"Magic for Marigold" by L.M. Montgomery (re-read)

My L.M.   Readathon Facebook group just finished reading and discussing "Magic for Marigold," one of her lesser-known books, first published in 1929. (I read through the book on my own first, prior to when our discussions started on July 1st, and posted my original review here.) 

"Marigold" is six-year-old Marigold Lesley, who lives with her young widowed mother, Lorraine, her "Young Grandmother" and "Old Grandmother" at the Lesley family home, Cloud of Spruce (a Montgomery-esque name if I ever heard one!), on Prince Edward Island.  

Many elements of this story will be familiar to fans of Montgomery's other novels: beautiful descriptions of nature; witty dialogue and a sharp sense of humour; absent/dead parents; large, judgmental extended families headed by domineering women;  imaginary friends;  beloved cats;  faithful family servants... 

But -- I'll admit I (still, upon second reading) just don't find Marigold as "int'resting" (one of her favourite phrases) as many of Montgomery's other heroines. Perhaps because she's a child? (She's 12 by the time the book ends.)  There's not a lot going on, plot-wise, but there are some funny stories about Marigold's youthful scrapes and mishaps. There are also some wince-inducing episodes as Marigold navigates childhood and her "tween" years (facing fears, the cruelty of other girls, the adults who just don't understand...). 

Content warning:  Some dated attitudes and language here (regarding French-Canadians, for example). Also -- and I forgot to mention this in my previous review -- there's an episode concerning Marigold's terrifying encounter with a woman who has "not been in her right mind" since the death of her young daughter/only child a year ago (ugh!!). 

My initial rating of 3.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded down to 3 stars on Goodreads, remains unchanged.   

(Next Readathon book TBA.)

This was Book #27 read to date in 2024 (and Book #3 finished in September), bringing me to 60%  of my 2024 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 6 (!) books behind schedule to meet my goal. :(  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2024 tagged as "2024 books."    

Friday odds & ends

• Lyz Lenz recently asked her "Men Yell at Me" readers "What do you think about having children?" To date, there have been almost 270 responses! Lyz's introduction to the topic:  

There is a lot of conversation in our culture about children and parenting, specifically the role of women who choose not to have children. Recently, Glynnis MacNicol wrote an op-ed for the NYT about the role she plays in the lives of the children of her friends. And it has me thinking about community, gender roles, expectations, and the declining birth rate.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about having or not having kids. Do you have them? Would you change anything? It is a dicey topic that sits at the fraught intersection of pain, grief, loss, politics, choice, coercion, and so much more. So, please keep your thoughts personal. No language like “people who do have kids are selfish” and vice versa.  

 

The discussion is for paid subscribers only, but I can tell you about some of the common themes.  

• Lyz's readers are generally a pretty thoughtful bunch. Even so, I was (pleasantly) surprised by the overall tone and variety of situations mentioned in the discussion.    
• There were a few parents who knew they always wanted kids, had a bunch, wouldn't trade, best thing I've ever done, looking forward to being a grandparent, etc. etc.  
• But even among the parents, there were tales of ambivalence, of not being able to have as many children as they had wanted -- or realizing that maybe one was enough -- and recognition/acknowledgement that parenthood is not for everyone and should not be imposed on anyone who really doesn't want it.  (Also, not a lot of fans of "mom culture.")  
• A surprising (to me) number of people who identified as non-parents, for a wide variety of reasons (related to both choice and circumstance).   
• There were also several comments pointing out that it's perfectly fine not to have children -- period.  Sample comment in this vein: 

I'd like it to be normalized that people who don't have kids don't immediately have to do the "but I love kids and I'm the fun auntie/uncle and I do a lot of good stuff in my community" routine. 

 

It's okay to have kids. It's fine not to. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you automatically add value to the community you live in, and just because you don't have kids doesn't mean you automatically are a deficit to the community.

• Washington Post advice columnist Carolyn Hax published a letter recently from a reader whose young daughter is being lavished with extravagant gifts of designer clothing from her elderly great-aunt. As an indulgent great-auntie myself who loves to shop for clothes for them (something I never could have envisioned, 25 years ago!), I can relate ;)  and I loved Carolyn's advice. 
• From the New York Times (gift link):  "The Politics of Motherhood Become a Campaign-Trail Cudgel." (Subhead:  The presidential race has exposed a fault line in American political culture over the deeply personal decision to have children.) 
• A personal essay in the Globe & Mail:  "Selena Gomez’s openness about her struggles with infertility help me talk about my own." (As always, beware the comments!)  Sample passage: 

The added element of shame that infertility carries can often make people hesitant to talk about it. In fact, I am hesitant writing this piece for the world – and so many people in my life – to discover this about me.

“Many people with infertility feel like they’re less valuable as a person because they can’t do what seems like a very basic human thing, which is to procreate,” says Jennifer Gordon, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Regina and director of the Reproductive Mental Health Research Unit. “People with infertility are also often bombarded by unhelpful advice or judgmental comments from others when they share.” [Note from Loribeth:  That's the understatement of the year, isn't it??] 

• A few weeks ago, I mentioned a presentation by Ali Hall on Medium Day titled "Why It's Important to Make Space for the Childless and Childfree." She's turned her remarks into a written post for both Medium and Substack, including a link to the video of her talk. Well worth reading and/or watching! (Ali is childfree by choice, but I find her pretty inclusive of the childless not by choice.) 
• Ruth Ben-Ghiat, who writes about threats to democracy in her Substack, Lucid, explains the roots of certain politicians' current obsession with childlessness and population management. (It's not pretty.)   
• From Jennie Agg at Life, Almost:  "Is taboo the right word any more?"  (Subhead: "What we don't talk about when we talk about miscarriage.")  Sample passage: 

There is, perhaps, an illusion of increasing openness that doesn’t match up to the way miscarriage is actually experienced. Stories of miscarriage tend to be told only in certain spaces, from a certain angle, from certain kinds of people. What’s more, talking about miscarriage is often presented as a self-contained solution, rather than one small part in bringing about actual improvements to medical care or any deeper, scientific understanding of this part of the human experience.

and 

If women continue to express shock, pain, and loneliness in response to what is widely acknowledged to be commonplace, that should be a red-light warning that something’s wrong with the system. It suggests that there is a gap between what people feel and need after a miscarriage and what society allows for...  what we are really saying – what we really mean when we call miscarriage a taboo – is: nothing has changed. You’re not listening to me. 

#MicroblogMondays: Small pleasures & annoying things

Small pleasures:  

• Finishing a book this weekend!  :)  
• Weather that's (still) mild enough to allow us to keep the balcony door open during the day. :)  
• Still being able to wear my capris & sandals when we go out. :)  
• Watching the leaves on the trees gradually turning colour. 
• Getting some new photos texted to us of Little Great-Niece. :)  

Annoying things:  

• Football.  :p  (Sorry, dh, but between college games, NFL & CFL, it's on ALL THE TIME right now, and I have absolutely NO INTEREST in it!) 
• (Small pleasure/revenge:  Figure skating season starts soon!!  lol)  
• The numbers on the scale that either refuse to budge or head in the wrong direction.... :p  
• Having to figure out what's for dinner. Every. Single. Night.  :p  Once in a while, I have a decided preference, but a lot of the time, I haven't got a clue (and neither does dh...!). All I know is I'll be hungry...!  lol  
• Not enough hours in the day sometimes... 
• Not being able to come up with anything different to post for #MicroblogMondays. ;)  

You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here.  

"Moonflower Murders" by Anthony Horowitz

I have a gazillion book club and readalong obligations at the moment.  Which book to pick up/focus on first/next?  

Naturally, my choice was... none of the above, lol.  But I did have an obligation/deadline of sorts (albeit entirely self-imposed). The first episode of the TV version of Anthony Horowitz's mystery novel "Moonflower Murders" -- a sequel to "Magpie Murders," which I thoroughly enjoyed (and reviewed here) -- was beginning on PBS on Sept. 15th, and I wanted to have the book read by then.   

Our heroine -- 40-something, childless Susan Ryeland -- has relocated to the island of Crete, where she and her sexy Greek boyfriend, Andreas, are running a small hotel together. The scenery is idyllic, but the challenges of running a business in a very different culture are definitely not.  The inn is desperately in need of repairs, money is tight -- and Susan misses London and her former career as a book editor (which came to an abrupt end at the conclusion of "Magpie Murders").  

Then a British couple, the Trehernes -- hotel owners themselves -- arrive with a strange story -- and a lucrative offer for Susan. A guest at their hotel, Frank Parris, was murdered on the same day as the wedding of their daughter, Cecily. One of Susan's former clients, a mystery writer named Alan Conway, knew Parris, and wound up using the murder as inspiration for one of his novels, "Atticus Pund Takes the Case," with several of the characters thinly disguised versions of the real-life people he met at the hotel. After reading the book, Cecily called her father to say she believed it proved the innocence of the man convicted of Parris's murder.   

And then Cecily disappeared. 

(Mild spoiler alert:)  Alan Conway died in the previous book ("Magpie Murders") -- and Susan knew him and his books better than anyone else. Can she use her knowledge of the book to solve the mystery of who really killed Frank Parris -- and find out what happened to Cecily?  

First, of course, she'll have to re-read Conway's book, to see if she can spot the same critical clue that Cecily did. Like "Magpie Murders," there's a book-within-the-book embedded in the pages of "Moonflower Murders" (two for the price of one, if you will!) -- the complete text of "Atticus Pund takes the Case," a classic "golden age" detective novel, a la Agatha Christie.   

I figured out one of the several whodunnits this book contains -- but there were some surprises, too.  :)  

I loved "Magpie Murders," and I loved this book too. Very cleverly executed and written -- and a whole lot of fun!  :)     

4.5 stars on StoryGraph, rounded up to 5 stars on Goodreads.

*** *** *** 

I didn't finish the book in time for episode 1 of "Moonflower Murders" on PBS last week, but I had read enough of it by then that there weren't any real spoilers. Episode 2 (of 6) airs tonight! I am enjoying the show as well as the book. Once again, Susan -- the wonderful Lesley Manville -- finds herself chatting with the fictional Atticus Pund (Tim McMullen) and taking advice from him as she tries to solve her own case. Once again, some of the actors play dual roles, showing up in Pund's story as well as Susan's, adding to the fun.   

Apparently there's a third Susan Ryeland book in the works -- "Marble Hall Murders," coming out in March -- and I'll look forward to reading that one too! 

This was Book #26 read to date in 2024 (and Book #2 finished in September), bringing me to 58%  of my 2024 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 6 (!) books behind schedule to meet my goal. :(  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2024 tagged as "2024 books."    

World Childless Week: Day Seven: Moving Forwards

Day Seven of World Childless Week 2024 is focused -- as it usually is -- on the theme "Moving Forwards."  

From the website description: 

What big steps or subtle differences have you noticed over the last year? Have you gone to a child heavy event and enjoyed yourself, or been prepared and confident to leave when it became too much? Have you spoken openly about being childless, made a small comment on a social media post that inferred negatively towards the childless, or approached a manager in work about inclusivity? Have you rediscovered old interests or just started to just feel better when you wake each day enlightened that you can now make new dreams? 

We still may sway sideways and backwards at times, but see those steps as part of your dance moving slowly and steadily forwards. 

The passage of time (20+ years!!) and looking back on certain milestones will often bring a shock of recognition of how things have changed, how far I've come and how differently I feel now than I did then. (One advantage of getting older is that fewer and fewer people ask and hint and prod you about pregnancy plans... although eventually, you start getting questions about how many grandchildren you have instead...!)

I think back to one particular incident, at Christmastime, a few years after we had thrown in the towel on infertility treatments, which showed me that perhaps I was further down the road of acceptance than I had realized.  I wrote about it here. 

Another measure of progress would be my increasing ability/willingness to enter a Baby Gap (or other baby clothing) store. Once, it was a source of pain, to be avoided. I eventually did get to the point where I could go in to buy a baby shower gift (even if was often just a gift card...!). These days, I love to go there (and other children's wear stores) to shop for Little Great-Nephew & Little Great-Niece -- albeit the little girls' racks still have the power to give me occasional pangs... 

There are probably other markers of progress that I've written about over the years, although I can't recall any other specific posts to share here with you right now. 

One thing I remember from our pregnancy loss support group days is that you never realized just how far you'd come down this road less travelled until someone new arrived, fresh and raw in their own grief. I still see that to some extent today when I read social media posts and responses from younger women who are new to the stunning realization that they will not have the children they assumed they would have. 

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and FIVE  free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Seven page for anyone who cannot make the live event. 

World Childless Week: Day Six: We Are Worthy

Day Six of World Childless Week 2024 is focused on the theme "We Are Worthy."  

This is a frequent WCW theme!  From the website description: 

Yes we are, and we need to keep shouting it to the point we believe it and so does everyone else. We were whole and wonderfully unique from the day we were born; having children does not equate to worthiness. We don’t need to achieve anything spectacular during our lives; just being kind can complete us and leave its mark. 

Today it’s time to sing your praises and tell us why you are worthy. 

Several years ago, there was an online summit for childless people during National Infertility Awareness Week on the theme of "We Are Worthy," and I wrote about it and my thoughts on the subject of worthiness here. I can't think of any other posts I've written about worth/worthiness in particular -- but I have pointed out plenty of examples of pronatalism and how the childless/free experience has been marginalized, when I've found them. I didn't know the term "pronatalism" when I first started this blog, so I started using the tag "mommy mania" -- the best I could come up with at the time. I've since re-tagged most of those posts as "pronatalism." 

The "bible" on pronatalism from a childfree (by choice) perspective would be "The Baby Matrix" by Laura Carroll (which I reviewed here).  A real eye-opener, and highly recommended!  

On the flip side, I suppose, would be the posts I've written about or touching on feminism, tagged as "the f word." I was brought up thoroughly steeped in the second-wave feminist messages of the 1970s (for good and for bad);  I have always believed and often said that I am more than my uterus. Unfortunately, that's still not the message that society tends to send us or the people around us....!  

Check out today's content on the WCW site, including community members' contributions, and three free, live webinars related to this subject. They will be recorded and the links will be posted later on the Day Six page for anyone who cannot make the live event. 

Odds & ends for the weekend

• They're at it again (eyeroll):  introducing Donald Trump at a rally in Michigan, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Governor of Arkansas and Trump's former White House Press Secretary, took an apparent jab at Kamala Harris for not having (biological) children (New York Times gift-linked article)(do these guys ever learn??): 

“...my kids keep me humble,” Ms. Sanders said. Then, mispronouncing Vice President Kamala Harris’s name, she added, “Unfortunately, Kamala Harris doesn’t have anything keeping [her] humble.”

• Happily, the backlash to Sanders' comments was swift, from some Republicans as well as Democrats. Perhaps they're starting to realize that maybe it's not wise to keep insulting women (50% of the population) and childless people generally (20% and growing)??  
• Lyz Lenz dubbed Sanders "Dingus of the Week" and "The winner of the Aunt Lydia Award for Lady Misogyny" in her "Men Yell at Me" Substack.  
• The hosts of "The View" -- including Sanders's former co-worker, Alyssa Farah Griffin -- had a few things to say. (Entertainment Weekly) 
• From "The Cut" (possibly paywalled;  I find that sometimes saving to Pocket and opening it there will make it readable):  "Conservatives Really Can’t Handle Kamala Being a Stepmom."
• An earlier article from The Cut: "Does J.D. Vance Regret His ‘Childless Cat Lady’ Comments Yet?"
• Ruth Marcus wrote a scorching critique in the Washington Post: "Sarah Sanders’s crude swipes at Kamala Harris notch a new low for GOP," (Gift link, and worth a read!) 
• Also in the WaPo (by Aaron Blake, gift link): "The Trump campaign can’t quit ‘childless cat ladies’."

...there are lots of voters out there whom these kinds of comments could alienate. That’s not just the 22 million women between 20 and 39 who don’t have children, but also the many stepparents and stepchildren... A 2015 Pew Research Center study found that 16 percent of children live in blended families. The logical extension of Vance’s and now Sanders’s comments is that these people have less to offer the country and a lack of perspective and humility.

And it’s not as if people like childless cat ladies are voters Republicans can just write off; an Ipsos study released last week showed they are only slightly less Republican than voters overall.

• And, from Sarah at Afterward Honesty's Substack, "I'm Childless. Here's What Keeps ME Humble." 
• A couple more articles on the "childless cat ladies" theme, both from a couple of months ago, but worth a read: 
• From USA Today: "Kamala Harris, Taylor Swift, Jennifer Aniston and when we reduce women to 'childless cat ladies'."
• From Forbes (!)(back in May, before the "childless cat lady" comments resurfaced):  "A Psychologist Debunks The ‘Crazy Cat Lady’ Myth." 
• From New York Magazine/Intelligencer:  "The Truth About the Right and IVF."  (Full of great lines!) 
• From ABC News (Australia): "Childlessness can cause a 'deep existential crisis'. What you say about it matters." 
• This one from the Guardian is relatable in SO many ways...!  "As our friends with kids become grandparents, it reignites the sadness of being childless not by choice." 
• Sample quote: "People who are childless not by choice know that as much as having children changes you, so does not being able to have children when you want them." 
• On a different topic altogether:  Lee Child interviewing Richard Osman in the Guardian is the conversation I didn't know I needed.  :)  Who knew that Osman envisioned the Thursday Murder Club character of Bogdan as "a suburban Sussex Reacher"??!  (I've never read Child, but I do know about Reacher.)  

Have a good weekend!  :)