the middle.  

"Enjoy the nice seats," the captain said at the end of his welcome message. Believe me, we did!  

Dh later overheard one of the flight attendants chatting to some people across the aisle and behind us:  apparently this particular plane was not part of the regular fleet -- obviously, it got pulled into use as a substitute for our original plane. It's normally used as a charter by corporations and sports teams (e.g., the Toronto Maple Leafs, Raptors, Blue Jays...). Those spacious seats obviously come in handy when you're dealing with big, tall, professional athletes, right?  

I doubt we'll ever get a ride like that again, but we sure enjoyed it while it lasted...!  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

#MicroblogMondays: Uber-Boomer ;)

I got a chuckle out of this recent Globe & Mail article (gift link): "What happens when a Boomer tries Uber for the first time."  I'm not QUITE as technologically inept as the author, but I *am* a (late) Boomer (or early GenXer, depending on how you define the timelines) -- and I have yet to use Uber. 

For one thing, we don't often have need of a ride somewhere. I don't drive (long story), but dh drives us most places we need to go. When we lived in our old community, I would sometimes get off work earlier than he did, and in that case, I would usually take the bus home from the train station. (There was a stop conveniently located near our house.)  Once in a great while, if I wasn't feeling well and had to wait for the bus, I would take one of the cabs that was generally lined up in the parking lot outside. And I occasionally took cabs to assignments in far-flung areas of the city as part of my job  The department had an account with one of the city's large cab companies. You'd get a "chit" from the office administrator and fill in the details for the driver when you reached your destination, including the amount on the meter and a tip. 

(I got offered a cab chit by the HR person who was handling my termination, but I said no and took the train home as usual. Dh -- who had lost HIS job a year earlier -- picked me up.) A colleague who also lost her job that day -- and who also usually took a train home -- told me she took the chit. "I'm gonna take them up on everything they offer me, make them pay," she laughed. Made me think I should have taken the chit too!  lol  Oh well.) 

BIL usually takes us to the airport & picks us up again, when we're travelling, and when he's not able to do so (as was the case last year, because of his health), I've found a reasonably reliable airport limo company to take us. (And, depending on where else we need to go, there's a rapid bus service right outside our front door that takes us directly to the local subway station in a few minutes' time.)  

Yes, it's more expensive to take a cab or an airport limo anywhere than an Uber. The cabs can be less than clean sometimes, and the drivers don't always speak or understand English very well. (Limos are usually a much nicer ride, and the rates to & from the airport aren't that much different from taking a cab, which is why I prefer to use them.)  I remember one memorable cab ride where the ashtray was full of cigarette butts, the car reeked of stale smoke, and he was playing music loudly while talking on his cellphone, all the way home from the train station.  Not my sort of music either...!) 

But... I've heard some iffy stories about Uber, particularly about women travelling alone. I figure that, at least with a cab, there's a license involved, a tangible company behind it with a physical, local presence (versus an app) and a phone number you can call to voice your complaint to a real person, if you're not happy with the service.  Yes, I know you can rate your Uber driver (and they rate YOU, as a passenger!), but there's no easy recourse if you have a complaint or concern.  Also, as many people in the story comments pointed out, if you don't rate your driver five stars AND give a good tip, you may be more likely to find yourself without a ride in the future. Sounds vaguely blackmail-ish to me. I mean, what's the point of a ratings system if you're not going to welcome honest feedback? 

How about you? Do you use Uber or other such rideshare services, versus more traditional methods of transportation?  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

"Bring Up the Bodies" by Hilary Mantel

"Bring Up the Bodies" is the second book in Hilary Mantel's "Cromwell Trilogy," which I am reading as part of a year-long "slow readalong" hosted by Simon Haisell at "Footnotes and Tangents." It's the 2012 follow-up to "Wolf Hall" (reviewed here), which we read (on a weekly schedule) from January through mid-April. We are just finishing "Bring Up the Bodies" (as a group) this week, and will begin Book #3, "The Mirror and the Light," next week. (Join us for that one at Footnotes & Tangents, Cromwell Trilogy!) 

King Henry VIII is now married to Anne Boleyn -- who has failed to provide him with the male heir he craves -- and his attention is turning to one of her attendants, young Jane Seymour. He enlists Thomas Cromwell -- now Master Secretary and his Chief Minister -- to help rid himself of Anne and win Jane as his next (third!) wife -- just as Cromwell helped him orchestrate his divorce from his first wife, Katherine of Aragon, so that he could marry Anne. But as Anne's position at court becomes ever-more precarious, so too does Cromwell's...  

Like "Wolf Hall," "Bring Up the Bodies" is beautifully written. It is, however, a much faster and somewhat less dense/more accessible read than "Wolf Hall" was, covering a much shorter time frame in history. (While the events in "Wolf Hall" unfold over several decades, from 1500 to 1535, "Bring Up The Bodies" covers less than a year, from September 1535 to the summer of 1536.)  Simon, who is hosting the readalong, calls it "a thriller," and I must admit, it was hard not to go beyond the allotted pages each week to find out what would happen next!  ;)  The tension is palpable -- even though we, the readers, all know what ultimately happened, to Anne, to Henry, to Jane Seymour and, ultimately, to Cromwell himself.  (But that's another book...!)  

The readalong includes weekly discussion posts, chats, a cast of characters and other supplementary material, to provide context and facilitate greater understanding -- all free of charge. (Paid subscribers get occasional supplementary posts, and can initiate their own chats.)  These features have contributed enormously to my enjoyment and appreciation of the book, and I highly recommend the experience!   

I gave Wolf Hall "a solid 4 stars on Goodreads (possibly even 4.5)."  "Bring Up the Bodies" gets 4.5, rounded up to 5 stars. (Slow read group experience:  a definite 5!)   

This was Book #22 read to date in 2024 (and Book #2 finished in July), bringing me to 49%  of my 2024 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 1 book behind schedule to meet my goal. :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2024 tagged as "2024 books."